My 14 Old Daughter Says She Wants to be a Boy

[Somebiscuits]

I have a dilemma. My daughter has expressed her dissatisfaction with many aspects of femininity before - periods for instance and the fact that women do not have true equality with men- and I have been very sympathetic. She doesn't like having breasts and quickly went from wearing ordinary bras to wearing sports bras. That was okay too.I suppose I was waiting for her to accept that she was growing up and mature a little bit.

However, recently she has announced that she has body dysmorphia and wants to be a male. She has asked to see a counsellor and last night asked me to buy bindings so she can flatten her breasts completely. I refused because I believe this could permanently damage her - she's still growing after all. She flew off the handle and now I don't know what to do.

The thing is I am pretty liberal and accepting and I would accept this more if she had a history of dressing or acting like a boy. She hasn't and has an interest in girls things like make up, hair and clothes. She is not gay. Her dislike of being female seems more to do with the physical and social aspects than a deep feeling that she was born in the wrong gender.

All this has left me very confused. I'm loathe to start her on counselling for fear she'll end up going down a particular path which I am not at all convinced is the right one. On the other hand I want to support her and the best I can for her while she finds out about herself. What should I do?

Hello everyone,
First, I’d like to say that you’re all very good parents. The fact that you’re worried about the well-being of your daughters shows how much you care.
I too have been in your place and have had to deal with all these issues but I’m in a better place and less worried now. Not because my child (I won’t say daughter because I she does not see herself as a girl) changed her mind. For the past three years she has been saying that she wants to be a boy. At first I was scared, I was in panic, I was worried sick. I restricted access to internet and added parental controls and browsed history to make sure she has not accessing information about this that could influence her even more. I was afraid because I wasn’t informed. Was this normal? What happened? My child had been alright and suddenly at 12 years wants to be a boy? Why? What was causing this? Was it something we as parents did wrong? Was it problems at school? Was she trying to copy someone? Was it a phase? Should I ignore it?
Should I discuss it with GP? At the same time I avoided to talk to her about this because I was didn’t want to encourage the subject and I didn’t want to make her think about this. I thought it was best to avoid it. Then I did some research about treatments and I told her that becoming a boy was dangerous for her health and she was too young anyway to think about this. She should enjoy her childhood for the time being. In the meantime I prayed it would go away. I prayed it was a phase. Until I realised the damage I was doing. I was grieving the loss of a daughter for whom I had so many dreams. This was a shock to me. It never occurred to me that this could happen to me. And in my fear and grief I decided that I was not to let this happen. Have you realised that I’m just talking about me and how I felt? Yes, I realised that too, thankfully. And my child certainly saw that too. And more, it was the stigma of having a transgender child that was preventing me to deal with this. It was then that I decided that as a parent, I had to make sure that she should get all the help and support she needed and I was not going to let stigma prevent me from doing what was best for my child and giver the support that she needed. Because how was all this for her? How did all this affect her? Was she feeling lonely? Did she have anyone to talk to about this? I’m her mother, I should be there for her regardless of what the problem is. She should be able to confide in me about anything. But I didn’t realise that in my worried state I was shutting her out. Plus, what message was I giving to my child? I will only accept you if you’re a girl or if you stay as you were born? That is not unconditional love. I should love her regardless of who she decides to be. And she was not doing anything wrong. She was just being herself. Do we really believe that children decide this on a whim? Like they wake up one day and go like “so from today I decided I’m going to be transgender”. No, it doesn’t work like that. And it can be confusing for parents if a girl says she wants to be a boy and does not act like one and still hangs out with girls. It’s not all straight forward in their heads as we think. And it’s certainly not all definite. I’ve come to realise that what really matters is that we love our children for whom they are, for the amazing people and human beings that they are, regardless of how they feel about themselves or who they choose to be. Transgender people are not necessarily bad, crazy or abnormal. That is the stigma that these people have to live with in society. Is not a mental illness. Rejection, lack of support can lead to depression and suicide ideation in transgender people. Imagine not being accepted by your own family and friends. Not being able to be who you truly are. It’s very Isolating and emotionally damaging. We need to be there for our children, access the support that they can’t by themselves. It doesn’t matter who they choose to be, what matters is that they’re healthy. My child is now on a 2 year assessment. This means that she is being followed by a team of psychologists and psychiatrist and that both her and we as parents get the support we need. The aim is to see how she develops in the next two years, how things go, give her plenty of time, support her with decisions. No one is rushing anything and doctors have told her that this might not be definite. Maybe one day she will begin to feel different and maybe not. They have discussed at length all her options with regards to treatment should she one day decide to go for it. They’ve discussed all other things related to this. They are very impartial and are just there to offer support and help us all make informed decisions as much as they can. And I’m really glad my child is having this support. I’m glad I overcame the stigma and accessed the help that my child so desperately needed. When I child becomes an adult and looks back on this I want her to see how I respected her as a person, how I loved her for whom she was, not for what she was, how much I supported her. I don’t want my child to get to adult age with a lot of unresolved problems, emotional problems because I was not able to deal with this properly and I did not access the support she needed. I don’t want my child to think that because of stigma I am not doing anything. I don’t want to teach her that. I want her to be strong, to have confidence, to challenge this stigma and to fight against it.
I wish you all the best and regardless of how your daughters may feel, lee them explore that, let them take their time. Maybe they want to try a chest binder. Let them see how it is. Be there to support them. It’s their life, ultimately they should be the ones to decide. They will feel valued, respected, loved. And this is very important for their emotional and mental well-being.

