Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

prepare to be shocked;but at this moment in time, i wish i could throw my teenage dd out , ive reached breaking point.:-(

866 replies

canttakeanymore · 26/08/2006 19:23

this is long, im afraid.
im a regular with a namechange.
my eldest daughter has been a handful since she was 18 months old, she started having violent rages which have just got worse and worse.
when her brother was born, she took her rages out on him and i never dared leave her alone with him.
by the time she was 9, her behaviour was so bad that she punched me in the tummy when i was 9 months preg with ds2, just because i told her off for hitting her brother.
her father and i seperated when she was a baby and he has been no help, he always made it clear that he couldnt care less how she behaved in my house.
the last couple of years have been really bad, the trouble is, when shes calm, she can be lovely, and also puts forward a very convincing act of being a little angel, so previous attempts to seek help have fallen flat on the ground as no one beleives that anything is wrong.
she will usually errupt into a rage because shes told she cant have/do something, she will attack my other children, throwing things at them, shes smashed her bedroom door on the inside and chunks are missing from the walls.
the last time she went beserk, she went to a friends and told them i hit her!!!! the mother threatened to phone social services, it took a while for me to convince her otherwidse and im sure she thinks im cruel to dd.
i cant touch dd otherwise she screams child abuse.
this week shes grounded as she had an explosion a few days ago, i also took her phone away from her.
today she started kicking off demanding her phone back, i ignored her and she went beserk, she terrified 2 year old dd, and i dread to think what my neighbours must think.
she smashed her room up, then stormed off to her friends, i was powerless to stop her, shes probally down there now telling lies that i abuse her....i cant stop crying..where did i go wrong...ive even considered suicide because i seem to be in a no win situation..today is the final straw, i just want her out of my house, i refuse to let her terrorise my other children, but shes ponly 15, so i cant make her leave, but if i could i would....

OP posts:
mummisery · 24/10/2006 11:07

Winnie dd was rude to magisrate and is having everything she was sentanced for re sentanced because whats in at the moment is not working go back in a month.

Anorak pleased to here everything is going great

Molesworth · 24/10/2006 11:22

Really pleased to hear your news about dd2 anorak

Not much news from here really - but we have finally got an appointment with CAMHS (next Monday) - hallelujah!

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 24/10/2006 11:27

anorak, thats brilliant news!, really , really brilliant

winnie · 25/10/2006 18:13

spacey, how did you get on today?

mm, I am sorry that dd is still on self-destruct. I read the other thread. And I have everything crossed for you both now the decision is made. How are you doing?

Anorak, I am so pleased that things are looking up for you and dd

runkid · 25/10/2006 19:14

Hi everyone
Hope your all doing ok!
I went to the hospital with my dad to day and he got his results he has cancer and it has spread to his bones i dont want him to die he is the only member of family that lives close to me and i need him and love him so much. I know that sounds selfish but i only lost mum 4yrs ago and i miss her so much.
DD is fine today we have talked and hopefully were getting somewhere she is very bored. She says she is definately going back to school after half term to get her exams.
Hopefully baby will be the making of her

winnie · 25/10/2006 22:08

runkid, news of dd sounds hopeful which is great. Small steps and all of that...

I am sorry about your Dad. Having lost both my parents in the last four years I do have an idea of how you are feeling. Be strong and kind to yourself, you have so much ahead of you. If you need to let it all out please mail me. Thinking of you, Winniexx

runkid · 25/10/2006 22:29

Thanx winnie xx

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 31/10/2006 13:25

hi everyone.
im back from london and have a diagnosis at long last.
i have significant damage to my left inner ear, which is irreversible, however physio therapy can help me regain some of my balance function so now im waiting for an appt.
it was a relief to know that i wasnt imagining my symptoms over the past 2 years but now i feel angry with my old doctors survgery as i was treated very badly by them and on one occassion when i went to the gps, the doctor actually shouted"im sick of the sight of you, go and get a hobby and stop being so obsessed with your health"
ive decided to write a letter of complaint.
how is everyone, my dd is being a nightmare at the moment, shes got herself in such a state over nothing that shes throwing up all the time.
runkid-so sorry about your dad, as if youi didnt have enough to deal with, glad to see that you are getting somewhere with dd, thats positive news.
how is everyone else?

Molesworth · 31/10/2006 13:44

oh spacey, rotten news about your ear

Definitely complain (if you're up to it) about the treatment you received (or rather, didn't!) from your GP - that's shocking!

And sorry to hear dd is being a nightmare

I hardly dare say this for fear of tempting fate but ... we seem to be turning a corner here. DD has had her CAMHS assessment and is on the waiting list for weekly psychotherapy. I went in with her (at her request) and the therapist was truly excellent - dd responded very well to her too. I think she was surprised at how easy she found it to talk to a stranger and could see that having a space and time of her own every week to talk would be a good thing. The waiting list is a couple of months long, but the therapist has offered a couple of interim sessions in the meantime.

The pupil referral unit has also been fantastic. We had a review meeting - dd had only managed to get to school twice in the first month - and they revised her timetable completely. She is now doing 2.5 days a week - 1 full day and 3 half days. They have had to cut the number of subjects she's doing at GCSE but if she attends and makes the effort she could still come out with five GCSEs next summer.

