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Original poster

Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

557 replies

spidermama · 30/06/2005 11:34

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

OP posts:
Chandra · 30/06/2005 11:39

Just for the teasing part of it I would avoid it. Though I wouldn't mind at wearing them at home. Children can be very cruel sometimes and you don't want him to feel labeled, would you?.

I still hear the friends of DH talking between themselves of school years and I normally hear, do you remember X?, yes the one with the snotty nose, the one that couldn't climb stairs properly, etc.

Blu · 30/06/2005 11:39

When I left DS in his pre-school nursery this morning, they were all dressed up, with the boys choosing an qual mix of super-hero style cossies 9brought from home, I suspect) and glamourous sari-type utfits.

At our 'tea-group' yesterday, DS spent the whole afternoon looking exactly like a bangkok ladyboy - naked to the waist, long chiffon skirt with beads, tassles and those little metal twinkly thinkgs dangling off it. And a butterfly mask worn as a hat. Neither the other boy - being a cowboy - or the girls - selected fairies and mermaids - commented at all.

DS is nearly 4.

I think strangers on the street might comment, thouhg.

QueenOfQuotes · 30/06/2005 11:39

ermm no I wouldn't let him - unless it was a 'dress up day' - think he might get teased quite a lot from the other kids.

Original poster
spidermama · 30/06/2005 11:51

Aside from what others think, does anyone have a personal objection to boys wearing dresses?

OP posts:
Original poster
spidermama · 30/06/2005 11:52

I've told him he might get teased for wearing a dress and he says he doesn't care. Who am I to argue? He's so happy in a dress.

OP posts:
AnnieQ · 30/06/2005 11:53

I don't have a personal objection to boys wearing dresses, but I think you'll open him up to all kinds of bullying if you let him do it outside the home.

AnnieQ · 30/06/2005 11:54

Do you really want to label him as different and leave him open to bullying at this early stage?

vickiyumyum · 30/06/2005 11:56

to be honest when i first read this i thought it was a joke. sorry don't mean to cause any offence. but i would say no, even if you let him at home, i'm sure that most of the children at pre scholl wouldn't even notice but just that one comment from one of his friends could really upset him. i think perhaps i would let him wear a sparkly badge or something instead.
but bless him though, i somtimes feel like dressing my ds (3.5) in a dress as hes got such pretty girly lashes and long curly hair i thin he could get away with it!

vickiyumyum · 30/06/2005 11:56

no no personal objections, just concerned re teasing/bullying and i would ask my self would i let him wear a dress to school when he is 14?

LittleStarsweeper · 30/06/2005 11:58

Nah dont think so. At home, no problem. My DS likes dolls and insists on taking one out with us. I would prefer to coax the teddy into his arms but oh no! I made sure it is a boy dolly in boys clothes, dont get so many stares then

AnnieQ · 30/06/2005 11:58

And you say "Who am I to argue? He's so happy in a dress" ..... my dd is happy running around just in a pair of knickers, but that doesn't mean I would allow her to go to pre-school without her clothes on. You have to set limits on what is appropriate, regardless of how much children want something. And I don't really think sending him to pre-school in a dress is appropriate.

tarantula · 30/06/2005 12:00

On a personal level I can see nothing wrong with it at all and think that its about time men were 'liberated' as it were in their dress modes. Women wearing trousers has now become accecptable and I think that men wearing skirts should be fine too.

Id be very worried about the teasing tho too so Im not sure what Id do in your situation. Dss on many an occasion has wanted to take out toys with him that were quite girly (he was into polly pocket when younger) but soon learnt that he would get teased for this so tended to keep them at home after a while.

Chandra · 30/06/2005 12:02

I think at that age, if he says he doesn't care he may well not be aware of the teasing/bullying implications that may follow. There was a French movie about this some time ago, I believe it was called Ma Vie en Rose or something like that, it shows a good picture of things that may happen when a boy insists in wearing dresses (cute but very very sad)

colditz · 30/06/2005 12:02

I don't think clothes that are appropriate for girls are inappropriate for boys, and I think a lot of a male's inability to express himself comes from the idea that he is not allowed to do girly things.