I couldn’t read through these fast enough!! I feel so lost right now! My 14 yr old daughter handed a note to me the other day and walked out the front door to play with her friends. The note was extremely well written. It was evident that she had done quite a bit of research on transgender. She told me how she didn’t feel comfortable in her body. She said she felt more comfortable dressing like a boy. She actually used the terms appropriately and asked that her family start referring to her as him or he.

As she sat outside giggling and listening to music with her friends, I stood inside my house crying harder than I’ve cried in a long time. I have so many emotions going on inside my head. First, I’m pissed!!! I know it sounds mean, but I am!! I have always backed her up with every idea she has had, but I don’t know how to do this!! She has always been a drama queen and what I call a chameleon.

In the 4th grade, she had a friend who liked girls , she thought this sounded like a good idea. She liked a girl and then it passed.

In 7th grade, a girl was cutting herself, she saw the attention this was getting her, so she did it. Over the summer she didn’t see this girl and all was fine. Back to school with the friend, cutting again. Superficial cuts which got her attention. Doesn’t hang around this friend anymore and now this to has passed.

8th grade. She sat next to me a few months ago and asked me “ mommy, when you were my age, did you ever feel like you wanted to be a boy?” I was taken a back with this and simply answered “ no”. End of conversation. She cuts her hair super short. Has a friend who is unsure of her sexuality and gender and now, she says she wants to be a boy.

My daughter is funny, smart ( her teachers live her), she has many friends and is in extracurricular activities. I feel like she just does things for attention, but I’m not sure. I have an appointment with a counselor, but it’s nit for a few more weeks. In the mean time, I don’t know how to deal wth this. I feel disgusted , I feel so bad, but I do. I love her, but right now, am feeling things I should not. I am sure that there are those of you who will want to bash me right now, please don’t. You will not be telling me anything I don’t already know about my feelings toward her. I am a great mom. If not, she would not have felt that she could come to me with this. I have been through so much during my own childhood that most people wonder how I made it to where I am today. I have always taken pride in being a loving mother and always vowed to have a relationship with my children that my mother did not have with me. I am reaching out because I honestly do lot know how to handle this!! Maybe it’s because I feel she is doing it for attention .... maybe it’s because I am afraid it’s real

Rainha, I am at the beginning of your journey. I pray that mine goes as well as yours. I feel so selfish right now. I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing to my daughter. I’m afraid of her looking back one day and thinking I wasn’t there for her, but for the first time ever, I don’t know what to say to her. Maybe because I know it’s something she doesn’t want to hear? I just want my daughter!! I want my funny , loving, smart , kind, caring daughter!!!!

Dear Tanner, I feel your pain very well. I got same note on New year's eve and my life is not same any more. It hurts because we bring our kids to this life and have certain expectations for them. When I was thinking of my daughter's teens years I couldn't even imagine that such a thing can come over her life. My pain is so big and my feelings toward her are different now because I am still adjusting and I can't speed this process. An when we talk with her I always say "please don't rush with any conclusions because things may change in e few years from now"
I don't know what happened but a week ago she said to me" mom if I would say that you were right and I am not a transgender and don't have a body dissformia. What would you say to me?"
I was frozen in a moment and my answer was " I don't know what to say"
I didn't hug her I was emotionless

