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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:

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SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 16:35

im so sad there are others facing similiar problems to me.
if anyone wants to contact me, feel free to on
ezzywezzy at(no spam)msn dot com (remove the no spam)
cazzybabs-ive told her i love her more times than you can imagine, it goes in one ear and out the other.

SherlockLGJ · 28/08/2006 16:57

Did you show her the e-mail ??

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 17:51

lgj, no i havent as she hasnt been here, and it would probably just start another argument.

makemineadouble · 28/08/2006 18:02

i spent years negotiating with my crappy teenages
till one day i snapped after being called every name under sun blamed for their probs(self harm.sexualaty issues.drink.appathy) the list goes on
i held my beloved dd against the back door and reminded her that i wasnt just mum but also me! a whole other person she didnt even know who wouldnt take this shit from anyone! after that i turned to the -crustx- school of parenting
took some time but it worked
be strong i promise you its the only way

hug 2ya

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 18:05

i wish i had turned to the custy school of parenting a long time ago

Molesworth · 28/08/2006 18:17

Me too!

desperateSCOUSEwife · 28/08/2006 18:24

Call her bloody bluff and phone social services yourself and tell them what is going on in front of her

and warn her the next time she acts like a spoilt baby

you will treat her like one

and take off all her priveleges etc

as for her door, walls and damage etc

buy some bloody polyfilla and give it to her to fix up herself

and ground her until it is done and a bit presentable

and ground in my book is no going out, no tv, no pc, no xbox etc

tell her to be treated like an adult

she has to start acting like one

good luck
xxx

and yes i have had trouble with 3 teenage dd's and it has worked.

MarsLady · 28/08/2006 18:58

I think that Custy and I come from the same school of parenting. It is a dictatorship not a democracy.

Ditto Custy all the way. You can't threaten and not carry through... that's why you have to be careful of what you say. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As dear old Dr Phil says... what is her currency? Clearly it's money and gadgets (tv, computer etc). Cut her off at the source. You are the source.

As to the ss threat... ditto Custy again. Sorry, but there's only room for one mother! That's you! Can't really say it any better than Custy... but that's the line that I would take.

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:12

mars-ive stopped all the allowance etc, took her phone away, the lot.
DSW- i actually bought some polyfilla today to present to her tomorrow!

desperateSCOUSEwife · 28/08/2006 19:13

good on you sc
and let her earn the paint to wally over
by doing some odd jobs round the house

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:16

I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT THE ADVICE HERE HAS MADE ME FEEL STRONGER
oops sorry about the caps.
why the heck should i be walked all over by her?
shes gone to her mates and ive emptied her room of everything ive bought her that i know she uses on a daily basis, ie tv etc.
shes going to have a shock when she gets back.

SherlockLGJ · 28/08/2006 19:19

Hee Hee

Can you sell tickets ??

Her face will be a study.

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:20

i could train the webcam on her room

Saturn74 · 28/08/2006 19:21

SpaceCadet, I've been reading this thread and just wanted to say that I think you're doing brilliantly. All the best with your new approach - I'm sure it will be successful!

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:23

desperateSCOUSEwife · 28/08/2006 19:23

sc I had to phone ss a few months ago
as ds1 was telling me i was abusing him by grounding him in his room

because he was excluded from school for fighting

so i called his bluff
and the duty team rollicked him for wasting their time

he hasnt said it again

Blandmum · 28/08/2006 19:23

Be prepared for the most god awful fall out. She will go balistic. You be strong girl!

If she talks about social services tell her to ring and call her bluff. She will not find a care home as comfortable and stocked with the luxuries of life.

She has rights but so do you.

Good on you girl!

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:24

good for you DSW-it makes me laugh what teenagers constitute as child abuse!

MarsLady · 28/08/2006 19:24

Well done spacey. Proud of you!

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:25

MB- yes its going to be like world war three..

sunchowder · 28/08/2006 19:26

Sending you my support SC, this subject is near and dear to me also, my DD is not yet old enough, but I have been through similar with my stepdaughter and stepson. My health has suffered for it. Both of them are gone now to live with their natural Mum (they are now 25 and 21still living with their natural Mum). I won't go into it here. I think the advice here is very good. She could have a real brain chemical imbalance, it would have been so helpful to her if they would have seen her for counselingI don't know what to say about that. Over in the US it is a bit different (if you can't afford it, you just send a video to Dr. Phil and he takes care of everything!) or you pay through the nose for a diagnosis. All the best to you.

Blandmum · 28/08/2006 19:30

SC, but you will win it!

And she may well bugger off to her mate's house.

Ride it out.

Custy is so right on this

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:32

shes so bad, they wanted her to appear on teen angels but she refused.

Blandmum · 28/08/2006 19:37

Wow! Then better get ready for the War of the Worlds then. WW3 would be too small!

But you'll still win it.

SpaceCadet · 28/08/2006 19:38

oh god im dreading it....be strong spacecadet....i am the mother.

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