Original poster
spidermama · 30/06/2005 12:10

I'm with you colditz. Tell me everyone, is my 3.5 year old boy WRONG to want to wear dresses.
Also, I think teasing is passed down from the predjudice of parents. I fear he will be teased but I'm not willing to compromise his personal freedom due to predjudice of others. Isn't that just passing down our predjudices to our kids. Lucky for him he lives in Brighton where things are a bit more relaxed.

OP posts:
colditz · 30/06/2005 12:13

my boy has a baby girl dolly, and he takes it out quite often.

my opinion is this - if he gets teased, and he cares, he won't do it again no matter what I say!

AnnieQ · 30/06/2005 12:15

Yes, teasing does come from prejudice, but that doesn't stop it being really hurtful and potentially damaging to a small child. I agree that it's time men were "liberated", but grown men at least have an idea of what is likely to happen if they walk around the streets in a frock. 3 year olds don't, and can also be hugely upset by negative reaction from other people. That's why I think it's inappropriate.

Original poster
spidermama · 30/06/2005 12:19

But Annie I've done all in my power to make him aware he'll be teased. He's fully aware of the issues. I am worried but actaully this will be the fourth time he's worn a dress to school and he was teased a bit but doesn't care. I have a constant dialogue with him about it. He absolutely passionately loves dresses and is obsessed with wearing them. Even if he wants to wear them as a grown man I don't care. Better to be yourself in this life than live a lie for fear of being teased. Must dash. He;s wearing a skirt, with shorts under it in case he wants to change.

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 30/06/2005 12:23

Did you ever hear the interview with that famous Holloywood actor (old school, loads of cowboy movies, very macho, from NY, can't remember his name). His mum made him wear a dress to school, and they had literally no money for more clothes for him. He reckoned it scarred him for life. I'm not saying your situation is the same, but I reckon the same bullying/teasing etc would occur - and your son may thank you in later life for protecting him from all that.
Of course, if you lived up here, you could send him to pre-school in a kilt, and everyone would coo over him - not fair, really.

AnnieQ · 30/06/2005 12:23

Sorry, but at the age of 3 I think that he is not fully aware of the issues. If he wants to wear them as a grown man who really is aware of the issues that would be another question.

I agree; better be yourself in this life. But first you have to work out who or what you are, and at three he doesn't know that yet, and there's no way that he can be prepared for the negative opinions that he's likely to encounter.

crunchie · 30/06/2005 12:24

Go with the dress thing with trs/shorts under he can decide then. There was a boy who always came to school dressed at Snow White in his sisters play dress, so what. They will either grow out of it, or not dependant on genes (or whatever) Look at Kemal, he's fab

colditz · 30/06/2005 12:25

But it's really not the same for a 3 year old and a full grown man! Why is it ok for a girl to wear dungerees, but not ok for a boy to wear a dress? It's not fair!

colditz · 30/06/2005 12:27

If I had been told as a child I was not allowed to wear trousers I would have been devastated!

Tortington · 30/06/2005 12:30

if you have done all in your power to make him realise he will be teased and he still wants to do it. then as a parent i wold just say "no" i think sometimes parents forget they can.

you have a duty to protect your child. you bet you life some little squirt will remember it when he is 6years old. and his social stance may well have taken a completely different road by then. its amazing how children conform to peer pressure even at 5 years old

Blu · 30/06/2005 12:40

Splutter - do 3 year-olds really encounter all this bullying and negtivity because of dressing up?
I have seen ma Vie En Rose 3 times, I love the film so much - but that boy is 7. The Spiderboy in question here is 3.

If he gets teased, he won't do it again. Amongst 3 year olds, the worst that will happen is 'dresses are for girls' - and i can't see that that is worse than a heavy handed approach form a parent giving all these dire warnings about bullying or being made to feel he is doing something 'wrong'.

I'm a bit surprised by all this, given that he is 3 - and that everyone seems to accept it as natural and in the order of things that a 3 year-old will be 'bullied' by other 3 year-olds about a dress. Who is perpetrating this - because rom where I'm standing, there's a lot of projection going on here.

C'mon, honestly, if you saw a freinds 3 year-old wearing a dress, would you, yourself, care, or would you go into a concerned fit in case 'someone else' reacts badly?