An update : DD is coming home after school on Monday. She has behaved for the FC this week, telling everyone where she will be and who she will be with, and going back to the FC's on time.
Until tonight. When she didn't go where she said she would, and didn't have her new basic mobile (with no fb or BBM on) because she'd left it in her boyfriend's mum's car. That's where she was MEANT to go, to her boyfriend's house, to pick it up.
Instead she went to our old estate with her mates, without letting anyone know.
I did the usual ringing around her mates to find her, got told by one that she wasn't with DD, so I informed that friend that if she DID see DD, to let her know that as there had been no contact, the FC was going to have to report her as an abscond at 7.45pm.
That that mate said she wasn't with DD had a distinct whiff of cod about it, because DD rang me from a number I didn't recognise at 7.35...just 10 minutes before she would have been reported as an abscond!
She didn't turn up at my house until 9.15 (!) when where she was she should have been here at 8.40 at the LATEST. She then proceeded to bug me for money, be downright rude non-stop, and start saying that she WILL be going out tomorrow. Despite having spent so much of her pocket money from the FC that she had to borrow the bus fare home for tonight.
She was rude about not having her phone, rude because I literally have no spare cash until Tuesday (mostly because I bought her effing birthday present, not that she knows that...), rude because I can't give her £10 a week pocket money like the FC can - I can only do £5 a week, rude because I've told her that I can only give her ONE bus fare at weekends because I don't have the money, and if she wants to go out both weekend days, she will have to pay the bus fare out of her pocket money. Same rules DS1 has to abide by. Rude because she was angling to stay the night because it will facilitate her bloody social life...
Accepting NO responsibility that while she might be ALLOWED to go out tomorrow, it was her choice to spend her entire £10 pocket money in one day, so that she doesn't have the money for bus fare, accepting NO responsibility for the fact that while she might WANT a phone, she had the opportunity and money to pick hers up today but CHOSE not to, arguing that the FC should let her make calls to mobiles from the FC's LL...
I do NOT see next week going well...
I do not see how this is possibly going to work, with DD thinking that what she wants is all that matters, still being verbally aggressive to try to get that, which will no doubt escalate into intimidation and violence once she is actually home, especially as she knows that SS are point blank REFUSING to pay for FC any further.
The FC confided in me today that if DD wasn't coming home on Monday, she would have had to move placement as the FC cannot cope with her any more. I have a feeling that this has pushed the review panel into forcing her home before any actual PLANS of what form the ongoing support is going to be.
All I currently have is weekly meetings with Dbit set up, who supposedly can help with flashpoints like getting DD ready for school, yet no actual appointments set up to help me know WHEN I will be getting that support, an offer of a day tobogganing on two person toboggans (yes, thoroughly helpful for a physically disabled parent with arthritis who has a 3yo with NO suitable Childcare due to his disabilities. The offer of 'he can sit in a chair and watch' made me guffaw with laughter. They fail to understand hyperactivity and development delay that means he functions at a level of a not-quite 2yo at 3yo...and sitting down is an alien concept to him, hence the FT 1-2-1 at preschool...
Nnnnnnngggggggg!!!
All I keep getting from the SW is "it's very difficult to book the appointments before she comes home, Dbit work with the family together in the home, and they book their next appointment when they are there, not in advance..."
DD just keeps saying "stop banging on, I've heard it all before" and is obviously not bothering to listen when I try to talk to her about how things need to be when she comes home.
She's also getting angry that I can't give her the three things she wants for her 16th Birthday. But each one ALONE is £££!
She wants an iPod Classic, to replace her worn out, broken nano. Done, I paid half, her dad paid half, they're 170 bloody quid!!
She wants a pair of professional quad skates, like all her friends (and they DO all have them FFS) ...cost around £200. Erm, nope, can't afford it, more than the entire budget I have for her birthday...
And last but not least, she wants to go for a shopping spree at Westfield like her close mate did just after Christmas for HER birthday. She wants £300 like her mate got...erm...nope again, that's doubled my entire budget for EVERYTHING for DD's birthday.
She keeps arguing that she's only asked for 3 things, it's her 16th Birthday, and it comes to far less than her friends got for THEIR 16th Birthdays. Again, I have seen the fb evidence myself, and she's right - most of them MUST have had a good grand at least spent on them.