This journey is utterly terrifying and I certainly don't think there is a right way of going about it. Support your daughters by loving them and accepting them and by supporting any mental health issues they have. I don't think this means you have to accept just yet that they will be transgender in the future. I think they can have gender dysphoria for a number of reasons, this doesn't necessarily mean they will transition. They are teenagers living in a time which presents so many challenges and pressures. We are 18 months into this journey. My daughter doesn't talk about her feelings very much and as much as I would like to think they are changing I think if I asked her today she would still say she wants to be a boy. I have however noticed subtle changes. She is less anxious, she is more sociable and happier in herself. I have always accepted that she feels as she does, but have always maintained that she might be more comfortable with herself in the future. Had I just said yes to everything she would be on testosterone and be wearing a binder by now. She accepts the need to take things slowly for her sake as well as for ours. It is too much to bear otherwise. I too feel selfish not totally accepting her as transgender but there are so many stories of detransition and it is important to remember all teenagers have issues, some of which cause real mental anguish. It doesn't mean they will last forever.

I can’t believe I am reading such similar stories. I have been dealing with this issue with my 14 year old daughter for about 3 months now. I am having a very hard time dealing with it. I feel the same as allatsea about taking it slow. She didn’t like that idea so she left to live with her Dad and is refusing to come back. Her Dad is giving her everything she is asking for including new male wardrobe, short hair, a binder and calling her “he”, etc. Her Dad and I are not on the same page. Has anyone’s daughter been in a relationship? Mine claims she’s dating another girl and when I asked if this girl likes boys or girls she replied boys. Our therapist feels this could be why she’s feeling the need to be a boy. I just feeling like I’m living a total nightmare and I feel so sad for her that she is so confused. Allatsea you say they have gender dysphoria for a number of reasons. What are these reasons? I can’t seem to get that answer from the professionals they just keep saying you have to go along with it and let it ride out and it will typically lose steam. Tanner I feel same as you. I want my daughter back. I feel like it’s just a shell of her right now.

I'm so sorry, that's infuriating.

Hello, fbswitz I am sorry to hear that you too are in this situation. It is truely awful and by far the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. For the first few months after my daughter told us I felt like my life had stopped, this was something that would be irreversible, I had lost my beautiful, happy daughter. I still sometimes feel like that but 18 months later it feels as though everything has changed and nothing has changed. If I could have told myself anything in the early months it would be to hang on to the thought that this is likely to be something that she works through. I keep myself sane with thinking that even though she still maintains this is her. I do this because I have read a lot about the teenage brain and know now that it isn't fully developed until between 22-25 years. I don't think it's a coincidence that studies on teenagers who detransition do so in their early twenties, they have grown up and are able to see things more clearly. Our children are being exposed to ideas and possibilities that we never were. There are people who having gender dysphoria means they will be transgender for life but I think they are still very few. Cases of sudden onset gender dysphoria have risen so sharply in the last few years it must be linked with changes in society and the pressures girls face. My daughter was at her happiest just before this idea took hold. Since, even with the hair cut and boys clothes she has only got more miserable. I think she is trying so hard to be something else and it's exhausting her. I believe that teenagers revert back to form once they have gone through those difficult years and show the characteristics that they had as younger children. If you look on the thread ' another teenage girl who wants to be a boy' there is a link to an article reviewing the book I am jazz, it is alarming reading but there is a section on reasons for gender dysphoria. Stay strong, I know it is really hard, there are times especially when I am tired or hormonal myself when I am just clinging to sanity but I have to try to take the long view and I also have to trust in my instincts as a parent. With no real reason from my daughter to think it I still believe she will find a way to be happy as a female one day. She will I think be quirky and unusual as she always has been . So many of these girls are aged around 14, clever, creative, lovely unusual people but it is so hard to be a teenager. They don't see themselves as mainstream girls so think they must be boys, I hope biology will win out in the end. It must be especially hard for you that she is with her dad now. Take care

Sounds very similar to our situation. It is difficult to work out how to be supportive and lvibg without agreeing with our daughters conclusions.

