Why doesn’t she want me as a client?

[notamumyet2010]

This is such a first world problem, I’m almost embarrassed to speak about it but it’s really playing on my mind so I would love some opinions.
For years, I’ve been seeing a beautician for nail art. She was amazing, really talented and I thought we got on really well. I knew she also worked from home and after a couple of years I asked if she was looking for some home clients and she said no not at the moment due to time/space. Fair enough. I thought.
Anyway start of this year, she lost her job, it was very sudden as the place went under. She messaged me telling me what happened and I expressed empathy. After a week or so I saw on social media she was telling people to message her if they want to book in with her at home. Straight away I sent her a message and she responded saying she was just waiting for some materials to arrive and she would message me to let me know once she was up and running. I saw again on her socials she was seeing clients. I waited for a message and nothing. I was super confused as I really thought we got on well and I was a regular client. I left it for a while thinking she was probably getting things sorted, and it takes a while I’m sure. Well it’s been months now and I thought hell I’m going to send her one more message. So I texted asking how she is and is she taking more clients on. She said yes and she’s working hard including at a local spa. No mention of me booking in with her. I was like ok this is odd, decided to be brave and ask outright. “Can I book with you?, only I never heard from you” I get a strange message back saying she would be willing to do my nails but is fully booked till September!
I feel like for some reason she certainly doesn’t want me as a client, I have racked my brains for a reason and the only one I can think of is I ask for nail art every time which takes more time. However she did always say she loves it as she gets to be creative and all her other clients are boring. In fact she called me her favourite client.
Obviously sadly you guys will be no wiser as to why this has happened or what I’ve done, but my question is…..would you book in for September or just accept that for whatever reason this client/beautician relationship has ended?
It’s such a shame as she really is sooo talented but I just feel this has probably tainted the relationship now anyway.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!

My guess is when she was on salon time she loved to chat and choose designs and be creative, all for the cost of a normal nail job. But on her own time she could do two jobs in that time and earn double what you would pay her.

I don't like tipping culture and I gave up years ago. The only place I ever go where it might be expected is my hair salon. I'm happy to pay their (often changing and potentially exorbitant) prices as they do a good job, I only go about 4 times a year and they are very friendly.

Tipping feels demeaning to me and I feel I might over or under do it, so it's a source of embarrassment. I did do it recently with a very young trainee because she was younger than my dds and I wanted to encourage her. But with older people, it feels wrong.

But buying a Christmas present instead has always seemed a cop out to me. How do you know what your nail technician might see as a lovely present? 8h her shoes, I'd definitely prefer the tips where I couid choose how to spend them.

I don't tip, its not generally a done thing in the UK? I just pay what they charge.

The beautician could have simply forgot to message you back? She's human after all, and we can all inadvertently miss things. You then left it several months before contacting her, and she's now booked up until September.... that's not unusual.

I'd book for September and see what happens. If you want nail art, then ask her at the time of booking, how much extra that will be. I'd imagine, that now she's working for herself, she'll be charging extra for it. By asking at the time of booking, you are letting her know, that you don't expect it for free.

If she cancels your appointment, towards September, then it's clear she's not interested in having you as a client. It's then pointless trying to figure out why, just accept it and find someone else.

Perhaps doing nail art isn't financially viable, if it requires a lot of time and using special supplies which will be mostly wasted if nobody else wants the same type of thing. She'd probably have to charge you a lot more than you used to pay when you just booked a salon appointment.

This has made me feel a bit awkward because I never tip for hair and beauty services - maybe I should?

I think it's pretty obvious that if your appointment was two hours long that she is prioritising clients with easier and quicker nails ie two shellacs etc . She was probably happy to spend the time when she was an employee of some one else but now that she's self employed she probably thinks you expect to pay similar rates to what you paid before and thinks that it's just not with the hassle. Honestly the lack of tips probably didn't help either with her thinking you'd Baulk at the higher rate. What did you pay her before ?
Id find someone else to be honest who wants your business

Face up to the fact that maybe she doesn’t enjoy you as a client. I have a friend single-handedly running her own hairdressing salon who says she couldn’t be arsed if some customers never came back. She doesn’t a professional job always but just doesn’t gel with some. There’s no slight it’s just how people are.

