Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

236 replies

Jojaney · 13/07/2014 22:41

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

OP posts:
brdgrl · 14/07/2014 16:34

Sophia Loren "toned it down" for specific jobs. For which she received financial and career recompense.
While it ought to be considered an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid, surely you are not comparing doing that favour for a friend or family member with a career move.

Unless the DD has specifically and secretly grown out the hair in her oxters for the occasion, the bride is merely getting the person she asked - if she feels so strongly about controlling the personal grooming of her bridesmaids, surely the responsibility lies with her to clarify that when she makes the request. I've a friend with dreadlocks who never wears makeup - if I asked her to be my bridesmaid, I'd be aware of what I was doing. And if I asked her to wear a sleeveless dress without ever having seen her armpits before, I'd get my first look at her hairy armpits too. Not my concern, frankly.

As for being "top guest" - how comical. But is it ok if the envelope says "Brdgrl plus one"? Or "Brdgrl plus Body Hair"?

Idontseeanyicegiants · 14/07/2014 16:34

I would imagine that a 14 year old girl who presumably gets changed for or at school in front of her peers would have encountered any comments about underarm hair already, maybe it's not her own age group's attitude to body hair that she should he worried about but ours.

brdgrl · 14/07/2014 16:35

Bill, yes...was it a mistake? I hadn't ever been measured myself at that point!

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 16:41

as i said, it wouldnt bother me if i was the bride, but i think grooming yourself is not a massive ask for an event like a wedding, and its not as if youre asking someone to commit to shaving forever, or anything permanent. Its about looking pretty, groomed, and wearing a frilly dress as part of the bridal party, and if her armpit hair is anything other than slight, its going to make her whole outfit look shit.

i didnt start shaving until i was 15 or 16 under the opposite pressure of my student feminist mum, and mine was full and bushy. It looked shit with my dark hair and pale skin. Noone else at a wedding will be likely showing off private body hair, not men or women

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:45

Armpits aren't private; if they were, sleeveless dresses would be banned.

OnlyLovers · 14/07/2014 16:46

its going to make her whole outfit look shit.

Really? You really and truly believe this? This boggles my mind.

'Noone else at a wedding will be likely showing off private body hair, not men or women'

But it's up to HER if she wants to. And by the way, I doubt she'll be 'showing it off' by doing a trapeze show or a permanent Mo-bot; she'll just, you know, have it.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:47

Brd - take a look at a bra intervention thread! M&S tend to overstate the band size and understate the cup size.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:47

Is it a Scottish wedding? Because then the groom's party would have to shave their legs, of course.

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 16:48

open minded goes both ways.

Maryz · 14/07/2014 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Branleuse · 14/07/2014 16:52

yes a bridesmaids dress with full on hairy armpits is going to potentially look shit.

I dont believe this is particularly mind boggling.
You are of course aware of the taboo of very visible body hair, which whilst i disagree with, id also think bridesmaid at someones wedding is not the place to start challenging taboos

Maryz · 14/07/2014 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutsSelf · 14/07/2014 16:55

Its about looking pretty, groomed, and wearing a frilly dress as part of the bridal party, and if her armpit hair is anything other than slight, its going to make her whole outfit look shit.

The relationship you present as normal here, between 'pretty' and 'armpit hair' is ideological and it is violence to impose this on someone else's body, however breezily you frame your position. The correlation between beauty and hairlessness are values, not facts, and they arise from some very misogynistic agendas. The OP's DD has rejected this and asserting the bride's desires as a reason to impose it on her is just denying your own culpability in policing this particular standard for women,

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:55

Maryz, I agree the OP is.

The discussion is interesting anyway, though.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:56

If I'm a prematurely grey bridesmaid, am I obliged to dye my hair "just this once"?

settingsitting · 14/07/2014 16:56

I have tried telling the posters Maryz, but they are not interested.
The op must be having a right old laugh.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:57

Setting, because I think the discussion has moved beyond that.

settingsitting · 14/07/2014 16:57

I even broke my golden rule about this thread, as I find it rather embarassing that posters are doing this.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 14/07/2014 16:57

Setting, because I think the discussion has moved beyond that.

brdgrl · 14/07/2014 16:59

id also think bridesmaid at someones wedding is not the place to start challenging taboos
Again, unless the DD is deliberately growing her armpit hair in an attempt to display it ostentatiously at the wedding, this isn't a "start" at challenging taboos. She is simply being herself. It's not the same as obnoxiously 'making a statement' at a wedding by altering your appearance or refusing to wear what the bride asks. If the bride actually were concerned enough to say, during the planning and discussion of bridesmaid duties, "oh, the dresses look like this, the wedding is on a friday, and i don't want any body hair visible", then you might have a point.

PlumpPartridge · 14/07/2014 16:59

Have skimmed the thread.

Quite apart from aesthetic appeal, I have noticed that if I don't shave my armpits then I smell a hell of a lot worse in hot weather and get less wear out of my clothes, as they get pit stains and smell a bit even after washing. This is WITH anti-perspirant. Therefore, shaving can simply be a practical choice if it's going to be warm where you are.

All of the above would have passed me by at 14 and I'd have been horrendously self-conscious when I noticed my own smell :(

I think that a hypothetical teenage girl who does not shave (for whatever reason) would benefit from hearing my synopsis as it is practical information. If she then chooses not to shave, it will be an informed choice.

Warning your kids that people can be nasty bastards is one of our jobs as parents, I think. Being proud of your child when they know this and do the thing anyway is one of our rewards :)

brdgrl · 14/07/2014 17:00

Thanks, Bill, I will check it out. Might explain why the bras they sold me don't really fit right....

OwlCapone · 14/07/2014 17:01

What a surprise.

A first time poster.

zzzzz · 14/07/2014 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenButNotFinished · 14/07/2014 17:05

It's only 'private' body hair because society has made it so.

Where does it stop? My mother once tried to get me to sugar my arms because I have hair on them. Fine hair, but dark - and visible until the freckles come out in summer. That was her problem - and not something I'm going to feel ashamed of - or feel that I should commit to a lifetime of removing.

My pre-pubescent girls have quite hairy legs... Should I get them to depilate if asked to be bridesmaids? Or doesn't it matter if they are LITTLE girls? Does that mean we're only worried about sexual hair??

Aghast at the idea that someone thinks it's ok to ask women to pluck the monobrow or wax the 'tashe for special occasions: I didn't mess with the eyebrows for my own wedding.