How the FUCK can I get her to realise that I have around 1/10 of her friends parent's budgets?! And get her to stop being rude and obnoxious towards me?
When I knew my mother couldn't afford to buy ME the things I wanted, I went out and got a fucking job. Two actually...babysitting (quite lucrative, actually, I took on a job with a girl with severe Autism and her sister, nobody else would, and I taught her how to say "hiya mum". She was 10, and it was the first time her mum had heard her SAY mum. 
) but I did other babysitting jobs too, AND I took a Saturday job in a shop.
I EARNT the extra money I wanted, because I realised that my stepdad wasn't earning that much and my mother had had to give up work to look after my DBro with Aspergers.
Why can't DD bloody GRASP THE CONCEPT that we are piss poor and I haven't got a fucking money tree in the garden, feeling hard done by is pointless, she COULD get up and do something about it, she could do dog walking (there's a niche here, no dog walkers, oodles of dogs, a massive field that you are allowed to walk the dogs on, she could make a bloody killing, but won't because she refuses to pick up poo...).
Aaarrrrgghhhhh!
I don't know what to do if the support vanishes into the mist once DD is back.
On the plus side, YOTS (Youth Offending Team) are going to...get THEIR ED PSYCH to see DD.
Which is nothing short of a fucking miracle.
DD has been on SA+ (School Action Plus) since she was THREE YEARS OLD. She has only seen an EP twice in her entire school career - once when she was 5yo, after a huge amount of fighting, and again AFTER her SATS in Y6 when she was 11 - and I had to threaten the LA with legal action to get that.
She is now in Y11, and hasn't been seen by an EP in FIVE FUCKING YEARS.
She is being given over 21 hours a week on SA+, which is only meant to be used if the child needs 15 hours OR LESS help - anything over 15 hours SHOULD = a Statement, yet our LA still refuse to even assess her, and I don't have the energy for an appeal and/or legal action that I can't afford. My LA has ILLEGAL blanket levels which they have been fined for repeatedly in. Court, yet I've seen evidence with my own eyes, as the SenCo of DS2's junior school was quite open (I think she was angling for me to take legal action on the basis of this document that was left openly on the table that I wasn't meant to see IYSWIM...) that they DO in fact have illegal blanket levels before they will agree to assess.
Very conveniently, DS2 is ONE sub level above the illegal level 'required' for SA+ in literacy, and DD is ONE sub level above the illegal level 'required' before my LA will even ASSESS for a statement...
But an EP assessment!! YOTS want ALL her LD's dxd officially (they were, when she was preschool age, but conveniently all records got lost when the CDC moved from the old building to the new one, and my records aren't being accepted as I 'may have falsified them' according to the LA...). They want this so that they can see how her SPECIFIC LD's affect her in day to day life.
Maybe it will get me closer to where I need to be with understanding and helping her through this time.
She's still not doing well with the thought of transition from school to College - College seems nice, and fun, and interesting because it's what she wants to do - but the reality of it is getting to her, and she just doesn't want to leave school!!
Half term has been ok, DS1 has spent a few days up and down to his dad's (he can't stay overnight due to lack of space), though he's missing his half brother and half sister there as his dad isn't able to see them right now because his ex is a contact blocking biatch who doesn't give a shite about the effect not seeing his siblings will have on DS1, she just wants to hurt DS1's dad. so he's trying to deal with that - the last time he saw them was Christmas Eve. Same as his dad. Who is struggling because he is waiting for a court date.
DS2 is going through the 10yo testosterone surge, and is growing, but also becoming surly, and like a teenager already. Deep joy - three of the bloody things now!
DS3 has had his first hair cut, all his ginger curls gorn, and he looks like a big boy now, not my baby. 
It was time though - the other DC's at preschool were putting his hair up in hair bands in the role play bit! not that he minded as long as he got the Cinderella dress.
Major ruckus with my booze laden mother, but that was a couple of days ago now, and all is quiet on the Western Front there for now. DBro coping as best he can, hiding out of mothers way. Stepdad losing the fucking plot, think mother's drinking is tipping him over the edge!
Sorry for the epic post, massive update, will post again Monday evening, after I've seen how the first night back has gone. Have a SW appointment first, then an appointment with Dbit with me and Dd together. That's going to be fun...