Relatives going on about dd tattoos

[shatteredmelon]

Dd starting to get more tattoos and family members just make comments to me or if they don't just make back handed comments.
I'm not keen on them as some now on face forehead but I want to keep my mouth shut and support her whilst keeping strong when speaking to her grandparents etc who are very judgmental.
I wish she hadn't had them either but she will be covered and a adult so want to be strong for her without falling out with others who are judgemental about them.
It's so hard.

Can you just counter every negative they come up with with a positive?
-Oh she's got tattoos on her face as well now
-Yes she's just so creative and artistic
-Oh she's moved in with her partner very quickly
-Yes she's always been one to know her own mind and what she wants

Good ideas
Thankyou

It's so annoying isn't it

I’d cry my eyes out and then let mine know how much I hated it if they had tattoos on their face. I’m a very supportive parent but not with that. My son has tattoos and some piercings and I have no problem with that but face tattoos absolutely not. I admire your support OP and you obviously know your dd and why she would have them done. I’d be an emotional mess and, I admit, so so angry/upset.

It's too late she has already got the tattoos

No matter how much people say it’s individual choice unfortunately society is not in agreement by making a statement as a facial tattoo one is going to face negative consequences

I don't agree with you but good that you have taken time to contribute.

Big tattoo loving family unit here. Personally I draw the line at face tattoos and am lucky that so far my kids have honoured my wishes. My reasoning is that until they know what they really want to do in life they need to be able to explore all options, so as PP said, nothing below the wrist or above the neck at the moment.

My daughter had a lot of smaller tattoos that, whilst she doesn't regret (they meant something to her at the time) she would now like to work into bigger pieces. and I'm happy to invest in that with her.

I think the type (you wouldn't have to do a very outing description) of tattoo here would sway my mind a bit. For example, having "fuck off" tattooed across your top lip is very different to having a nicely designed cheekbone tattoo or one on the jaw in front of the ear. My lodger (pretty much another kid by now!) has a beautiful face tattoo, however she was a tattoo artist before she got it!

My family made comments about daughters' tattoos a couple of times, we just shrug it off really. I can't control what they think and they can't control what my children do.

Unfortunately nobody is obliged to be kind in the way that you want, people in life will be rude, whether they are right or wrong is besides the point.

@shatteredmelon FFS, I’m starting to wonder if this thread is made up of half of my family who hold similarly judgemental, dated and derogatory opinions about artwork on someone else’s body.
She’s not shooting up heroin at a family party is she; it’s literally a picture she has on her body, that she chose to have as a consenting adult.
Is it a swastika? No. Is she doing drugs? No. Is she hurting anyone else? No.
People in glass houses and all that….

FWIW OP, I wish I had a Mum like you who kept their mouth shut, understood I was an adult and chose to support me.

If I were you (and will be when/if my kids gets them) I’d have a script you stick to and repeat the same thing every time they make a comment, such as ‘X is an adult, she is my daughter and I support her, part of that is not discussing my opinion or anyone else's’. Repeat repeat repeat.

Everybody can do what they want however certain things like loads of tattoos esp face are going to be judged negatively by most

If they are thick then do it to them back. If their overweight comment how that will have held them back. What others must think of them. Send them articles about how weight correlates to pay. Bad fashion sense? That's a brave choice. None of us has the right to sneer at another. They've expressed their concerns and now are just using this to be nasty to you and your daughter.

I went to a family bbq this summer where everyone openly criticised a young unmarried family member for having a baby so young. They made sure to say it so she could hear it. I loudly asked what she was meant to do exactly? Throw her vagina into reverse and hoover the baby back up? Sneering relatives can fuck off.

Yes. I find it a bit stressful. My mum doesn't like them much but doesn't go on about it. My aunt however has to make personal comments about everything like that.

@shatteredmelon

It's hard as grandparents who I'm close with and aunt uncles

I think people who think they have an absolute right to bluntly or snidely tell you what they think of your daughter (or you or anyone else you care for) should also welcome being in the receiving end of an equally blunt response from you.

After all, you're just all telling it like it is, no?

Don't feel the need to hold back or to use the word "sorry" or in any way apologise for giving them a dose of their own medicine. Do not allow them to push against your barriers nor your daughter's - I wonder how she'd respond if they dared moan at her? 🌹

I've reconsidered my position. Do this! 😂

It is understandable that you are protective of your daughter OP. I'm similar to you in that I don't rate tattoos much but can understand why others like them. However, facial tattoos are a big deal, they are uncommon for a reason. On the one hand, I would say it does unfortunately make it hard to find employment, but on the other hand, these things are becoming more normalised now so things will likely change further in this way.

I have a 20 year old daughter too and I would be gutted like you . I would say for the last time I don’t like it as much as you now leave it be abrupt they will feel so awkward they Daren’s mention it

Unfortunately it's something you and her are always going to have to put up with, you (and dd) need to accept that face tattoos are controversial and that she should have been prepared for this before getting the tattoos.

It's hard as grandparents who I'm close with and aunt uncles
@shatteredmelon I'm going to be really honest here,you're going to have to tell them to fuck off

Seriously they have no right to sneer at anyone.
I'm sure there's something about them that you could point and laugh at.
But you don't because you have a bit of cop on.
They're not worried about upsetting your dd ,so you shouldn't worry about upsetting them.

My FIL liked to pass comments about my 20 year old ds tattoos. He's got about 6 on one arm. I shut him down the minute he starts with he's an adult, it's his body, no one else gets a say. After saying this a few mines, FIL has stopped mentioning them.

I would remind people it's what's inside that counts . We don't judge people on how they look , it's on behaviour. Then remind them how they have behaved towards dd and come down on them like a ton of bricks .

4 of my 5 kids have tattoos. I have tattoos. I got my first one at 35 after my now ex husband said I couldn't have one (very controlling). We split up I was working as well as having kids. I spent my money on whatever the hell I wanted. I have loads more now. They all mean something to me. None of them are offensive and I have never been turned down for a job because of them. I am a support worker and none of the people I support bat an eyelid.

Facial tattoos are vile and a real taboo. You can try and shut down your relatives comments but it won't change their opinion.
I always think people who have facial tattoos have mental health problems , just why would you do that to yourself .

Assuming you don't mean people who have them for cultural reasons as that would be a very vile opinion. Agree re general facial tatoos though