How do I tell the gp the mess I'm in

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I'm hugely dependent on codeine, it is prescribed but I take way over what I'm meant to 500-600mg daily which means I run out early every time. This means I can't taper done properly because I run out then have to buy otc and then it starts again. My husband has forced me to call the gp and tell them, I'm just waiting for them to call. I'm terrified though. Terrified they're going to call ss on me. I'm a normal person, I'm not a druggie on the streets, I'm not a scumbag, I'm a young mother of 3 kids who are my whole life.
I have my own home, job, husband etc but I am addicted to codeine through being prescribed them years ago for back pain which was never investigated. I now know that back issue is a herniated disc and it causes sciatica. I can't stop taking them as I get horrible withdrawal symptoms and I can't function. Please help me I don't know what I'm meant to do

Hi
I haven’t read all the comments, but I’m a recovery coordinator at a drug and alcohol service. If you haven’t already done so, contact your local service for support.
if you are buying any illicit opiate based substances you would be offered buprenorphine medication - this is an opiate substitute, but also a blocker. There is also a monthly injection called Buvidal that a lot of clients switch over to to exit treatment as there are no withdrawals from it.

Hi OP, you're doing well committing to the taper. And you're even supporting others in the process! Addicts supporting addicts to recover, beautiful.

How are you doing, OP?

Not great today to be honest . Due to go down to 14 pure codeine tablets but I'm still topping up with otc. I need to cut out 4 of the nurofen plus from my daily routine but worrying myself over it.
It's scary thinking I'm not going to be having that nice opiate feeling making me less stressed and more chilled out

This is why I wanted to go onto the subotex as it would've been over with no more codeine

So we've made a plan to cut out 4 nurofen plus and hold at the 15 tablets a day for this week. Then next week go down to 14 and stick with 8 nurofen a day and 8 cocodamol a day. Then the week after hold at 14 and try and cut out another 4 nurofen plus.

You can do this. Well done for working with the GP.

Thank you. I need all the support and encouragement I can get at the moment.
I'm worrying I've done kidney damage with all the nurofen.
I'm so over this addiction. It feels like it's never going to end, just on and on it goes, me chasing that high, but not wanting too and feeling shame for being that way.
I just want my old self back.

Please try an NA meeting op.
Tapering is very difficult - I’m sorry the local drugs service has been so unhelpful, is there any way you could find a doctor who could prescribe subotex?

No I already asked them, they don't prescribe it apparently and can't afford the private route. I just got to stick at this, just feeling sorry for myself today ! I'm sure I'll have more days like this more frequently now

I’ve just got to stick at this, just feeling sorry for myself today.

I’m sorry you’re having an awful time. Addiction is a cruel condition - as they say, cunning, baffling, powerful.
I have been shocked reading about how unhelpful the local drugs service is and how they seem to be so unaware of the widespread problem of prescription medicine addiction.
I appreciate when one is feeling depressed, dealing with stuff is the last thing one wants to do, but is there any way you could lodge a complaint with whoever is in charge of the service?

I did consider complaining to the doctors about not having any medication reviews in so long and being allowed to over order my medication with no questions asked etc but was told down thread I was being unrealistic basically and that it's all my own fault the mess I'm in.
And the drugs clinic have also said they won't give me subotex until I'm off prescribed medication, in so many words I'm the doctors mess to sort out.

My husband has been horrible to me tonight. He's told me I'm weak because I can't cut out all of the otc at once. That's over 200mg, I just can't stop that much at once, apparently that makes me weak. I feel really alone tonight. The pharmacist said they were going to hold me at 15 a day but when I got my tablets I've only got enough for 14 a day, so I feel unsupported by the doctors too.
All I've done is cry tonight. Feel like absolute shit and like a failure.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and your husband has been horrible to you. You're not a failure, you're trying and it's a very hard thing to do. It's a marathon and not a sprint - there are bound to be setbacks. Look how brave you were admitting that you have a problem. You can do this. Is there anyone else you can call for support? You can always call Samaritans to talk through how you're feeling.

I am sorry your husband has been horrible. It’s not weakness - lots of people take opiate painkillers and some become addicted and some don’t.
However, it is not easy for a non-addict to understand and your husband will be worried and frustrated.
Families Anonymous (FA) is Narcotics Anonymous’s sister organisation for family members of addicts. There are online meetings so maybe that would help your husband.

Your husband is a shithead. You're doing absolutely amazing. Even though it's not going as you planned. Ignore his useless voice, he thinks he knows what he's talking about but clearly he doesn't.

You stick at it girl. Have you any visuals displayed you can look at and mark off every day? A bit like an advent calendar? If its 4 more weeks, then replace it with an advent calendar.!

Having a visual might help you be able to see how far you are moving along. Just ticking it off every day. It every dose. Anything at all.

Tell your husband you don't need his judgement you need his support to get through this ❤️. I'm coming out of lurkdom on this but I've been rooting for you from the start.

YOU'VE GOT THIS.

I have this silly thing, if I need empowered I have an empowerment song which is eye off the tiger. Even the first few beats in my head gives me adrenaline. Come in, you've come too bloody far to let it so fall apart now.

Perhaps write a list of positives, goals. Things you are looking forward to.

YOU'VE GOT THIS.

Darned typos sorry. Shouldn't type with no glasses on.

I don't have anyone irl for support, nobody knows as I'm too ashamed to admit it, so only my husband knows and the doctors and my keyworker from the drug clinic knows.
My husband has been great up til this point, I don't know maybe he has a bad day and took it out on me but to call me weak has really upset me. He said he told me to knock the otc out first so I'm not doing well because I haven't done it the way he said too. wtf ?! So now he wants nothing to do with it, he doesn't want to know, it should be easy and I should just get on with it and not bother him about it.

Is he your doctor? Is he even a doctor? I bet he's not. He doesn't get to decide your medical regime.

So I've done well today, I've took it upon myself to cut another 8 otc out. So in total I'm only having 9 otc today instead of what would have been 16, and before that would have been 20.
It is quite a big drop but I've kind of just thought fuck this, I need to get down lower or I'm never going to get out of this hole. I've been okay so far, been busy looking after the kids as usual and normally I'd have that warm fuzzy opiate feeling all day but today I haven't felt an effect at all of what I've had. Worrying a little about tonight but we'll see how I go

Hats off to you op I think you're doing amazingly well. it's so so hard, just keep pushing through and keeping busy. Well done!

Well done OP. You've come a long way.

Well done OP!

Thank you, honestly it means alot hearing the support. It's so easy to just take the tablets but it's so hard not too... I struggle to remember what my day to day was like before ? Even though nothing much has changed (well apart from having two babies) so if anything I'm busier these days but somehow got so used to being in a codeine haze it was just normal. Due to go down to 13 a day Friday. I'm planning on taking no otc tomorrow. Wish me luck

BIG LUCK! sending strength and love. Keep on keeping on, don't waste this progress x