How do I tell the gp the mess I'm in

[pleasedontjudgemeidontneedit]

I'm hugely dependent on codeine, it is prescribed but I take way over what I'm meant to 500-600mg daily which means I run out early every time. This means I can't taper done properly because I run out then have to buy otc and then it starts again. My husband has forced me to call the gp and tell them, I'm just waiting for them to call. I'm terrified though. Terrified they're going to call ss on me. I'm a normal person, I'm not a druggie on the streets, I'm not a scumbag, I'm a young mother of 3 kids who are my whole life.
I have my own home, job, husband etc but I am addicted to codeine through being prescribed them years ago for back pain which was never investigated. I now know that back issue is a herniated disc and it causes sciatica. I can't stop taking them as I get horrible withdrawal symptoms and I can't function. Please help me I don't know what I'm meant to do

Sending courage and wishing you well. You have taken the first step, and will hopefully get the support you need to taper down and eventually come off them altogether. I would ask for counselling referral as well as addiction support. You may find there is a support group that you can join too, so you are not in this alone. Good luck for a brighter future!

Gosh you sound very positive! Keep going. It may not be easy every day so keep it a day or a moment at a time x

@justasking111 yes I've just seen thank you. Can I ask why both my legs are now effected ? Do you know ? I don't know if I should ask for another mri as maybe another disc is herniated too if both my legs are now getting it.
I went away a few months ago and probably a silly thing to do but I went on one of those rubber rings that get pulled by a speedboat (yes stupid I know but fun at the time!) and the next morning I couldn't move and the hotel had to get the doctor out for an injection !! Why would that even happen ?

Ah the big bounce will have juggled all your vertabrae. Fun at the time though.

I get it in either leg or both legs. The bugger moves around.

I went shopping this morning, in and out of the car twice. By the time I came home I was hurting. So lay on the bedroom floor and did the exercises to free up the nerves. Just been out to the chemist, had to wait ages. Again in pain. But I'm slowly improving.

What we both need is a holiday in the sun. A warm swimming pool to play around in and gentle strolls around the holiday area. 🏖️🏊🚶‍♀️

It really was hilarious - literally holding on for dear life !! Not so funny the next day though 🤣🤣

Glad to know the exercises help. Physio told me to rub a tennis ball back over my back 🤦‍♀️
Funnily enough I am away over Xmas, it is very much needed now! Hopefully you can get some sunshine on your back too ! Sciatica really is awful

Ah, this made me beam for you OP!

Well done. You should be so, so proud of yourself.
Keep going and good luck with the rest of your quitting journey x

So I'm not as cheerful today it seems. I'm okay don't get me wrong, but I suddenly get this feeling of sadness come from nowhere ? Then I'm okay again, very up and down.

Don't know if anyone is reading anymore but I need to let it all out, I am a mess today. I feel so sad, my brain is telling me I'm a failure and my family would be better off without my mental health issues. My brain just doesn't work properly it never has, I've always had ocd and anxiety but it got so much worse since having children.
I've never been depressed but atm I really feel depressed. I'm waiting for a doctor to call me regarding how I feel, I'm going to ask if I can up my antidepressants because I can't go on feeling like this.
Last night when I was falling asleep I kept seeing scary faces pop into my mind, and having horrible dreams when I was trying to fall asleep about people being killed, it was horrible and scary and I felt like I was losing the plot. And now today my head is all over the place wtf is wrong with me

I hope your GP is able to help you OP, are you having any therapy currently? That would probably be a really good idea if not, there are charities which offer free/reduced price sessions especially for those suffering with addiction if you can reach out to those? You will get through this! X

No not atm, all they ever offer is cbt which I've done like 4/5 times and it just doesn't work for me. I wish it was that easy to think differently, no one would have mental health issues then would they !
How much of this is the addiction and how much is it my own mental health issues ? I feel like I was just self medicating

Contact your local drug prescribing service.

I work at one and we do Opiate Substitution Therapy using buprenorphine for people taking large amounts of codeine.
You can usually self refer.
Good luck.

Done it all, they won't prescribe

So I spoke to the gp, he has made me feel 100 times worse. Asking if my kids are okay, if trees are talking to me, if I'm hearing voices etc.
I said I'm not losing the plot my kids are fine I just want to up my medication because my mood isn't right atm, if he read my notes he'd understand why I am like this atm!! He's made me feel like I'm a risk to my kids.

