under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

[Jojaney]

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

[SixImpossible]

Why on earth should any woman feel embarrassed because she chooses not to remove her body hair? Her body, her self-image, her choice.

The only other person who should have any say in the matter is the bride, as, by accepting the role of bridesmaid, she is agreeing to be part of someone else's image. Even so, it should be a negotiation, not dictated by the bride.

[Hakluyt]

"If someone teases her it's not the end of the world. "

No? Were you ever a teenage girl? Do you have a teenage girl?

I absolutely agree that hair removal should be a personal choice. But I think a 14 year old needs guidance. Yes, she has a perfect right not to shave. But as her mother you have a responsibility to be sure she understand the ramifications. If she has actively decided that she is not going to shave then fantastic. If she is terrified of the whole idea of growing up, and confused and worried about body changes and how to deal with them, and is not doing it because she is scared and "rabbit caught in headlights"- then it is up to you to help her.

[badger2005]

Nobody should tell her to shave her armpits! I don't see why the bride gets to dictate this to her. The wedding photos are not a fashion show, and your dd has not agreed to model!

I guess that if your dd didn't even know that women/girls often shave her armpits, then it would be kind to let her know this so she can make her own decision. But there is something absolutely outrageous about 'making' her... it seems to me like lacing a daughter into a corset against her will, or something. Please let her be!

[milkysmum]

I shave and no way would I go out to a special occasion with hairy armpits BUT this is MY choice. I am horrified anyone thinks it is ok to try and MAKE a 14 year old shave if she doesnt want to. You have mentioned it and she has chose to not shave- enough said.

[badger2005]

Siximpossible
by accepting the role of bridesmaid, she is agreeing to be part of someone else's image

I think I know what you mean, but I just don't think this is what a wedding should be all about. If the point of the wedding is to construct an image, then hire models and pay them for your right to get them to help you construct the image you want. Presumably you ask friends/family to be bridesmaids because you love them. Why would you want to change them?

[Lovingfreedom]

Leave her alone. You've made the suggestion now leave her and she might choose to shave discreetly herself or she may not. The bride doesn't get a say either...

[Selendra]

I was a hairy bride. My mum tried to make me shave - I lost a lot of respect for her that day.

I got no negative comments at all, actually never get any negative comments despite the hair being pretty visible, I can only assume because I'm very confident about it and because mostly people aren't that rude to others' faces.

I can see the argument about teens getting teased BUT how I developed my self-confidence was in doing what I'd chosen to do despite what people might think. And what a genuinely supportive parent should do in that situation is SUPPORT.

[SixImpossible]

Badger that's why it should be a negotiation, not a demand or expectation.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I've been a bridesmaid several times and no-one has told me that it's one of the rules Don't most bridesmaids' dresses cover armpits anyway?

Leave her alone, she gets enough messages from the world that her body in its natural state is unacceptable - she shouldn't hear it from her mother.

Well done on raising her by the way - she sounds great.

[Sirzy]

So if a bride said "I want you all to shave your hair off as part of my wedding image" would people be expected to agree?

I would say if the bride wanted to make unreasonable requests (not that anything suggests she is) then the bridesmaids should politely tell her to piss off!

[Bellossom]

Her body her choice. That should be the end of discussion. The bride has absolutely no rights on her body whatsoever. Neither do you. Body autonomy is so important, she needs to know no one has any day on what she does with her body, starting with you

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

MN never fails to surprise me. If a bride asks for money as a wedding gift (giving money to newlyweds being a centuries old tradition) she is an unreasonable harridan of a bridezilla.

Yet it is perfectly reasonable of her to ask a bridesmaid to remove their body hair.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Her pits, her choice. Leave her be!

[PennyPepper]

Don't mention it again. She's either dying of embarrassment or perfectly happy with her body hair.

Buy a good razor and leave it ready to use, out of its packet, in the bathroom cupboard somewhere not too obvious. Then if the problem is embarrassment, she'll do it without having to mention it. If she's happy as she is, she won't bother.

[BrokenButNotFinished]

Presumably your daughter is aware of how you deal with your body hair? I can't imagine that at 14, it hasn't crossed her mind what to do with her own. I agree that self-confidence comes from doing what is right for you - so she may choose to shave or not shave, but it isn't your decision. Or the bride's.

Can you suggest she thinks about it and makes a conscious decision, rather than being hairy by default. Show her where the razors are, but if she wants to be hirsute, then that's fine too and you support her in that.

The removal of different areas of body hair is a cultural phenomenon. I would applaud her for independent thinking.

[OnlyLovers]

Why don't you just support your daughter rather than being so concerned for your own feelings? It's only you, not her, who thinks she might look 'ridiculous'.

[CornChips]

I might be bringing my own issues into it, but i think it is not a good idea as her mother to make her feel that you in anyway feel ashamed of how she looks, or thinks her appearance is 'ridiculous'.

I say this as a 40 year old woman whose entire self esteem has been blighted by my mother's obsession with my (perfectly normal, size 12) weight.

[SuburbanRhonda]

i was a hairy bride

And OP - leave her alone. It's none of your business or anyone else's if she chooses not to shave her pits.

[bauhausfan]

Fucking hell - did I just accidentally time travel back to the 1950s? Bloody hell - leave her alone! Her body, her choice.

[EstellaSpitsEmOut]

Tbh I think she was just mortified and embarrassed that you bought it up. If she really doesn't want to shave then you should leave her be, but perhaps she was just squirming so much that she just said no.

I agree with the other posters about leaving her a razor in bathroom and just say it's there if she wants it but no problem if not.

[Politelydeclining]

Her body, her choice.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Her body, up to her.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Her body, up to her.

[bridgetsmum]

My 11yo dd has hair in her armpits. I bought some hair removal cream and told her that if she ever wants to remove it it's up to her and let me know.
She started swimming lessons and after a couple of weeks asked me if she could use it.
It was totally her decision and I was happy as long as she was