I found this post just over 2 years ago. My happy, quirky, intelligent daughter had become miserable, and withdrawn almost overnight. She was so unhappy with her changing body, she felt it had to be wrong. And there were a lot of people online and in the real world who were quick to congratulate her on finding her true self, offering a path of transition as a way to happiness. and no one was questioning her and asking why (other than me and her dad).
Roll on 2 years, and I once again have a happy, quirky, intelligent daughter, with the addition now of confidence.
She needed to go through the last two years to find herself and she’s all the stronger for it.
Yes it was difficult to go through for all of us. I’m a mother and a fixer, and I couldn’t help her. I could only comfort her on her struggle and tell her it’s okay to feel lost.
She knew that I believed that one day she would accept her body and that her physicality did not label her with any stereotypes. She could be who she wanted to be without medical intervention/hormones surgery’s etc. She didn’t believe me, but we agreed that it was ok to have different views. We talked about gender, stereotypes, and non conformity, but not massively. We didn’t bombard her or try to change her mind, we just let her know there were other conclusions to how she felt.
We helped her get a part time job And we tried to keep her mind busy on the now.
But in the end, she pulled herself out of the unhappiness by herself. And as she did she saw clearer that although she doesn’t feel particularly girly, she doesn’t feel like a boy either. I saw the child of 2 years ago come back into the room.
All I ever want and wanted for her was for her to feel happy and confident.

That's wonderful that your daughter has come through this and is happy in her own skin

Thank you so much for sharing this. Hearing stories like yours helps me to have confidence in my instincts that one day my daughter will be happy in herself, it seems a way off at the moment but I have learnt to take the long view.

Thanks for sharing that JBWELL4 - that is encouraging. It sounds as though you did a great job supporting your child through a very difficult time.
Wishing you well for the future!

I also have a 14 year old DD going through this.

She is also smart, quirky, non-conforming and, at the moment, pretty miserable. The body discomfort started with puberty and I believe she may also be depressed.

We've fully adopted the name change but I am still struggling to get the pronouns right because it just feels so wrong.

Therapy has started and the wait for the Tavistock referral is long - about 14 months. It's so hard feeling helpless and unable to do anything to make her feel better.

We've been as calm and accepting as we can I am just so determined to hold off on any physical treatment for as long as possible.

DD doesn't really talk to us about what she's feeling but she seems lost and like she doesn't know who she is. The idea that someone might suggest blockers or hormones as a treatment for a mentally unstable confused teenager just terrifies me.

Of course we will deal with whatever we have to but I still hope she might come out the other side and be happy in her body. She's never been girly and has had years of people glancing at the short hair and the boys clothes and assuming she's a boy so I'm sure that hasn't helped.

She came out in dramatic fashion and there does seem to be some relief that we now know but I can't say I've noticed her being happier living as a boy with the new name.

My heart breaks for these poor girls who feel so lost that they want to surgically alter their bodies .

We try to do fun stuff that doesn't involve a screen but it's hard to find things she's interested in.

Love and support to everyone going through this .

Gatherly you sound like you are doing what you can to support your child. We are in a similar position, but mine is a bit older.

We do a bit of (very bad!) painting/art together - which is screen free. Also dog walking.

We are basically waiting and watching, we support our child in the new name but very anxious that the real problem is something else that won't get explored and that medical intervention is not going to help long term.

This is a really helpful piece of writing:

4thwavenow.com/2018/05/10/the-project-of-a-lifetime-a-therapists-letter-to-a-trans-identified-teen/

All the best to you.

