prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

[canttakeanymore]

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

Its hormones as well as a mother daughter thing i think and a battle of the wills.Try not to fuel the fire and not react. I dont always manage it but its great when it does work but i know what you mean by the relentlessness of it all it really gets me down also and i never get a break from it.But hey it will be alright in the end

Hi Hassled... yep.. daughters wind you up like no other can and cut your heart to pieces with a single sentence. But then, they can be so close and loving the next min.

Come on here and have a moan... I find that's the only think to do. Reasoning with a teenager is like trying to persuade the tide to turn.

Runkid, I am by the way your dd turned on you. Good God you shouldn't have to put up with that. Has she apologised? I agree with Webcrone that as well as off loading counselling may help you come up with some strategies to cope.

We are still battling on. Dd remains at college ... just. (When she goes she really gets into it and loves it). I have realised however that my entire life revolves around dd. It is as if my life is on hold and I am trying to work my way around the guilt and get on with my life a bit. (However being in the middle of a divorce and facing Xmas for the first time without either of my parents is truly depressing and there is a bit of me which would just like to hybernate for the next couple of months.)

Welcome Hassled

hi everyone..havent been on for a while, had a lot of stuff going on at home..dd is being insufferable, shes split with the b/f but is making everyones lives hell because of it.
how is everyone?
runkid..how are things?

Hello everyone. Just caught up on the last month's happenings here. runkid I'm actually in tears here thinking about your daughter punching you in the ribs, if only they knew how cruel and hurtful they are, how the hell did we get to a place like this where our children have free rein to beat us up? We're a lost generation who (in many cases) have been bullied by our parents and then end up bullied by our own children. I know that's what happened to me.

SC can't believe your doctor spoke to you like that! It should never never happen! Definitely complain.

It's a sad thing to say but I'm glad my daughters have left home. Reading all these stories reminds me of how awful it was when they were here and I was struggling. It's a relief to come home to peace, and my husband and son who actually like me and want me to be happy. It's so hard to weigh up the loss of my daughters to the gain of a peaceful daily life. Sad to have to do it. I'm still depending on various herbal remedies and supplements, also seeing a psychiatrist once a week to help get me through without a breakdown. I'm coping very well so far but still have to wean myself off all the supplements.

I'm thinking of all of you feeling like the lucky one here, I only wish I could do something for you. xxx

Hi Ladies

You probably wont remember me but I posted a post about my 11 year old dd that has been verbally aggressive and keeps howiling at me she wants to live with her dad, (who is a no good lay about).

I have just been reading some of your posts on this thread and was at one point almost in tears that I couldnt read on any more. Wanted to but not enough time.

I came on here again after yet another outburst with my dd over cleaning her room and got nothing about "oh shut up and go away" "Whatever!!!!" and I hate you's.

I am at a point that I am so worried that she is going to end up violent and start hitting me or start running out the house and drinking etc.

At the moment its easier to control because she is only 11 and is pretty much a homely girl.

As a childminder myself I am worried what affect this is going to have on my mindees and her 19 month old sister.

At what point do we give in and send them to live with their dad's or alternatively with grandparents who she adores that would love to have her?

At what point do we stop for the sake of our other children?

I am not ready to give up on her yet as I am seriously hoping its just puberty and that it will stop sometime soon.\

Thing is she is a model student at school and is just like this with me and sometimes her stepdad. Majority of it is aimed at me.

God help us all and I hope that a corner will soon be turned for all of us. Well done to you ladies that have coped so long.

Hi everyone
Things are ok dd is just so up and down maybe its just pregnancy (and she did apologise for the punch)Its not that it hurt or any thing its just that she did it in the first place.

Trudy sometimes i want to give up but i cant i believe it will come right in the end and they will turn out to be wonderful.

Remember we are in control even if we dont feel we are.

Hi Runkin

I also believe that they will come right eventually, I am so worried about my dd as she is showing all the signs my brother did when he was same age. Only thing is my brother ended up spending years in prison for violent aggressive behaviour.

I seriously hope that I am misreading the signs. Today we have had a good day, so far. but its only 7.30am lol. I managed to get her out of bed without a major fight.

Lets hope the rest of the day is this good.

Trudy

Trudy one of my daughters ran away a few months ago to live with her dad at the age of 14.

I couldn't condone her going there, there was a court order in place banning him from contact at the time - he's not a normal sort of person. I had no option but to get police etc involved because of these circumstances and court proceedings (brought by him) have so far cost us nearly £20,000 and a good deal of sanity.

If her dad is someone you might be able to work with, who is not going to harm her, I would be inclined to let her go now. She may well be back within a few months, saying the grass isn't greener. I have had to watch my daughter disrupt her GCSE years with this crap and she's moved herself out of her fabulous school into a poor one where her dad lives. This further complicates the issue of the possibility of her coming back. At 11 school isn't at such a vital stage.

