Boys in dresses. Yes or no?

[spidermama]

My DS (3.5) loves dresses and butterfly tops and glittery sparkley fairy type stuff. I have no objection. I even bought him a couple of dresses of his own to stop him raiding long-sufferine DD's wardrobe. My only slight worry is teasing from other kids. He wants to wear a dress to pre-school today. What do you think?

Annie Q - what ARE the issues for a 3 year-old? I agree there might well be issues for a full grown man, but I don't see that there ARE any issues for a 3 year-old. He just likes it - it's dressing up.
atm, DS is obsessed with dressing up as a murderous, evil, inter-galactic dicatator - how is that better?

no

I used to help out at the local nursey on thursdays when ds was there. On dress up days this one little boy always battled with the girls to get the fairy costumes and dresses. He just liked to dress up in these clothes plain and simple. The first time I was there and the little boy came over to me to help him in the costume I had to ask a staff member if it was ok for him to wear it as I had never seen a little boy wearing clothes of this type. She looked at me and said of course he is alllowed to wear it, the children in our nursery are all equal and dress in whatever costume they wish to dress in. She certainly put me in my place and I felt silly I asked. But it is true they are all equal and should be allowed to dress up as and when they wish!

Maybe next school Mufti day I can suggest all the boys go in dresses and the girls go in football kit.

If I say 'no dresses' it sends him message that his wish to wear dresses is somehow wrong and shameful. I really don't believe it is so I will not give in to predjudice. I think confusion over sexuality in later life is much more likely to come from people who were banned from self expression at an early age.

Spidermama, I believe that if you really think he should wear the dress, allow him to wear it. But the truth is that children care (specially if there are older ones in his school) and children can be very cruel without noticing.

My parents were not very alternative but had the sane belief that your clothes don't define who you are, unfortunately the children in the school didn't share the same beliefs and we were up for lots of bullying, which my parents dismissed saying that we shouldn't care about them, but still it was embarrassing and I still have sad memories about those years. In our case, we went to a very expensive school were everybody followed the last expensive trend but us... i t w a s h e l l . I remeber asking my mother if she could send me to a state school as a Christmas gift when I was about 8 yrs old... even when I loved the school system, but free time at the garden was simply horrible.

Totally agree with Blu about projection. Also, I'm very happy ds prefers princesses to Power Rangers. Am also very proud that he doesn't care about the teasing and prejudice and is happy and confident to be himself. That's my boy.

Yes chandra. My parents made me wear some embarrassing clothes. The difference here is that my DS is choosing his own clothes.

No to dresses.

Kemal is not fab, he's an arse.

no I wouldnt I'm afraid

I'd make the decision for him at 3.5 and say no.

If he wanted to do it when he was older then that would have to be his decision.

At least Kemal is Kemal and not some repressed pervert with a guilty secret.

Eh?

my dds often want to wear clothes I consider inappropriate (pyjamas to my party last night for instance) and I say no. I dont think its stifling them.

Sorry - this is mad. It's a pre-school. He's 3. Spidermama isn't going to force him to wear horrible unfashionable clothing throughout his childhood in the face of his misery - if he gets teased, he will have fallen in with the general seepage of peer pressure, and won't ask to wear it again.

This whole thread is making me feel as if I should deliberately send DS to nursery in his beloved red kilt - but I'm over-reacting, aren't I

Whatever you and your DS decide, Spidermama, I hope he feels free and happy. And IF there is a v bad reaction from other kids, I think the pre-school should deal with it, frankly - listen to Kidstrack's story!

Of course I would never put a child in the front line to deliberatley prove a point.

What's YOUR problem with boys in dresses Enid. Or is your problem with other people's attitudes. If so, take it up with them, not the boys. If you see what I mean.

I dont think you'll turn your son into a repressed pervert if you say no to him spidermama. Is that what you think will happen?

But it's just as ridiculous to say not allowing him to wear dresses will make him 'a repressed pervert with a guilty secret' as vice versa, surely!

You asked what people think. I wouldn't do it.

This thread has gone beyond me now, I have no idea how we got to repressed perverts . Ta ta.

Well he's at school now, with a black shiny skirt and his shorts underneath in case he changes his mind. It's not the first time he's worn dresses to school and I'm sure it won't be the last. Lighten up everyone. He's 3. What's the problem exactly? If people tease, are they right to? If not, what is the problem?

What if he doesnt genuinely have transvestite tendencies but just wants his own way ?

Boys in dresses

Its just not right, sorry!!

Especially not in public!!!

Why not elsmommy? Is my 3 year old Wrong to want to wear a dress?

OK, the issues for a three year old.

Bullying starts early, and patterns set early are likely to be repeated. I can remember going to pre-school wearing some shoes that were obviously hand-me-downs and obviously boy's shoes, and I was teased hideously for that at the age of 4 - that teasing turned into bullying, and once a bully has a target you are a target for a long time.

He is not old enough to know his own mind yet, and if he is typecast as odd, either by his peers or his teachers, that typecasting can last throughout his entire school life.

Like it or not, it is those who go against convention in this life that attract most negative comments. Which is fine if you are an adult and are aware of what the consequences of your behaviour are. A three year old can't be fully aware of the consequences, but may suffer from them.

Yes, he likes it and it's dressing up - but there's a time and a place for dressing up, and in my opinion dressing up is a separate thing to dressing for school or pre-school.

I have no problem with an adult, old enough to know the possible consequences, wearing whatever they like, whenever they like. My objection comes from the fact he is three years old, and can't possibly know what the consequences of this may be. Perhaps I'm an old fusspot or a worry wort, and perhaps none of his peers will bat an eyelind, but I think that's hightly unlikely. And his teachers will probably mark him down as odd - and I wouldn't want that following my child through his school career.

Just my opinion though.

I don't know any 3 year old transvestites Enid. Do you?