Why doesn’t she want me as a client?

[notamumyet2010]

This is such a first world problem, I’m almost embarrassed to speak about it but it’s really playing on my mind so I would love some opinions.
For years, I’ve been seeing a beautician for nail art. She was amazing, really talented and I thought we got on really well. I knew she also worked from home and after a couple of years I asked if she was looking for some home clients and she said no not at the moment due to time/space. Fair enough. I thought.
Anyway start of this year, she lost her job, it was very sudden as the place went under. She messaged me telling me what happened and I expressed empathy. After a week or so I saw on social media she was telling people to message her if they want to book in with her at home. Straight away I sent her a message and she responded saying she was just waiting for some materials to arrive and she would message me to let me know once she was up and running. I saw again on her socials she was seeing clients. I waited for a message and nothing. I was super confused as I really thought we got on well and I was a regular client. I left it for a while thinking she was probably getting things sorted, and it takes a while I’m sure. Well it’s been months now and I thought hell I’m going to send her one more message. So I texted asking how she is and is she taking more clients on. She said yes and she’s working hard including at a local spa. No mention of me booking in with her. I was like ok this is odd, decided to be brave and ask outright. “Can I book with you?, only I never heard from you” I get a strange message back saying she would be willing to do my nails but is fully booked till September!
I feel like for some reason she certainly doesn’t want me as a client, I have racked my brains for a reason and the only one I can think of is I ask for nail art every time which takes more time. However she did always say she loves it as she gets to be creative and all her other clients are boring. In fact she called me her favourite client.
Obviously sadly you guys will be no wiser as to why this has happened or what I’ve done, but my question is…..would you book in for September or just accept that for whatever reason this client/beautician relationship has ended?
It’s such a shame as she really is sooo talented but I just feel this has probably tainted the relationship now anyway.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!

Wow didn’t expect so many responses. To answer a few of the common ones-
I paid what she charged, prices were set by the salon, and she choose not to charge for the nail art. She actually said to me more than once that her boss has said make sure you charge for the nail art and she would lie and say she did.
Yes I have referred to it as a relationship but I totally know it was a working one, I just didn’t know what else to call it when you see people for 2 hours regularly.
Thinking more about this it’s actually been more like 6 years.
Yes she could have just forgotten to message me, but that does seem odd.
I totally know the “you’re my favourite client” was a joke and I even said that to her. “I bet you say that to everyone”
I am too invested but I have struggled to find a good artist since the start of the year, Im
not lying when I say her work is good.
I do agree it may well be the time it takes but I feel as she knows how important my nails are to me, I would be happy to pay.
As mentioned, sadly I just feel this has made it too awkward now.
We spoke about tipping and she said she doesn’t agree with it, tho I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.
I would go with a design in mind but then she would start showing me things she wanted to do, and we would have a look and a chat about which ones we liked. If anything what took longer was when she stopped in the middle of a story.
Sadly I do get it must be something I’ve done. I just wish I knew, and that I would find someone as good.

Maybe she finds it a bit freaky that your nails are that important to you? 😃

Honestly, OP, this doesn’t seem mysterious to me. She was happy to spend two hours on your nail art without charging because presumably she was on a fixed wage then. Now she’s working for herself, and even if she doesn’t think you’re going to expect it for free, she’s presumably decided she’d prefer shorter, standard appointments, or she’s no longer offering nail art.

It’s a terrible idea, just find someone new, decide what you want before you go and don’t buy presents.

For goodness sake. Who the hell waits around for someone to contact them for an appointment! If you want an appointment- you phone, email, DM whatever- TO ASK FOR AN APPOINTMENT. Needless to say, the nail technician will be none the wiser at how upset and hurt you are OP. There’s no conspiracy against you.

Do people really act like this? Expect the world to evolve around them and centre them.
My 13 DD books her own hairdressing appointments, walks down and takes care of payment (obviously paid for by us). How on earth can a grown adult not be able to make a bloody nail appointment without spiralling?!

Have you heard of limerence?

I had a weird thing like this a few years ago, funnily enough with my nail lady.

She basically ghosted me having been a regular client for about a year! Turned out that she'd put two and two together and realised that my best friend, who I'd been telling her about, was "the other woman" with her DH 😓I obviously had no idea about this, but she'd worked out from things I'd said about her holidays and her new house etc that there was a connection.
It could very well be something like this if you live in a similar area?

So she was spending ages doing Nail Art for free and you didn't tip her ....yeah she probably hates you

Ooh now. £100 cash gift for birthday and again for Christmas plus alcohol plus chocolates actually sounds intense to me. Just a bit much.

A smaller tip each time still feels business like. But your combo gift feels a bit too friendly.

You sound like you feel things quite strongly, hence the upset about the call back. Maybe she prefers light and breezy.

I think you are taking this far too personally. She said she would message sounds like she just forgot and now she’s fully booked. Just book in for September

I honestly think it's this. The expectation was set that your nails cost x amount at the salon. She's now working for herself and can't afford to use her own time free in the way she was happy to use the salons. I image she just doesn't know how to approach the 'it's actually going to cost you an extra £50-70 for the nail art' conversation. (Assuming you have art on all the nails) That's a lot more to pay out every 3 weeks. I'd say it a financial thing, not a personal one.
Whether or not she should be able to tackle the conversation head on is another matter.