I have spent tireless hours on the Internet over the past few days. My 14 year old daughter texted me on Monday while at school to tell me that she was no longer comfortable identifying as a female and identified as a boy. She stated that she had been feeling like this for the past year but wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. About 8 months ago she came out as bisexual, in which I responded ok, I don’t care who you love you will always be my daughter and I will love you no matter what. ( I, of course, was thinking how can you know what your sexuality is before you’ve had a sexual experience. I mean we all appreciate beauty in the opposite sex) so shortly after her declaration she entered a relationship with a boy, but maintained that she was bisexual. A 5 month relationship with this boy ended and shortly after she started immediately searching for a new relationship, first with a girl then with a boy and then she declared to me that she was pansexual (I didn’t have any idea what that was, hence internet search... and pansexuality is attraction to all genders) ok that’s fine I replied, again I don’t care who you love you are still my daughter and I’ll love you no matter what. A couple months later she comes to me and tells me she feels like she is gender fluid. Again, I had no idea exactly what it was and she seemed to be changing herself with the wind and not necessarily being consistent with these behaviors but insisting on these identities, putting herself out there making declarations and so I thought she is just looking for some sort of attention, let’s just go with it. She didn’t do anything after these declarations to fit into these roles and I am very in tune with her. I’ve never seen any behavior from her that would hint at her being a boy.
She has had some trauma in the past, abandonment issues from her father, a few sexual traumas that have made her very uncomfortable and we just moved to a new town in which she started a new school,( high school nonetheless) and we blended two families together. She has always been an only child and is now a middle child with my boyfriends daughter being older than her and his son being younger. She has always had low confidence in her self and self esteem issues.
I started her in therapy a few weeks ago to get some help with these previous issues (abandonment, self esteem, confidence, and the sexual trauma) Her therapist has also had experience with gender dysphoria.
I have read through this forum and am happy to hear that I am not alone in this process. I am here because I am a mess! I haven’t slept much since my daughter told me she wanted to be a boy, I am not sure how to proceed. We have seen the therapist once and it seemed to go well. I just feel like I’m on a tightrope. I need advice. I don’t want to open up and be totally accepting and go full force with this transition so quick, but my daughter is adamant to change her clothes her hair, bind her breasts, wants to be called he and by a different name. I feel like I’m in a tailspin, I mean she only told me three days ago. She knows I love her, she knows I always will no matter what, she knows this is hard for me (truthfully I am so scared of my reaction to this) I have been crying nonstop and do not want my feelings to get in the way of her feelings. I just need advice. With the therapist advice I have accepted that she is going to change her clothing style and we have created a timeline for the hair cutting (my daughter on the other hand doesn’t want to stick to the timeline, she wants it all to change now) I am not open to the idea of medicines or surgery because I feel there aren’t enough studies on the actual effects this will have on her body...and this is my brain right now...confused, lost, scared, worried I’ll push her too far in one direction or the other, going absolutely crazy over here. Please help!

So sorry to hear your struggles BreeP.

Is there nobody you can talk to? A GP or can you have an appointment with the therapist for yourself?
It's important to find out what you can about it all to try and clear your head a little bit. We have a few gender identity family days that DC dragged me to and it really explained a lot.

I wouldn't rush into going full support there is ways the chance she'll change her mind because she's going through a portion of her life where she will question who she is.

I went from lesbian to straight for a few years as a youngen until I finally settled on bi.

The most important thing you can do is be supportive. And by that I mean simply be there for her, tell her she's not alone in this, and you know it's causing her distress.
Take it slow.
I let DC cut their hair short quite quick but that's just because I'm quite lax about it, hair grows back and mines shaven so I'd be hypocritical lol.

If the therapy is going well then stick with it and remember you're both going through a lot at this time.
I know you don't want your feelings getting in her way but you have to remember thimat this is really scary for both of you and you both need to support each other.

Just take it one step at a time and both compromise to meet in the middle.
Maybe talk to her about when she realised this and how to get a better understanding?

I know I'm not much help but I'm sending lots of love

(whatever you two do, I would put binders down on the list, they're really harming to breast tissue and it's not something she wants in case she does change her mind)

I did have a long conversation with the therapist before my daughter saw her. She said we are going to work on building her confidence as a person first before making any decisions about gender, make sure she is happy in her skin. Also, we are going to take things slowly. We are trying to find a way to meet in the middle, but she is an impatient child and always has been ( I want it all and I want it now kind of attitude).

I am trying now to approach this in a it’s not a big deal kind of way, like ok you want to be a boy whatever it’s not a big deal. It is not like we exercise stereotypical gender roles in our house, so dress how you like. I ordered her a few boys clothing pieces and am allowing to cut her hair in 2 weeks as long as she pays for things herself out of her allowance money.

Some of my problem with it is...I feel like this is popular for her to do. She has never fit in, and always had a hard time with friends. Her previous school was in a town that had very small minded people who judged her constantly. We moved to a bit of a bigger town and she is seeing other teens in this being so widely accepted. I feel like it is just something to do, a way for acceptance, but she is so adamant on doing it now. Right this minute everything has to change. She has already told her friends and have them calling her a different name. She barely even knows these friends but is putting it all out there.

I’m sure you know as well as I do...we will always love our children, but I am so scared of what this does for her social life. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. And there is where my mind goes wonky...is me telling her to put the brakes on and slow down hurting her, will me allowing it hurt her...argghh.

Thank you so much for your kind words! I greatly appreciate it. I wish we always knew exactly how to handle things, but this is her life to live and I have to let her explore herself. I wish kids took their mothers advice, if we did we’d all be brilliant lol.

Ok so it sounds like your daughter is trans. I myself am trans and i know this feeling of being born in the wrong gender and despising the physical aspects of my body. I know it might be a lot to take in but if she really is this feeling won't go away. She obviously feels safe with you so don't screw this up. You'll have to listen. The shame of being trans and having your parent disapprove ruined my highschool years. it was unbearable to come home and be told i was trash.

