Plse HELP..now found innappropriate txts on 14yr olds phone from 18yr old

[febel]

Hi, sorry to be asking again...am having a bad week this week and now found all my fears about 14 year old boyfriend are prob as nothing ...found VERY inappropriate texts from 18/19 yr old on 14 yr old daughters phone. He helps at her local watersports club and has just gone back to uni..and is doing a course in helping teach kids sports etc No doubt she is not been without blame..leading him on ..BUT the texts he hs sent are to do with her losing her virginity to him, with him licking...well..you get the general picture. She was asking me why her phone wouldn't send mms ..and thank god it wouldn't cos found out from her texts that she was goin to send him some of her as long as he didn't put em on f/bk etc (!!!doesn't she listen at school or to ME ever?!) What should I do..she is hysterical upstairs, made herself sick over it..saying she has ruined his career if I tell anyone etc.

I do know him from the club vaguely, and his dad..if I phone him (the lad) and have a word it doesn't solve the fact he may be back in the hols to help at the club...and I feel he can't come back and help..but his dad is so big in the club he will. I don't want to get him into loads of trouble but feel he shouldn't have done it..he has a duty of care to the youngsters he is dealing with even if they do lead him on at times.

Plse help

if dd1 when she was 14 had had an 18 year old boyfriend i'd have been a bit if said boyfriend had sent her really explicit texts i'd be ringing his parents- if i then found out that they'd met when he was in a position of authority i'd be on the phone to the police.

and fuck his career, he's not 'fit' to manage teenagers if he behaves like this with a child in his care.

At 18/19 yrs old - this is an adult. Age gap IS relevant when one is an adult and the other is a child.

You really must report this to the POLICE. Knowing what you know - You have a responsibility to, in order to protect your daughter and potentially others.

I am shocked that you are not taking this more seriously. Please do the right thing!

Flack - read the original OP - he was messaging her about taking her virginity and 'licking' her. Oh, Poor boy, he is just a bit immature. NOT immature, but IRRESPONSIBLE AND DANGEROUS!

I think you should report him OP.

If it was her boyfriend it would be an entirely different problem. He is not. He is an adult in a position of trust. I repeat, would people still be saying "oh poor lad- he's made a mistake" if he had sent the message to a 14 year old boy?

40 years ago, when I was young this might just have been a silly mistake by an immature young man.

But there is no way he can work in the job he does, in the century we are now in, without being aware that what he is doing is wrong. He knows.

And even if, by some odd anomaly, he is so clueless he doesn't know, then that shows he is not a person who should ever have charge of young people.

I'm another one who thinks this must be reported.

Let the appropriate people deal with this by following procedures set up to deal with exactly this.

I also agree with the sensible poster who says have a talk with your daughter and explain that she has been taken advantage of, and discuss with her why what has been done to her is wrong. She is not to blame.

He is in the second year at University on a course relating to working with young people

He "helps out" with youngsters at a local sports centre

There is no way that this young man has not been told that contact with young people has to be kept on a professional basis

In spite of this he is adding 13 year old girls to his facebook and texting (at least 1) 14 year old girl both suggesting sex and encouraging her to send him "photos" of herself

I am still at a complete loss as to why some posters think this is nothing worth reporting

on the contrary, cory 40 years ago I think this would have been viewed as far more seriuose. young women where encouraged not to engage in sexual activity untill a far more mature age than 14 and if persued then said young man would find himselff the recipient of a good kicking. My mum was 21 and was phorbided by her father from continuing with her job as a clippy on the busses due to some rumours about her having a sexual affair with an young man. she was not married you see and broght shame upon herself.

OP - please tell us you're going to report him properly?

Am shocked at poster who wrote: "age of consent is just a number". Actually, its the LAW. And you're an idiot.

Stat rape has two classifications: under 13 and 13-16. After that its called rape, but the word is still present in the offences regarding children because it is RAPE. Consensual sex or not, you cannot expect a child to make such an adult decision. It is why the law exists to protect them. It is also an offence to hold sexually explicit images of children on ones phone, so had she managed to send pictures he would have another law broken right there, even if they hadn't slept together.

OP you know you have to report this. You've done well so far, but you need to go that little bit further. Keep your daughters phone so that you have the evidence and reassure her that she has done nothing wrong. Even if, as you say, she has been 'leading him on', he is the adult here and as such should not be encouraging such behaviour.

(Apologies, DD climbing all over me so excuse poor writing)

It doesn't matter what the ops daughter has said or text to this man he should have not got involved. He knows how old she is. He knows that he should nit do what he has done because he has already got her saying about he could lose his job. he knows what he is doing abd has choosen to do it anyway

littlewhitewolf - I'm sorry but you're wrong in your interpretation of the Sexual Offences Act 2003. This is probably getting off topic, but the act makes it quite clear the 13-16yo can consent to sex, and if they do so, the charge is not rape - it could however be s.9 sexual activity with a child.

Statutory Rape is not a legal term in the UK and doesn't have any classifications.

In any case, what has this to do with the OP? There is no evidence at all that sex took place. The obvious offence would be s.15 sexual grooming.

But he still deserves to be removed from working with children malinos

mumbling hence why I recommended to OP that she report him to his employer and the police.

I never said you didn't Malinois

op, if your not heeding any of the very sensible advice here - think of it this way, he deserves to be reported on the rounds of stupidity alone.

I don't think he is a paedophile but he needs to learn that this is really inappropriate and until he learns that he should not be in a job which puts him in a postion of power where young girls are.

Id go to the police, his employers might just warn him verbally and not do much else. I don't think that's a clear enought message to him that what he is doing is really not on. It's not like the police will do much more than warn him but at least if they are involved it shows him what he has done is seriously not ok and he'll probably lose his job which is good thing.

OP You must report him. Imagine what might happen if you dont and he moves onto another maybe younger girl.......

Vicar - you are way way out of line in so many regards. Hysterical?

it doesn't matter if they are gf and bf or not. He is eniticing a child to perform sexual acts with him ( and he isn't a predator???), DESPITE having a position of trust, having Safeguarding inputs that will come with working where he does and at he Uni course.

Your position is a bit more concerning given that you are a serving police officer and could well be asked about this senario.

or scenario even.

Your poor dd too.
I think you are handling this well but the fact that she said it will ruin his career, who told her that, him? Well he obviously knows what he is doing is wrong.
Please point that out to your dd and good luck you must reprt to the safeguarding