I think OP you seem way too invested in this person who at the end of the day is someone offering a professional service rather than a friendship. If you are/were her favourite client she'd be enthusiastically welcoming you in to her home /spa not telling you to wait until September. She's running out of excuses and I would kindly look for someone else.

Were you guys friends, or could the message have gone into her requests inbox?

You think I’m in love with her? Or she’s in love with me?
Both in relationships with men, and for me, it’s really about my nails lol. Yes I would say we were friendly but probably not friends.

Definitely agree with pps that it’s something to do with the cost of having the nail art now that she’s gone freelance.

I would message back and say something like “September is fine, thanks. Obviously I know the price will have increased for the nail art now that you’re self employed, so don’t worry about that. Looking forward to getting my fabulous nails from you again. Let me know if any earlier appointments become available.”
Hopefully she’ll be in touch with an appointment, but if not after that, probably time to let it go.

This is probably it I just wish it wasn’t about money or I had just messaged straight away asking how much she would be charging.
Either way, it’s too late now, just a shame as its not easy to find a decent person who has availability, especially as I work full time and am a carer for a parent.

Have one more go and book a September appointment OP.

I would.

I'm thinking with the COL hikes nails are the sort of thing people give up to save money.

That might be why she didn't contact you.

I’d leave it. Find someone else. If she wanted you you’d know.

It may be nothing to do with you personally, but more to do with having realised she has a problem getting over-friendly with some of her clients and wanting to start again with a clean slate.
I would have one last try by going in September, having asked by text what her new charges are and agreed to them in a business like way.

Assuming you are a "good" client and not always at least 15 minutes late, cancelling or changing appts at late notice, etc.

It is sadly probably a financial thing. Maybe she thinks you can't or won't pay for the uplift in art. Some of the art I do takes almost as long as the set itself, and I can guarantee that most people won't pay the same cost as a set on top of that just for art. The art products cost at least the same, and my time and other overheads are exactly the same.

If you still want to go, send her a quick message saying yes can I please book for September and how much will it be for the usual, etc.

There's no way I'd beg and plead to give someone my hard earned money only for them to be elusive and play weird mind games.

You've given her plenty of chances to fit you in, you've actively chased her (it's normally the other way round when hairdressers and beauty people ditch their employers and poach staff from them) and she's making it hard work.

I would ditch her straight away and find someone else. There are a million other people who do nails and you might even find you find a better one than her.

I absolutely hate the feeling of pestering someone to do something you are going to pay for (presumably you're not asking for a freebie because that would change everything).

as for why she's doing this, who knows, but the fact she's just stringing you along is another red flag in my book. I wouldn't want her doing my nails anymore

Very strange, I had something similar with a nail tech who was advertising for new clients all over Facebook in our local area so I messaged and asked if I could book in and got no response for a few days. She then messaged me saying she was fully booked and no spaces for a few months. I left it at that and went elsewhere, a few months later I was trying to get booked in for my wedding nails, just wanted a simple French tip type of design and thought I’d message this lady again as it was a few months in advance. She told me she didn’t take bookings for more than 2 months in advance. She obviously just didn’t want my custom!

It's because you don't tip.

Giving your beautician presents seems quite weird, almost like you're trying to force a personal friendship into a client-customer relationship. It honestly comes across like "I think we're besties and that's why I'm not tipping you, but you get a box of chocs from me on your bday". She was probably weirded out by the parasocial nature of the transaction so no wonder she wasn't interested in keeping you at the top of her list.

I think from her side you were a client who was pretty skint and always keen to have extra work done (nail art etc) but without tipping. Giving a gift twice a year is pretty meaningless to most service providers. Nobody calculates the monetary value of a gift which they may not even like and then adds that onto their turnover. Client gifts are just junk to be honest.

Don't book anything.
She probably didn't like your presents and resented having to be polite about them.
Tips would have been a much better idea.
also yes, she doesn't want the extra cost and time required for your nail art

If she was previously worked for a salon, then suddenly having to go full time self employment, it would have been a big change to her. Likely, it has taken her awhile to get her act together.

Many people find getting to grips with the business side of things hard (I was in a similar place, myself, and felt really overwhelmed).

Ignore that told you, that she would call you, ‘when sorted’, she probably said that to lots of people(and indeed meant it!), but since the seven months or so, she’s lost the list of contact details. OR, I know in her position, I would think that people may have already sorted out their nail needs, and I would feel a bit like I was cold calling.
It’s also down to the customer, who knows when their nails need doing, so as soon as you see her business advertising, that’s the time to call.

Often when a new business starts, it’s common for there to be a a flurry of bookings at the beginning (eg everyone’s curious about new and shiny things😃). So, I doubt she is lying about September being her next free dates, especially as your nails sounds like they take awhile to do.

I would check price, and and then book a September date, asap, because who knows, if you leave much longer - Christmas will end up being the next she offers😝
If she cancels the September date, then, I think you’ll have the answer.