Honestly OP a lot of the time & for a lot of people the addiction & mental health issues become so blended it’s hard to see what is what. My BIL is an addict, he also suffers with him mental health. In the periods when he has previously tried to get clean he always says his mental health issues become much worse, which leads him straight back to his drug of choice because once he’s taking them again he no longer feels he really has mental health issues and often will then tell us he’s fine, doing well, much better etc. He’s not, he’s an addict using drugs, but when he’s on those drugs his mental health issues feel insignificant, when he tries to get clean his mental health issues suddenly feel insurmountable and he cannot cope with it- they become one and the same.

Anxiety and depression are both common symptoms of Codeine withdrawal, so it is likely that your withdrawal and stepping away from the drug for good is worsening your own mental health issues, but you HAVE to push past it. It won’t last forever and once you are through the other side it will be so worth it. It may be worth seeing if there is any charities near you that do offer counselling for those in your situation, I know we have some local ones part funded by NHS & Changing Lives and they offer therapy to those coming off drugs because it helps get you through the early days which can be brutal. You can do this OP honestly you can x

@Mrsttcno1 Yes that makes sense as when I'm dosed up on codeine I feel great. Now not so much, even though I'm still having that 420mg everyday it clearly isn't enough for me otherwise I wouldn't be like this.
I could speak to my keyworker about how I'm feeling but honestly, I don't find her very helpful, she doesn't listen to me, she talks over me, and twice now when I've text her it's taken her hours to get back to me and she hasn't even helped me. I thought they were supposed to be there for support ? It doesn't feel like she is doing anything really. I feel bad for my poor husband having to deal with me like this

I saw your post and checked in- I cannot believe that you are still having difficulties with them not prescribing buprenorphine.

A doctor asking if trees are talking to you??

Is he off his meds? What a bizarre thing to ask someone.

Buprenorphine even at 'ceiling' levels has ZERO psychoactive effect- there is not even a tickle of opiate warmth from it- I don't understand why they are being so unhelpful.

I'm so sorry. As another poster said I suspect this is codeine withdrawal. The scary faces, depression today. You have to clear your system of this damn drug. I don't think anti depressants stand a chance against the codeine monster that is haunting you at present.

So sorry to hear it's so hard. Are there any helplines you can call? I know there is Samaritans. Not sure if there is anything specific to addiction. You are doing so well. This has to be a worse before it gets better phase. Keep pushing through. It sounds too early to figure out where the mental health and addiction start and stop. Keep going getting clean and then face your MH issues. All the best. x

Morning all, I slept better last night with the sleeping tablets from the pharmacist. I feel okay atm, but I was okay when I initially got up yesterday morning and then it all went downhill so I'll see how I feel in a bit
Thanks for all your support

How are you doing OP? My sister kicked a solid codeine addiction (she's also an alcoholic, in recovery 10 years) and said it was the hardest thing she's ever done. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Good luck today. I think after three days you break the back of these things. I am sorry you're not getting the help you need.

Are there any helplines you can call?

There is Narcotics Anonymous (NA) which I’ve suggested to the op.
It has helped a lot of people.

You're doing so well OP. I know you still have bad days but look how far you've come! That's a huge achievement.

OP - are you ok?

Are you well?

Hi all.

So I was doing really well, down to 12 codeine tablets a day. I've gone and brought some nurofen plus. I am so fucking disappointed in myself. I am very aware I'm making excuses for why here, the last few days I've had crippling anxiety, panic attacks, tears the lot. I hate my husband leaving for work in the morning. I guess it was a way to cope, I don't know, that's how my brain is justifying it. Dh would be so cross if he knew. The state I was in before and how hard it was Initially cutting out all of the otc.
Such a fucking idiot. Well here I am today beating myself up and hating myself. I just needed somewhere to let it out.

@pleasedontjudgemeidontneedit hey, I've been following along and wishing you the best with this. Did you buy them and not use them? If so, chuck them away ASAP. If you've taken them, don't let this be a relapse into previous habit, just accept you've done it and move on, remember how you feel now and let that fuel your resolve next time. Wishing you all the best!