under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

[Jojaney]

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

when I came to this country in 1997 I was informed by my future sister and mother in law that you have to shave in this country and what a pain it is but that it had to be done. I did it and, guess what, it did me no harm and I simply fitted in with the society I moved into.

I am so astonished how many of you find it un pc. It's just a convention - nobody gets harmed in the process.

I think there are far more pressing feminist issues in this country, for example, the fact how much sexist language is allowed and accepted publicly. Or the fact, that saying that you are a feminist is seen as some sort of insult.

It's just a convention - nobody gets harmed in the process.
I am surprised that someone with concerns about sexist language wouldn't recognize that conventions can be extremely harmful.

Hello and thank you. Never in a million years did I expect this kind of response! I have read so many valid points but realise I guess have realised arm pits hairy or otherwise aren't important. My daughter is interesting, clever and funnyand I am proud to be her parent.

Thanks.

Awww! Jojaney, such a lovely post. :)

Yep, you've hit a MN nerve with your OP, Jojaney

Thanks for coming back - what a great description of your DD. I bet she'll make a great bridesmaid whatever the state of her arm pits.
I hope you all have a lovely day when it comes.

What horrible comments.

Trying to make her shave.
Implying she will be called names.
Saying not her choice even though it is her body.

Complaining peer pressure is not nice but giving in to it .

What is the rush to make children grow up? Oh yes, because everyone else does X and you are sheep.

Who are these people who would make negative comments about a child having visible arm pit hair?

Well a few are on this thread I think

I wasn't implying you were lying as such but perhaps socialised into believing this type of myth.

Hey, I didn't need to be socialised into detecting my own armpit smell but thank you for clarifying!

Nice response op

So if the groom had a preference for clean shaving in men, would any of you think it fair if he asked his best man, who had sported a beard his entire adult life, to shave it off? After all, weddings are about being decorative and conforming to exceptionally high grooming standards.

Good grief, why so many of you are so desperate for this poor girl to conform is beyond me. Having endured years of painful/annoying/irritating/endless/expensive hair removal, you'd think adult women would be cheering for any member of the next generation who bucked the trend.

There are occasions for tread bucking, weddings are not one of them.

So if the groom wanted beards shaven off, as beards aren't on trend, would you agree that was fine?

Why exactly are weddings not a time for trend bucking? Every wedding is completely unique and each couple will have different expectations for their day. Some wedding have a space theme or a cowboy theme. Some require guests to dress up as medieval villagers. In that case, women with body hair should be expected! The assumption seems to be being made here that this particular couple have a great phobia about body hair (but only on women), while no-one seems to have bothered finding out if this is actually the case.

The thing is, weddings are about the family and friends of a couple coming together to witness and celebrate the joining of the couple. Not for family and friends to serve as decorative props as a backdrop to the happy event. Each guest remains a human being whose feelings, beliefs and bodily autonomy do not become any less important on attending a wedding.

Yes, there are certain grooming expectations, as in have a bath and put on your best frock/suit. But that's all anyone could ever reasonably ask.

How much hair would the armpit of a 14yo have anyway? Very little I'd bet, to the point that I doubt a single person would notice.

So I'll ask again. Would all of you who are so convinced that the desires of the bride/groom trump the bodily autonomy of this child expect a groomsman who had always had a beard to happily agree to shave it off for the wedding?

I wonder how many of the posters here would say that circumcision - the removal of the foreskin for reasons of social/cultural/religious convention - was barbaric? While being happy to say that the removal of underarm hair is a social convention that should be observed.

Hmmm, I see where you're coming from, but the two situations are not really comparable, TooTypical. Foreskins don't grow back.

But seriously, you can't compare shaving the hair of a teenager with forced permanent mutilation surgery on an infant.

I think I can.

Hygiene and cleanliness are cited as reasons for both the removal of a) female underarm hair and b) the foreskin.

There's a huge concern in both cases about not looking 'different'

Yes, a foreskin doesn't grow back. But arguably a single operation is less damaging, than a repeated regime of depilation which is supposed to be undertaken every week or two. Redness, itching, razor burns, cuts are all mini-mutilations.

"Hygiene and cleanliness are cited as reasons for both the removal of a) female underarm hair and b) the foreskin."

But everyone- well, everyone with a properly functioning brain anyway- knows that hygiene and cleanliness is not a reason for removing the foreskin. However, it is very difficult to apply anti perspirant effectively to very hairy armpits. So while a hairy armpit is likely to be clean and hygienic if washed regularly, it is also likely to be smelly. Which is socially unacceptable in our culture.

It's a very odd comparison, anyway.

However, it is very difficult to apply anti perspirant effectively to very hairy armpits.

My dh can do it, so I bet a 14 year old girl can too

Good. Then that is the only possible argument for shaving armpits apart from the aesthetic one gone. Yippee!!!!!

Although masculine anti perspirants do tend to be more powerful than women's ones. I wonder if that's because they are designed to work despite the hair. Never though of that before..........

So use a 'male' antiperspirant. DH & I share. Works for us.

Good. As I said, there is now no reason apart from aesthetics to remove body hair. I am delighted about that.

How can anyone possibly put forward the argument that women must remove hair from their armpits or risk being unhygienic and smelly when men have armpit hair and most of them don't smell!! And, what is more, men have much hairier armpits than women.

Do you think women are somehow inherently smellier than men and the only way we can combat this is to shave?

Happy to help!!!

I have amazing armpit hair. It is a wonder to behold.

It also doesn't smell.

I wash, use body powder, and wear clean clothes.

I wonder what all these people who say that this young woman shouldn't keep her armpit hair, because she'll smell, think of their DH/Ps and DSs?

Wow I am struggling to take in the number of women here that would force their DDs to shave their armpits for someone else's benefit.

Body hair is natural and why should anyone remove it if they don't want to? Dropping heavy hints, suggesting they will be teased or not accepted is just disgusting. I think it is abusive to force or otherwise coerce someone to do this against their will.

Would anybody insist a man must shave is beard? Or shave his hairy back before going to the beach? Of course not!

The only thing I disagree with is that in my experience the hair does act as a damp sticky mop in the summer. For me it feels nicer and cleaner to have trimmed pits in extremely hot and humid weather.... but this is personal preference and not an excuse to shame others into doing the same.