Why is it expected to tip beauticians and hairdressers? Surely they charge a sensible amount that covers all their overheads and gives them a decent living?

I do think giving presents in this context is a mistake - it's too personal and oversteps the client/service provider boundary, although it sounds as though boundaries are a bit blurred anyway. Possibly she's uncomfortable with doing your nails at home precisely because the boundaries are a bit blurred and she isn't comfortable with that combined with seeing you in her home.

Presents create a much more complex dynamic than tips, further complicated if she's got rid of your presents because they weren't to her taste and you might be expecting to see them in her house!

If you really want to book with her then do so for September but I do think you seem overly emotionally invested in the relationship and are viewing it more as a social relationship than it is at her end, when that isn't reciprocated in this case. That isn't likely to be anything personal.

If it were me I'd probably just find someone else to do my nails rather than continue to engage in something that had me second guessing myself. I'm sure there are plenty of service providers that would be more enthusiastic about it and grateful for the business.

I would think nothing of this! Anyone working in beauty probably has dozens if not hundreds of clients, they’re not going to message each one individually to say that they’re back!

Why on earth would the onus be on her to contact you? You’re the one who wants to book her!

Saying “oh yes I’ll let you know when I’m taking clients” is something she will have said to loads of people, I wouldn’t take it personally that she forgot to message you. Just book her for September!

It's not a " relationship" or even a " working relationship". You're her client and you pay for a service. That's it. Just find someone else and give them your business, it's her loss.

The thing is you’re not her only client. So it may of slipped her mind to message you because she was so busy getting stuff up and running, other clients were probably also texting to book in once she was in a position to take people on. You waited months before contacting her again so that explains why she is fully booked till September, that’s only a couple of month away so that is completely understandable.

I used to have regular nail art at a beauty salon (which takes time) and once I asked for a home appointment as she lives near me and I got a no. I don’t smell, am not flakey, tipped generously, nothing wrong on my part. So I stopped using her. I cba to chase for reasons or beg her and there are other nail techs around, though she was excellent.

I use to go to nail girl who used her maternity to get rid of the clients she didn’t like. Backfired on her massively though as she’s gone from a waitlist to not being full.

I was one of the clients she got rid of, turns out I didn’t have enough gossip for her/ won’t tell her things I knew.

This could be it then, that your appointments take two hours. Any decent nail tech worth their salt should have you in and out within an hour, so you’re effectively taking up a double appointment with the nail art.

I agree with @CaesarAugusta

She has dropped you because of the lack of tips. I don’t actually blame her. It’s disrespectful not to tip although a lot on MN don’t agree. Giving presents is a bit odd- however well you get on, she’s not actually a friend. Much better to give cash.

The UK (and world) is quite polarised right now, have you ever shared any political or ideological views that might have put her off?

Probably a mixture of no tips and she doesn’t really like you or you chat too much and use up over your allocated time.

A 2 hour appointment, you agree you took a while to choose what you wanted and you didn't tip. Those are the issues. She could have seen 3 clients and had 3 tips in that time. Nice gifts are subjective. You haven't thought about her preference.

She put in some boundaries, and good for her.

Its the nail art. It takes too long & doesn't pay as well as having 2 regular gel nail clients in but takes the same amount as time.

You are are not a profitable client.

My beauty therapist went from a salon to home based & definitely used it as a way of getting rid of clients she didnt want anymore (those that were 'hard work', unprofitable or she just didn't gel with them). Shes much happier now she has fewer clients but gets on with them all.

I believe that tipping is basically treating the worker like a charity case. Beauty and hair professionals set their own prices so a tip is not required. Tipping is insulting their dignity.