She spent half term at her boyfriend's, and he seems to be having a positive effect on her (he is at sixth form college). She has stopped spending her whole time on msn and is drawing and writing again - I think these are good signs. Also she has not self harmed for more than two weeks now.

Dare I hope we are turning the corner? I'm scared to tempt fate, I really am ...

webcrone · 31/10/2006 13:50

Molesworth - that's all great news. B*gger the corners, it's movement in a more healthy and positive direction!

Molesworth · 31/10/2006 13:54

LOL @ "bugger the corners" webcrone

Yes, it is movement in a positive direction - I just hope it carries on this way (of course I am expecting blips too)

runkid · 31/10/2006 17:53

Molesworth I am so happy to here that things are working out for you and dd its lovel to see something positive well done to your dd i wish her all the best.

Spacey sorry to here your news at least you have a diagnosis now and hopefully the treatment will help. Good on you for pressing on with it and i would definately complain.
Sorry to hear your dd is being a nightmare though do you think she suffers from anxiety its just you mentioned about her being sick

winnie · 31/10/2006 21:49

spacey, I am sorry dd is being a nightmare right now

molesworth, glad things have improved

SPACEdoutzombieCADET · 01/11/2006 15:48

molesworth-thats excellent news, keeping my fingers crossed.
i think that without a doubt dd suffers with anxiety, shes in a state over her mocks...i still havent seen any coursework being done.

SpaceCadet · 01/11/2006 15:52

oops..forgot to change my name from my halloween one.

winnie · 05/11/2006 08:18

How is it all going everyone?
It is relentless in our house at the moment
Thinking of you all

runkid · 05/11/2006 22:38

Hi Winnie sorry to here your having problems wouldnt it be nice if the calm lasted.

Things are steady here at the moment thank god its me thats miserable im just down at the moment.

So whats happening winnie with dd hope its not to serious. Mail me if you like

runkid · 19/11/2006 16:05

I have just been tidying p the lounge a little bit because i am having visitors and my dd just kept going on and on you dont need to do that sit down blah blah blah. I told her it was my house and if i wanted to tidy up i would she just went on and on. So i told her to shut up and she through a cup at the wall and then i went to slap her round the face but missed. She then proceeded to punch me over and over in the ribs. Im sick of her trying to tell me what to do all the time and i never hit her but god im only human and can only put up with so much.

webcrone · 19/11/2006 16:31

Hi runkid. You know, if this was a thread about being hit by a partner there'd be lots of response by now. There's not much I can offer except that somehow, between you, you and dd need to change the cycle you're caught up in, and it's really hard to do that when you're in the middle of it and cant see any way out, especially with the added complication of dd's pregnancy. Yes, you are only human, as are we all, and no, you don't need to tolerate this kind of behaviour from anyone at all. I know that you've been concerned to make dd your priority lately, but are you getting any help or support for yourself other than on mn, even if it's just friends to talk to? You are not alone.

runkid · 19/11/2006 17:06

hi webcrone yes i am getting some support i am also going back to councilling it just helps to get it off your chest sometimes. I hate to lose control but god she never gives it a rest

webcrone · 19/11/2006 18:05

Good, I'm glad there's someone you can talk to, and the counselling might help you come up with some strategies for dealing with dd as well as being able to off load. And I do know what it's like to have a teenager who never gives it a rest. I felt guilty enough w/o my ds constantly criticising and pushing, and I lost control more than once, and then felt even more guilty. It took a while but I eventually learned to redirect or avoid the aggravation - basic de-escalation strategies. I also let go of feeling any guilt and stopped feeling so ashamed of the mess we'd got into. Be gentler with yourself!

runkid · 20/11/2006 19:40

Spacey how are you doing havent heard from you for a while or seen you on the site are you ok ??

Anorak how are you doing?

Winnie hows it going?

Hassled · 20/11/2006 21:02

I've only just joined and wanted to say thank you for making me realise I'm not alone - my 17 year old DD is a nightmare and I just don't know how to deal with her anymore. On good days she's like my best friend but the rages and swearing - today in front of my 4 year old and the kids I childmind - are just unbelievable. I feel like it must be my fault - I know she's under a lot of stress with A levels etc but she acts like she's the only one who's ever known stress. My very first post and I'm ranting like a madwoman!

runkid · 20/11/2006 21:17

Nice to meet you hassled

Teenagers have a way of making you feel like it is your fault believe me its not and they are very selfish and think the world revolves round them and no one else has ever had problems.

I do hate it when they behave badly in front of the little ones though

Hassled · 20/11/2006 21:36

Thanks runkid - after a stiff glass of wine I've calmed down a bit now, and I've packed her off to her Dad's (thank God I can do that). It's the relentlessness (if that's a word) of it all, and never knowing when she's going to erupt next, and always wondering what I did to make her like this, that really gets me down. I have 3 boys as well, and they've pushed their luck and got into trouble, but they've never wound me up like DD does - is it just a mother/daughter thing?