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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:

winnie · 02/12/2006 22:13

thanks runkid

reindeerkid · 02/12/2006 22:18

Try to remember that this isnt your dd it is the drugs. Have you spoken to social worker i realy think that you need one i also think that something needs to be done about your ex. Remember Winnie you are in control its your house you dont have to put up with drugs in your house.As for her doing nothing dont do a thing for her and i mean nothing and if you find her drugs flush them down the toilet.

reindeerkid · 02/12/2006 22:29

She will come back to you one day Winnie it may take a while and it may take a serious wake up call but she will come back to you. I am always here for you i no i cant do much but i can listen and give support

winnie · 03/12/2006 08:28

reindeerkid. thsnks for the emails. It feels like the morning after the night before this morning. I feel utterly rung out. Dd came home at the right time last night but asked if her boyfriend could stay. I said no and explained the reasons but said he could come in for a couple of hours and dd gets all arsey. It amazes me that she really seems to think asking for somethign means she will get it
Everythign is such a battle

Tortington · 03/12/2006 09:18

your local council will have details of the drug and alchohol team

phone the police community safety officer explain situation with exh and get restraining order.

if your daughter wants to leave - let her.

they can always go out - its getting back in thats the problem.

lock the doors bang on 10pm every night.

winnie · 03/12/2006 10:52

custardo, thanks for the advice.

dd has a drugs worker. She also has a psychologist. The problem with letting dd leave is that she left for three weeks at the end of the summer and was sofa hoping and sleeping in a squat with a heroin addict who quickly became her bf! Dd is beyond the calling her bluff stage. Not washing her clothes means she wears dirty clothes. Not making her meals means she eats sandwiches and chips. Telling her to move out means she will sleep anywhere and with anybody.

With regard to getting a restraining order. How does that work? He hasn't been here for a week & these incidents do not happen all the time. (although I do worry about it happening again all the time). Will the pcso still be interested?

Tortington · 03/12/2006 22:59

i have no idea, worth asking the question though and getting a solicitor and the restraining order.

dwith regards to her sleeping out with anyone and doing anything - how old is she?

winnie · 04/12/2006 12:12

custardo, dd is just 17.

winnie · 04/12/2006 12:14

I am making an appointment with my solicitor anyway today. When I see her I will ask her about the possibility of a restraining order.

Tortington · 04/12/2006 22:26

hope everything went well

winnie · 06/12/2006 19:10

thanks Custy. Have made an appointment & will see how it goes.

How is everyone else doing?

reindeerkid · 06/12/2006 20:18

winnie you still there

winnie · 06/12/2006 20:44

reindeerkid, how are you?

reindeerkid · 06/12/2006 20:58

oh angry sad going round the twist. DD was arrested today while i was at work and my house searched and no one bothered to tell me

winnie · 06/12/2006 21:04

oh, bloody hell what a nightmare reindeerkid & for you. Of course you are angry and sad.
Dare I ask what happened? Where is dd now?
(Please mail me any time)
I am so sorry.

reindeerkid · 06/12/2006 21:26

DD not here was so angry i told her to go i just dont no what to believe any more im so embarrassed how can she behave like this. I asked her about it and got loads of abusive language in front of ds have tried so hard to help she is just not listening

winterpimms · 06/12/2006 21:40

Sorry you are having to go through this runkid

winnie · 06/12/2006 21:44

Oh runkid, she's not herself. I imagine the pregnancy hormones aren't helping. It is so unfair she is taking it out on you BUT as has been pointed out to me ;) she's hurting you because she can. She knows that whatever else has happened in her life you have been there for her and will be there for her whatever she does. You are. Not being prepared to put up with such unacceptable behaviour is about loving her too. You know that. You are a good Mum don't ever forget that.

Do you know where she is or is likely to be?

Why weren't you told what was going on as she is under age?

I wish I could say something constructive. They haven't a clue what grief they cause have they?

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} Take care of yourself xx

reindeerkid · 06/12/2006 22:04

I find myself making excuses for her all the time but its got to stop somewhere hasnt it? She is probably with the person she commited crimes with. I no shes still a child but i dont no how to treat her right now we are going round in circles. This isnt going to go down with social services as they are doing an assessment on her capability to be a mother

winnie · 06/12/2006 22:31

Runkid, do you have any real life support?

You do need to think about yourself too.

(I know, I know... easier said than done, your children are your priority).

winnie · 07/12/2006 23:07

runkid, how are you?

reindeerkid · 08/12/2006 14:05

Hi Winnie thanx for your email im much calmer now have made a complaint to the police and they have apologised for not informing me. DD seems more settled today and i will just keep on chipping away at her and hopefully will get there in the end. Hows things with you at the moment

winnie · 10/12/2006 15:30

reindeerkid, I am glad things are a bit more settled.

I'd like to say we are up and down but actually we are kind of neutral or down, if that makes sense.

Dd spends her life avoiding me and when she does show up she is either waking me up to get in or having a go at me over something. Xh heard the way she talks to me this morning and was v p*ssed off. I stopped him from having a go at her BUT then I thought actually maybe I should have let him as then she may take on board that it is not just me who finds her behaviour unacceptable.

I have huge hopes for the drugs worker and psychologist but in all honesty I knw it is not going to be a magic wand and even if it does make a difference it is not going to happen over night

winnie · 12/12/2006 20:49

How is everyone?
Runkid, Spacey, Anorak, Makemineadouble,Molesworth?

reindeerkid · 12/12/2006 21:15

Yeah how is everyone? Im fine a bit stressed with dd cant wait to break up for the holidays and hopeful relax a bit (in my dreams)
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE

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