Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

[spidermama]

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

I don't think perverts, repressed or otherwise, has anything to do with this.

It's to do with adult reactions to a child's unknowing, unthinking simple wish to wear an item of clothing.

I am fascinated that many times on MN, in a thread which is about some 'up for discussion' question of taste or prejudice - for example the thread the other day about the joke in a school mag which played on the supposed chinese pronounciation of 'r/l' - people are always quick to say 'oh a bit of teasing never did me any harm' 'they have to learn to live with it, it's pc gone mad ffs' and yet here we have people very sure that a little boy should not wear a dress in case he gets teased. THAT's why I think something deeper is going on.

Wow Annie. Am I glad I live in Brighton.

and I am afraid I would think it was very odd if one of the little boys at dd2s preschool wore a dress and I'd feel a bit cross with the mum

sorry! but you did ask.

Exactly - you did ask. And if you didn't want, or don't like, other people giving their opinion, then asking for it was a silly thing to do!

So how would you go about telling him he can't wear a dress when he keeps saying but 'why'. I say, 'you may be teased' he says 'I don't care'. Good on him, surely!

actually its not the teasing issue that bothers me.

Just an old reactionary I guess

But AnnieQ, presumably you didn't have the option to stop wearing the shoes? Spiderboy has all his options open.

Honestly, I have not yet come across a situation where 3 year olds 'bully' each other - or indeed hold opinions of each other for more than about 20 mins!

No Annie I'm perfectly happy with healthy debate. Fire away.

Ok.

well, I would probably say 'because boys dont wear dresses'

I know it sounds awful and non-liberal and I dont have a ds so can't really comment but I think thats what I would do.

I think Enid is being honest about this - and all power to her!

Your 3 year old probably doesn't understand that boys don't wear dresses, you have to teach him!!

And he probably doesn't know what its like to be teased so even though you have explained to him he is not old enough to make an informed decision.

My dd is running round naked at the moment, shall I take her down the shops like that just cause shes happier?

and even if I didnt really mind (and I dont think I would at home) dh would absolutely veto it!

The what would you say enid to 'but why'. or 'I do and I'm a boy'.

No, I didn't have the option to stop wearing the shoes, but the damage was done the first time I wore them. I didn't wear them for the next 5 years, but the bullying contined, and that's where it started.

Well Im soooo glad Ive got a little girl and that women have down the years fought hard to give her the freedom to choose between wearing dresses/skirts or trousers/shorts etc. and I think its really sad that little boys are not given the same freedom in dress. We have had the same arguements re boys playing with dolls etc and most people agree that boys should not be discouraged from this. In the same way I think boys need more freedom with their dress too.

I cant see that there is any difference to my dd prefering Power Rangers and trousers (skirts get inthe way of climbing) and spidergirls ds prefering skirts and princesses and I find it really sad that people view my dds preferences as being ok and spidergirls ds's as not ok.

well it wouldn't bother me tbh
tho I would be concerned about other people's reactions for ds. Dp's ex dressed our dss in girl's stuff (not cos he wanted it, cos SHE wanted a girl ) and pple remember this as comment worthy 15 years on

yes, just being honest.

I actually quite admire you for being so 'right on' about it but I know I would never do it myself.

Elsmommy as child number 3 of 4 he knows very well what its like to be teased. I don't believe in the line that boys don't wear dresses. It seems so last century!

why don't boys wear dresses?

btw, little boys USED to wear dresses...

But Enid, little boys do LIKE wearing dresses. And I'm sick of the constant macho-death-machine-dressing up that DS is ALSO into.
As the owner of a boy-child it can be \ huge RELIEF to see them step outside the horrendous peer-pressured alternatives.

Actually i think little boys like to 'dress up like Mummy' sometimes - and that seems v natural, to me.

spider - I would say (and obv all very hypothetical) 'well thats fine at home if you really want to but at nursery you need to wear trousers/shorts'

and then probably trot out my stock phrase 'because thats just life I am afraid' (irritating isnt it )

Sorry but this thread is bananas. Loads of children go to pre-school in all kinds of outfits, from fairy dresses to spiderman costumes. Spidermamas ds certainly wont be typecast as odd - he is 3. You may as well say that boys shouldn't play with dolls at nursery in case they get teased or the staff find them strange.

I am sure it's just a phase - the more you make a big deal of it the more (probably) he'll want to do it. My son loved dressing up in girls stuff at the same age - he grew out of it. He won't belive me now when I tell him his favourite colour used to be pink (he's now 5)

Absolutely blu. And it was only a coup[le of hundred years ago when grown men would never be seen dead outside without their wigs and full slap on. (fops etc)

Fine well let him go out in a dress and get teased!!!

You asked and I say no

Its just not right.

none of the people who say "boys don't wear dresses" have been able to tell us why yet...

why don't they? (aside from the fact you feel they may be teased)