Plse HELP..now found innappropriate txts on 14yr olds phone from 18yr old

[febel]

Hi, sorry to be asking again...am having a bad week this week and now found all my fears about 14 year old boyfriend are prob as nothing ...found VERY inappropriate texts from 18/19 yr old on 14 yr old daughters phone. He helps at her local watersports club and has just gone back to uni..and is doing a course in helping teach kids sports etc No doubt she is not been without blame..leading him on ..BUT the texts he hs sent are to do with her losing her virginity to him, with him licking...well..you get the general picture. She was asking me why her phone wouldn't send mms ..and thank god it wouldn't cos found out from her texts that she was goin to send him some of her as long as he didn't put em on f/bk etc (!!!doesn't she listen at school or to ME ever?!) What should I do..she is hysterical upstairs, made herself sick over it..saying she has ruined his career if I tell anyone etc.

I do know him from the club vaguely, and his dad..if I phone him (the lad) and have a word it doesn't solve the fact he may be back in the hols to help at the club...and I feel he can't come back and help..but his dad is so big in the club he will. I don't want to get him into loads of trouble but feel he shouldn't have done it..he has a duty of care to the youngsters he is dealing with even if they do lead him on at times.

Plse help

[fortyplus]

ps that would apply even if - like our club - everyone is a volunteer

[LittlePushka]

I would report.... " to the police ..."I ought to have said above.

I would also be advising my child (who at 14 is clearly very sexually vulnerable) of the might of the law and the effect it has. And I would be explaining to him/her that 16 is the age the law has imposed precisely because of the vulnerability.

It is grooming,..it is not innocent - requests for photos are never innocent.

Do not be complicit in this.

[Pan]

yes it is grooming a child for sex and yes to the report to police. This isn't a matter for sports clubs or fathers of the groomer.

[GothAnneGeddes]

He needs to be reported OP.

Seekers comment about teenage girls vs teenage boys is spot on.

[deemented]

Yes, i agree with Seekers comment too - i would be equally as horrified though, if it had been to a boy.

One thing that does amuse me somewhat, is that some posters are referring to him as a boy. He is not a boy. He is a grown adult man. Who seems to know exactly what he is doing. And probably thinks he's gotten away with it. To imply that he is a boy is akin to seeing him as a child too, something which he clearly is not.

[Jenski]

OP - I think you are seriously letting your daughter down, and potentially many more children!

This man's act is not one of immaturity, it is WRONG and DANGEROUS!

You have this information - it is very much in your hands.

[TheOriginalFAB]

It is an important point that you also need a very serious talk with your dd about her behaviour and the consequences for both of them should this go further, and indeed the ones already occuring.

[snazaroo]

I think you have dealt with it well. Fair play to you for ringing him up.

I agree with the others who have said he is in a position of trust and for that reason alone it should be dealt with.

[snazaroo]

I am just cringing imagining what my H would do/be tempted to do if this happened to us...

[snazaroo]

yes dandy actually I hadn't thought of that, you are right.

[MangoMonster]

Everything is tracked, police will be able to get hold of the information anyway if necessary.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I have to say I agree with those who say that you must report him to the police, OP. The only reason that he had access to your DD was because he was in a position of authority at the club.

My DS1 is a football ref (he is 17) and has had to do a safeguarding children course. He was disgusted when i read him this thread.

This is not a silly little boy we're talking about here. If he has been teaching, he will have done a safeguarding course and he has blatantly against what he has been taught.

Don't give him another chance. It definitely is grooming. You have to explain this to your DD. He isn't her boyfriend that she met on a night out. She met him at a sports club where he was her teacher.

[madmummad]

"So we all have different opinions. For what it's worth I'm sure that the OP will keep a very close eye on her DD, particularly in relation to this sports club - which the boy helps out at, doesn't work at."

I'm sure the OP will aj. But who is going to be keeping an eye on my DD when she innocently signs up for a club run by this man? No one because if his present employer chooses to take it no further then this will happen again - not inconceivable that it will be to the DD of someone on here. Think again OP. Believe me, he is a groomer. There are only two reasons why someone chooses the uni course he did - because they want to help kids out of a genuine enthusiasm and will therefore take their training enormously seriously, oncluding child protection issues Or they want access to the young girls they fancy.

[Chrononaut]

you know by not reporting him your letting this happen to another little girl?

[WalkHomeBitches]

your DD is only 14 and losing her 'V' to this guy is obvs a big thing for her
i think you should talk to her 1st about her feelings for this 'Lad'

He is over 16 and he could actually be sent to prison for this i think you should speak to the boy ask him how he feels about your daugther and possibly get the both togther to explain it is a very serious thing not only losing your V but having illgeal sexual intercourse and yes his carrer and the rest of his life could be ruined if they don't sort things out

but there is an element of blackmail if he breaks up with your daugther she could report him to the police for rape, things could turn nasty

I would take away your DD phone and laptop or PC and she should only be allowed on the laptop or PC downstairs were you can see what she is going on

Also i would check your DD's FB once every 2 weeks or so just so you know what she is doing
hope this helps you

[MaryRose]

when I was 16 I had a 25 year old boyfriend. We're married with four kids now. But I was 16, which was legal, not 14, and he was not in a position of responsibility. I wouldn't go the police, I would just do what you have done and scare the crap out of him. That may well be enough. A 14 year old is still a child, but we all know 14 year olds can be scarily precocious!

[sqweegiebeckenheim]

he gets found out sending sexually explicit texts to a 14 year old and moves on to a 13 year old?

Do these sound like the actions of a 'naive' young man? really? I'm shocked at how many people have implied the OP's daughter is at fault. It doesn't matter if she was running the length and breadth of the sports field stark bollock naked, it would STILL not be her fault.

He is a man, in a position of authority, with READY ACCESS to silly young girls.

This is so very much a matter for the police. OP, you're sending your 14 year old a dreadful message by not reporting this to the police

[Oblomov]

Has Op come back ? I was very saddened to see that she phoned the young man to have a 'chat'. I don't think that was a good move. And then she was thinking about phoning the club. what , where the dad is very overbearing and will get this brushed under the carpet ?
Have you phoned the Club back to ask for an update ?
And have you phoned NSPCC, OP or taken any advice ? What does you dh think ?
I'm sorry but your naieveity, of 'well he didn't actually HAVE sex with her', and 'oh this isn't that bad',attitude. Is really frightening. THIS IS SERIOUS OP !!
An I am one to normally downplay everything. but for god sake woman, DO SOMETHING, please.

[sqweegiebeckenheim]

I know, Oblomov, the attitude that oh well he didn't actually sleep with her is just staggering.