under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

[Jojaney]

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

rideyourbike, the real question is 'why WOULD you?' Oh yes, because it's really important for young girls to know EXACTLY in what ways they are not good enough, that men can keep their natural hair, but a woman must spend money and time ensuring she is plucked, waxed, shaved, and stripped of anything natural, in order to (almost but not ever quite) reach a satisfactory standard for the male gaze?

Right yeah. Bollocks to that.

[OutsSelf]

That's interesting because I actually do disagree: this is different than those other examples of 'taking away somebody's right to do what they want with their own body' that you give. In all of the counter examples, the mother would be trying to protect the child's body but in this she is trying to violate it.

[brdgrl]

this is different than those other examples of 'taking away somebody's right to do what they want with their own body' that you give

Outs that is exactly what I have said. Several times.
It is the point FedUp's post did not make clear.
It is the difference between the scenarios that I have been pointing out since my first post on this thread.

[OutsSelf]

O wait

Are you saying those other examples aren't abusive so this one shouldn't be lumped in with it? Finally I've caught up.

Sorry, it does rather read as if you are saying Fedup's statement is overstating the whole affair, as if you don't think people are cunts for advocating this particular act of abuse.

[OutsSelf]

Still, it's always helpful to work through the details. Thanks for taking the time not to call me an idiot, brdgrl

[brdgrl]

Yes. That's what I meant. :)

[Branleuse]

its one day. Id ask the bride if she was bothered. She'll probably have more of an idea of how she wants her bridesmaids to look, hairstyles etc, and whether she is bothered about her bridesmaids having bodyhair on show. She might want to offer to have small sleeves put onthe dress if there is a problem with bodyhair and your daughter would rather keep hers natural.

Id imagine that because theres still an unfortunate taboo around female bodyhair on display, she might rather be the focus of her own wedding day, and not her bridesmaids bodyhair, because like it or not, it will be noticed and commented on.

It wouldnt bother me if I was the bride, but im not so far up my own arse that id refuse to depilate bits on show if that was what the bride wanted

[settingsitting]

The op is not genuine.

[OnlyLovers]

'She is part of the wedding party, she has signed up to the whole groomed to within an inch of her life melarky.'
Elephants, your comment is ridiculous. Where is it written that being part of a wedding party means such specific things about what you do with your body hair?

'Armpit hair aged 14? Urgh, I had been shaving my legs and armpits since age 12, why wouldn't you?'
ride, maybe she doesn't want to? And why 'Urgh'? Is it THAT disgusting that a person might have underarm hair?

'Could she wear a bolero/shrug or something and keep the hair?'
yumyum, why the fuck should she have to wear something to cover up the hair?

This thread is getting more dispiriting by the minute. Thank God for the voices of reason.

[OnlyLovers]

Branleuse, why is having your own ideas/preferences about body hair 'up your own arse'?

[brdgrl]

Thanks for being patient with me while I was struggling to articulate, Outs! Nothing worse than a MN disagreement when you are actually on the same side.

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

TBH setting I think you're probably right, but the discussion now is more to do with conflicting attitudes between the genuine MNers who answered. OP itself sometimes becomes somewhat irrelevant in terms of the bunfight debate that follows.

[Purpleroxy]

She'll get teased and people will comment if they see it, maybe to her face and maybe behind her back. I'd strongly suggest she shaves it to avoid this. That's to protect her own feelings from the reality of image obsession today.

[OnlyLovers]

Purple, if it were my daughter and anyone commented on her armpit hair I'd strongly suggest that they a) get a life and b) fuck off.

[Purpleroxy]

Yes but she is a teenager and these comments hurt much more than they would hurt you or me.

[titchy]

If anyone was going to comment it would be her peers in the PE changing rooms - this is a wedding - I really don't think anyone will comment other than to say how lovely she looks. Dear God what sort of weddings do you people go to?!!!

[OnlyLovers]

Well, that's why I'd be telling people to fuck off. Anyway, if she's already turned down the suggestion that she shave, is it not reasonable to assume that she knows what the possible consequences are and has decided she can handle it/doesn't care?

And what titchy says.

[OutsSelf]

How about protecting her from the feeling that her mother doesn't find her acceptable? Or that her mother is so sure that the hypothetical people with their hypothetical laughter have an actual point that she should conform to their wishes and fucked up values?

People saying they are protecting the girl's feelings are not really thinking this through: the only thing that has a hope of protecting this girl's feelings about her body hair and the rest of the body fascism is the sure belief that she is loved, unconditionally. Which is hardly communicated by suggesting she goes along with the hypothetical bullies.

It really reads to me that people suggesting she should be coerced into shaving are just terrified by the prospect of people not actually giving a shit about their own hair removal regime. Imagine, you might have spent all that time, money and mental energy on something that really does not matter a fucking jot. That's the subversive thought here: body hair does not matter.

[brdgrl]

Purple. since the subject has been raised with the DD and she has rejected the suggestion, she is probably capable of considering that possibility herself.

I think it is fair enough to, say, suggest deodorant to a kid entering puberty - sometimes kids don't realise or it doesn't occur to them that they could do something differently - and some kids need to be encouraged to up their hygiene at puberty. But I personally would hate to send my kid the message that the reason they should do anything is to avoid being teased.

I had to take my DSD shopping for bras because she hadn't quite realised that she was as developed as she was (she was measured as a 32DD but hadn't been wearing a bra to school; I don't think she encountered any teasing, but it did concern me; also, I wanted her to be comfortable!) - but if she had said to me "nah, I'm happy to go without", I'd have closed my mouth then and trusted that she was at least now conscious of the decision she was making, and that she'd know she could change her mind later and have my help sorting it out. I would not have said to her "well, you might get teased at school", because I would feel that I was adding to a sense of shame about the female body.

The OP asked her DD, the DD said no, the DD might change her mind and might not. All bases seem to have been covered, really.

Fortunately, not every teenager wants to be a slave to their peers, and sometimes they surprise us by being much more brave about their choices than we'd be ourselves.

[brdgrl]

and what titchy says.

[Branleuse]

it isnt up own arse to have preference for your own body hair styles, but its a bit much to have your body hair in show as top guest at someone elses wedding unless you know they're ok with it imo.

She may also have a personal preference for lady moustaches and monobrows which the bride may like to be toned down for the big day too. She may also like her to wash her hair and wear a bit of makeup.

Armpit hair is fine I think it can even be quite sexy, but even Sophia Loren toned it down for certain movies

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Agree, MrsDTK.

Bran, I'd feel the same about the hypothetical DD in question not plucking her eyebrows or waxing her upper lip. If the bride "sacked" her for that - I'd learn a lot about the bride.

[NoMoreRacismPlease]

I stopped shaving everything 2 years ago in protest at exactly the sort of attitudes displayed on this thread.
I am disgusted by a society that expects anyone to shave/ wear make up/ conform to what other people expect of you.
My underarm hair is long enough to plait! (been shaving so long when I stopped its like a bear!)
I get comments/ sniggers all the time and my response is to look them in the eye and ask why its so important to them personally what I do with my body, it's all down to assuming we should look good for others- wtf is up with that!??

Hairy and damn proud. I applaud the daughter in the OP for not wanting to.

[titchy]

I assume all of those saying she should shave, wouldn't entertain having your obese best friend as bridesmaid then, cos, you know, who wants to look at a fat person.... Might go against your personal preferences.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Brdgrl, was your DSD measured at M&S?