Trusty - (at the risk of soudning really obvious and probably saying stuff you've gone through) does it matter if she doesn't tidy her room? it's her space, maybe it should be her choice. if she's saying she wants to go elsewhere, can she express why? does she really think there won't be rules or school if she goes to her dad or grandparents? if they woudl love to have her what aretey doing to actively support you? my dd says the hardest thing is that she is always missing someone - us when she is at her dad's and him and her ½ siblings when she is with us. over time i think this has worked out as she has figured where her friends are, so it's worth sticking with us and actually has realised her dsad is lovely but ineffective. she's only 13 but i swear that 11 and 12 were worse. pick your fights and try to allow her the chance to express herself - if she can. she sounds like she is very capable.

Hi Girls

Thanks for the advise, the cleaning her room outburst was a build up of lots of little things that got to me that has been a fight since Friday night.

I eventually walked away I am learning thanks to this forum. Before I started coming on here I would have gone on for hours battling with her about her room, but in the end just walked away and she eventually did it.

At the moment there is no way I would send her to live with her dad he can barely afford to keep himself nevermind his dd.

At the hassel it will cause is probably not even worth thinking about. I am 99.9% positive that majority of the time she just says it to get at me, because I upset her and that its the only amunision(sp) she has got to throw at me.

I am doing alot of counting and picking my arguments with her at the mo, and its been helping alot. What would I have done without this forum.

Does anyone have any advise how to get them out of bed in the morning? It takes a good half hour to get her to move and some days I will even have abuse thrown at me from under the bedcovers, but most the time she is too tired to even do that. (Thank God).

Anyway I'm a celeb is calling.

dd (13) suggests bargaining - if you won't get up then you will go to bed 30 mins eralier but if that will just create more hassle, suggests stating that if not ready to go to school you will contact school and explain exactly why she will be arriving in her pyjamas. she thinks threat of embarassment may be enough. i think you could just plonk a big fat alarm clock at the pther end of her room once she is asleep so she has to get out of bed and deal with it.

I need to pinch the title of this thread. I am utterly at the end of my tether & have given d two weeks to start living by the houserules/find herself somewhere else to live... feel broken hearted and feel like I've fallen out of love with my daughter There is only so much that anyone can take

Oh Winnie i dont no what to say.There are many times i have felt like i have fell out with my dd and some times i feel she does not love me.It wil be ok she will come through this. If you want to chat please mail me xx

thanks runkid, I will mail you.

Does anyone have any experience of social services crisis intervention. (d)d's drugs worker has suggested I push for this but as I have no idea of what it involves I am somewhat reluctant.

winnie it couldnt hurt at this stage. I have a social worker it has its advantages

thanks runkid

hey winnie how are you doing?

Flipped out a bit tonight i keep getting these awful bloody headaches and dd wont go to school so education welfare are on my back.DD just sits around alday making washing up and making mess. She still not eating properly and im just throwing food in the bin. Feel better for the moan.

How is everyone else??

reindeerkid, your dd sounds like mine! From the doing nothing all day, making a mess and throwing food away. I completely understand why you flipped out.

What are education welfare saying?

I am a bit calmer. Dd has been keeping to times due back this week and we've not had the daily run ins about her behaviour but she has made it clear she doesn't want to live here anymore which has upset me greatly. I am trying to keep it together until she sees her drugs worker and psychologist as now the assessment is over I need to know how they are intending to proceed.
Am dreading xmas and have nothing but buy my nieces their presents. Absolutely wish I could hybernate through it although I generally love it.

Hope everyone elses silence mean its all quiet on the home front

Winnie my dd always saying she doesnt want to be here usually said to hurt me. As you no dd is pregnant and beenfeeling pants so wont get up for school or tutor so they are coming to see me and dd we will see if they have any ideas. Try and enjoy christmas im going to try and have some rest and relaxation

I am feeling so rejected and betrayed by dd I don't know how to handle any of it anymore. I just feel so incredibly hurt and alone.

can't stop crying tonight.

Oh Winnie come on hun its ok to cry it will make you feel better. Your not alone i think of you alot you can talk to me any time.

Now wipe those tears and tell me why you feel betrayed xx

I don't know how to even try to repair my relationship with my dd. Everything I do is wrong (to her). I am expected to keep my mouth shut about her drug and alcohol abuse (including having it in the house in range of ds getting hold of it); the fact that she literally does nothing around the house; the fact that she is doing nothing about getting a job or even signing on having been kicked out of college (something else I am not allowed to mention); I am not allowed to mention the fact that her father (who gives her drugs & money for drugs and anything else she asks for but has mentally abused her in the short space of time he has been back in her life)comes here v. drunk and is abusive to me and leaves abusive messages on my answerphone... apparently everything I say (especially relating to her dad I do to 'wind her up'). I know drugs change people (she has become extremely cold adn emotionless) but I can't get the fact that she doesn't have any respect for me let alone love. I don't recognise my own dd and I'm gettign so upset tonight I feel like I am hyperventilating.

This is for you Winnie

DON'T QUIT
When you are at your lowest
And ready to give in,
Grit your teeth and start again
Remember you can win.
Every day you wake up
Be determined in your mind,
That you'll enjoy it to the full
I think that you may find.
Each day is like a bonus
And what more could you ask,
God will lend a hand as well
And help you with this task.
Strength will come with each new day
Growing bit by bit,
I believe you can do it
So just for me......Don't Quit