prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

[canttakeanymore]

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

[winnie]

I can't wait to break up either runkid.

Dd seems to be having an epiphany of sorts. Am afraid to talk about it in case I jinx things

[winnie]

How is it going everyone?

[reindeerkid]

Hi Winnie
Im fine getting a bit stressed with xmas but dd seems to have calmed down. Hope you have a good christmas.

How are you Spacey Molesworth anorak?

[winnie]

Reindeerkid, I am glad dd has calmed down.
Things are largely calm here still (although far from resolved).
Hope you get to enjoy Christmas.
Merry Christmas xx

[runkid]

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all and i hope we all have better luck than last year

[SpaceCadet]

hi everyone, sorry i havent posted for so long, ive had heaps going on at home.
dd has has just basically flipped, I dont recognise her anymore.. aweek before christmas, she went beserk, screaming and shouting at me because i told her that she needed to knuckle down and revise after christmas, she failed all her mocks apart from child developement..the ranting culminated in her kicking me in the stomache..then she phoned my mother up and got her involved and of course she sided with dd..she went to her fathers over xmas then went to stay with her old school friends, when she came back she started going on about she hated me for making her move, then she went and trashed her bedroom..shes been smoking in her room too, the windowsill is covered in cigarette burns..im not joking, xmas was lovely and quiet without her, but she came back on the 30th and even managed to kick off on new years eve at my mothers, this time my step dad seriously yelled at her, she listens to him, since i came back from mums weve had more rages, shes gouged all the paint off her bedroom ewall, well not all of it but you get the idea..i hate her, i seriously do, i cant beleive i gave birth so such a monster, my younger children are terrified of her..every where i turn i face a brick wall, no oner is ionterested if kids are abusive and violent these days..she kicks her own mother, what newxt, my youngest dd?? who is only 2??

[SpookyMadMummy]

Omg spacey.... MSN me hun XX

[runkid]

oh spacey how sad. I no what that feels like. Im glad xmas was ok though. im always here if you need a shoulder

[mummytosteven]

oh craps spacey, sorry to hear things are turbulent. maybe following the dodgy mocks results, the school will want to get her some help from psych or something, if no joy accessing help via other methods. is there any hormonal aspect to this at all do you think?

[threelittlegifts]

Don't know what to say spacey, am so sorry you are going through this xxx

[winnie]

Spacey, I've only just seen this. I am so sorry. As I am sat here wondering where I went wrong I don't feel in a position to give advice just {{{}}} My dd has come home tonight late and stormed off in a rage because I refused to have her boyfriend in the house tonight because after she went out I discovered she's stolen whisky from my pantry. it's so exhausting.

Spacey, is dd getting any kind of help through a mental health team? Dd is but it is just slow, slow progress and Xmas has been a huge backward step

[SpaceCadet]

thanks guys..i just wanted to rant about it..i cant really blame hormines as she was bad before she reached puberty, but shes definitely worse.
winnie, the mental health team wouldnt help as they saw her on agood day and she was all sweetness etc, they even accussed me of lacking in parenting skills

[anorak]

Hello all, sorry to hear about your troubles. I wasn't around much in Nov/Dec, I really became quite ill through all the trauma and grief my kids have given me and found I couldn't handle being on here much. I'm loads better now though.

At one point a nice BUPA doctor wanted me to do a course of CBT at a Priory hospital. I went there for an assessment and it scared the shit out of me, what a horrible place. I became much worse suffering extreme anxiety until I decided not to take up the option. Since then I've been getting along much better apart from the obvious blip times over Christmas.

I learned something very interesting while I was googling finding out about the Priory hospital, however. I came across a therapy for a disorder that described exactly my DD1's behaviour. It is a recognised disorder - an attachment disorder. I read that the cause is poor or disruptive parenting from a young age (my ex threw us out when she was 4, and things were very nasty indeed. Then there was all the court trouble three years ago...)

apparently this disorder results in the person becoming extra clingy and demanding, unable to follow the rules of the parent, inappropriately friendly with unfamiliar people, sneaky and manipulative. In extreme cases the subject will be extremely ruthless in destroying anyone who stands between themself and the parents they desire the full attention of.

I've just been searching but I couldn't find the page to link you to. I'll try again in the next day or two as I am wondering if anyone else here will find the symptoms familiar-sounding.

[winnie]

Spacey, it sounds to me that your dd really needs to be under the mental health services. I am on your behalf that she has slipped through the net and at the lacking parenting skills point. Is there anyway you can get a second opinion?

Anorak, the attachment disorder sounds so like my dd although she has been diagnosed with clinical depression but cannot be put on AD's because of the drug addiction

Runkid how is it doing with your dd?

[SpaceCadet]

anorak-im sorry things got you down, fwiw, ive kind of been the same myself..there is only so much you can take really, glad you are feeling better
runkid, its been a while since ive been on here, how are things with dd?
winnie-when she got her appt back in august, she put on an award winning act and told the pschycologist all manner of stories about me.

[runkid]

Hi Guys
DD seems ok still rude to me every chance she gets usually when she doesnt like what i have to say. She is coping ok with the pregnancy i hope it stays that way.

[runkid]

Hello everyone
How are we all everyone ok it looks like dd is having a girl

[Heathcliffscathy]

Anorak. Attachment is one of my specialities (am training to be psychotherapist). CAPP in London (Centre for Attachment based Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy) is a great place to start in order to find a psychotherapist www.attachment.org.uk. I did not train with them (wish I had), but a tutor of mine did and she is phenomenal.

FWIW, I think most dysfunctions and sources of mental ill health in adulthood stem from problems with attachment during childhood.

I hope you find someone great to help you and your daughter.

[winnie]

runkid, how exciting I have everything crossed for all of you.

[SpaceCadet]

runkid-thats great news, things have taken a turn for theworst with dd and i have started a new thread on it

[runkid]

Hi spacey where is the new thread sorry to hear you have more trouble x

[SpaceCadet]

runkid-new thread is here

[Spacecadet]

Thought I would just update this thread and say that dd is now having therapy for her behaviour and self harming and we have noticed an improvement, she also made me a very proud mum when she passed all 9 of her gcses with grades a-c, so she is off to college in September..fingers crossed

[Doodledootoo]

Message withdrawn

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

Brilliant.

I e-mailed you on the E N account recently,did you get it. ?