My 14 Old Daughter Says She Wants to be a Boy

[Somebiscuits]

I have a dilemma. My daughter has expressed her dissatisfaction with many aspects of femininity before - periods for instance and the fact that women do not have true equality with men- and I have been very sympathetic. She doesn't like having breasts and quickly went from wearing ordinary bras to wearing sports bras. That was okay too.I suppose I was waiting for her to accept that she was growing up and mature a little bit.

However, recently she has announced that she has body dysmorphia and wants to be a male. She has asked to see a counsellor and last night asked me to buy bindings so she can flatten her breasts completely. I refused because I believe this could permanently damage her - she's still growing after all. She flew off the handle and now I don't know what to do.

The thing is I am pretty liberal and accepting and I would accept this more if she had a history of dressing or acting like a boy. She hasn't and has an interest in girls things like make up, hair and clothes. She is not gay. Her dislike of being female seems more to do with the physical and social aspects than a deep feeling that she was born in the wrong gender.

All this has left me very confused. I'm loathe to start her on counselling for fear she'll end up going down a particular path which I am not at all convinced is the right one. On the other hand I want to support her and the best I can for her while she finds out about herself. What should I do?

Maybe she is confused and experimenting. I would try find a non harmful alternative to the binders and if she likes it go from there
next step would be counselling. I’d be clear she is accepted whatever she chooses and you will support her but safely.
personalky I don’t believe in making perm changes until they are full developed and 18 and after years of therapeutic work to understand the changes they are making to their body but I wouldn’t shame them or go against it

She's getting validation from people on the internet that find this acceptable. Went through this nightmare with my daughter. Just because a child doesn't like her body doesn't mean she isn't going to grow out of this stage. All teens go through feelings of not feeling good about their bodies. It's a normal development that we have turned into this crazy self-diagnosis by google. Body dysmorphia is rare. Look up Lisa Littman's work on rapid onset of gender dysphoria.

Yeap. Been there, done that all. Asked for a binder. Wore black hoodies in June. Painted herself as a boy in school painting exhibition of self portraits. Wrote instagram posts etc talking about how she feels trapped in a girl's body and she is actually a boy. How she hates her female parts.

We later discovered that she was mostly influenced by her friends and youtubbers she was watchinhg and that she was dealing with depression.

Did she come out of it? If so, how old? This phase is taking forever

Took her years, but my case just may be different. I just discovered this mom that was able to get her daughter out of it sooner. She is dedicated to the cause. She has a website called https://ourduty.group/registration/. I just registered and feel like I want to be an advocate for them. I went through literal hell with my daughter and still feel this whole thing ruined her emotionally. I was helpless at the time because the state of California thought I was abusive for not supporting it

he probably is a boy, just because he hasn't acted like one his whole life doesn't mean he's not.

Update! After a long 5 years of trying to make sense of it, my daughter desisted. It happened her first week away at college. She sent me a text to please call her by her birth name and that she enjoys being a young woman. She said being away at college opened her eyes. It was unexpected and we are relieved. She was influenced by peers in middle school and high school; she was influenced by YouTube. We knew the behavior truly wasn’t her. But we had to be patient and wait-not try to fight it. I wasn’t going to use pronouns or a male name for her. It wouldn’t have come from a sincere place. She told me she is grateful that I didn’t give in to those whims.

So happy that your daughter feels at home in her own skin once again, you must be hugely relieved. It is such a long and difficult road to navigate.

Thank you; I was in constant stress-how to rescue her from the indoctrination, because that’s what it was. The students were systematically indoctrinated. we did not know it was happening at the time, but now that we look back, we see it, and it’s still going on at the schools. It was an extremely difficult time.