I notice no one has brought up ROGD (rapid onset gender dysphoria) on this thread. Here's a description of the phenomenon, which has only recently been recognised:

ROGD is the name given to the situation in which an adolescent child, who has shown no prior belief that they are ‘in the wrong body’ suddenly expresses a desire to transition, usually after spending a lot of time on social media. These kids are often autistic, gay.

There was research published earlier this year on ROGD. Here's a link to the original research and here's an article.about ROGD by Lily Maynard, blogger and mother of a trans child.

Hi, my name is Milo.

Three years ago I came out as transgender to my own parents. They were going through what you're going through now. I'd like to say that the best thing you can do for your questioning child is to support them.

I, too, went through periods of my life where I liked typically "feminine" things. This confused my parents, making them think it was just something I would get over, or that it was just my changing body.

A chest binder (something that you wear to flatten your chest) does not cause any permanent damage if you use it correctly. It is completely safe as long as you don't wear it for more than 8 hours at a time. A binder can help your transgender teen's confidence, as well as boost mental health.

I can understand how this can be scary. You thought you knew your child, and suddenly they're telling you that you don't. But please think about how hard it is for your child to constantly be uncomfortable with who they are. Coming out to my parents as trans was the scariest thing I've ever done.

When transgender kids don't have the support of their parents, they can fall into a depression. The attempted suicide rate of transgender teens who's families don't accept them is a scary 58%. The attempted suicide rate of transgender teens who's families DO accept them is 4%.

I would advise any struggling parents out there to find other parents who have gone through the same things you are going through. I would also advise that you stay away from terms as in "my daughter wants to be a boy" or "my daughter thinks shes a boy". These terms are extremely hurtful.

Your child is scared. Your child just wants to be themselves. They trusted you with this information about themselves. They're vulnerable and need your support.

It has been three years since I came out to my mom. I had just been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and was going through a tough time in my life. My parents struggled, but I can say now that they refer to me as their youngest son, and it makes me the happiest guy in the world.

Your child needs you. Would you rather have a child who identifies as the gender opposite to the one they were born with, or would you rather have a dead child?

Please message me if you have any questions. I would love to help out any struggling parents, or any individuals who are questioning their identity. You are not alone.

I know it has been a while since this thread, just wondering if anyone has any outcome updates- for lack of a better term.
My daughter is 15 and now wants to be a boy. She has been in therapy for a long time due to her self esteem issues, depression, anxiety... In her words... "self loathing". However, my mom instincts tell me that she has never expressed signs of "being in the wrong body". Even now in the recent years, she spends hundreds of dollars on make up, cute clothes- has had a boyfriend, which she became intimate with...... All this to say, why does all of a sudden, when there is trouble in paradise, does she want to be a boy, and shave her head, etc.? She claims I'm not supportive, but I have told her time and time again- I love you and support you always and no matter what, but you have to work on loving yourself as a human and so on before taking on an entire different life change. As her mom, I've noticed a lifetime of her being a 'bandwagon' type person- which basically means she sees something that interest her, and she jumps on the bandwagon and takes it on for herself. I feel a lot of her depression stemmed from watching YouTube videos of depressed kids, and she absorbed all that pain and hurt for no reason, because she has had a good childhood. Any updates and advise would be great! I truly hope all your kids are doing well!

KarlyRo

I really, really hope this is an attention-seeker and not a genuine parent who genuinely thinks like this.

I am so relieved to read some of your comments jbro123. My 16 year old has just told us that she feels disgusted with her breasts and feels sick to her stomach when she is referred to by her name or as a girl. We have been trying to be supportive and encourage conversation about her feelings, but it all seems so surreal. I am in the U.S. and many therapists jump right into assuming she is transgender instead of focusing in on the source of her feelings. It is scary and I agree, we can't discount our own feelings. The mood here seems to be that if you don't believe in non binary, gender fluidity etc. than you are a bigot or homophobe. That feels wrong to me. I want what's best for our daughter and won't be made to feel bad for saying no to a binder, pronoun changes and testosterone. I can't tell you how much comfort this thread and your words have provided. Thanks.

Interesting article here about how complex and thoughtful treatment should be for adolescents experiencing gender confusion:

go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.docdroid.net/57t8V1q/clarke-2019-extened-clinical-assessment.pdf