Child's graduation but seeing (stbex)H so need something drop-dead gorgeous but elegant and wont make me look like mutton.

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

BACK STORY - ONLY READ IF YOU'RE INTERESTED - It's my daughter's graduation (MSc) in July. The last time I officially saw my (stbex)H was almost 2 years ago at her BSc graduation which fell exactly a month after him informing me that he no longer loved me and was leaving me after 33 years together (26 married) for a much younger Thai lady with smaller boobs, and a smaller bum! (Purely for a historical correctness I did see him month later for the same daughter's 21st where, unfortunately, I begged him to reconsider)😳😥. When I got home I swore I
a) would never do that again (and haven't)
b) wouldn't see him again - unreasonable cos of our kids but have insisted on it so far!

It's now DD2's second graduation. She has 3 tickets. I've said that unfortunately whilst I am definitely getting there I'm still not ready to go through that again. Equally, despite both of us trying really hard, she really felt the tension at her first graduation and doesn't want to have to go through that again either.

I've backed out and said to let her father have the day (he works in Iraq - though obviously not at the moment) so she doesn't get to see him that often and I am doing my best to accommodate etc and actually we've reached a point where we co-parent via text really well (So I do the bulk but he occasionally steps in - but having been the child of divorced parents I have reinforced, to our kids, that they must have time with their father and that both of us love them). But she wants us both. So instead I've suggested that she spend the day with him and I will sneak in and watch her graduate. She's agreed to this. BUT this IS NOT AN AIBU - I am getting there but am frustrated at how slow this all is - I was really. blindsided by it all. It doesn't help that we're still not divorced (he's fighting everything) and thus I'm still in limbo hell.

READ FROM HERE FOR HELPING ME FIND AN OUTFIT.
I need something that makes me believe I look like a million pounds. I will be 57 on the day and am 5ft 3 with a very short torso (so no outfits that are belted around the waist as they simply don't suit me). I have large breasts (30 GG) which can easily look awful (having breast fed 4 kids I HAVE to wear a bra as they now point almost straight down). This means I look good in Empire Line OR body form.

Being short means that many midi dresses are actually maxi on me, but I'm good at hemming. I bought this:

Which made me feel wonderful. But it appears a) she's mortified/horrified as someone my age shouldn't be wearing this (so obviously felt I looked like mutton) and b) she's wearing either yellow or green. She's actually gone and bought something almost identical.

With the currently sunshine (hopefully) I tan very easily and am going olive skinned.

My budget is a maximum of £150.00

I really can't find anything that will make me feel wonderful.

Ha ha… she’s 5’3” and in her 50s. She’s practically invisible. LET THEM LOOK

as indeed we all are when we hit middle age. 😂😂

I don't believe in the 'mutton dressed as lamb' theory, and I don't think I am in invisible in my 50s. Though at my DCs graduation, why would I want to be all that visible?

But that dress is not to my taste.

It's a horrible and misogynistic expression. And the OP using it about herself is internalised misogyny about herself (and if she thinks it about other women, just plain old misogyny)

It’s about it being her daughter’s day not hers. You don’t wear white to a wedding either.

If she looks like she’s trying too hard, she will see the other parents and lose her confidence.

I have no issue with a middle aged woman looking fabulous - but this isn’t really the occasion.

I get what you mean @ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers about looking fabulous, it’s a confidence thing too!

I had a quick look on River Island Petite and found two possible dresses and a jumpsuit. I’m not usually a jumpsuit fan, but liked this one

I’d book to get a blow dry and ensure fabulous yet understated makeup and nice shoes

Matching top and wide-legged trousers with a killer blazer or jacket.
Dresses are very tricky, unless made for you.

i also forgot to say nice and comfortable underwear!

Oh! And wear a slip under a dress to make it hang nicely with no underwear marks

How come everyone can see the dress posted by the OP? Am on the app and I can't see it

I am only 5 ft tall and when I want to look together and elegant ...especially for summer occasions I wear floaty, just above the ankle type dress, medium wedge heeled sandals/shoes to give a bit of height, slightly fitted short jacket
Usually get compliments, feel relaxed, elegant, comfortable all day. Try on both petite and general ranges op. It's true that petite ranges are generally cut better for short people but not always. I've just sent one back which doesn't sit comfortably. I have a couple that are not petite, meant to be calf length but sit just above the ankle on me which works well for me.
Whatever you decide op, go out on the day relaxed and smiling, enjoying your dds success. Don't let the awful ex see any turmoil you are feeling. I can see you now, sitting in that easy to wear, outfit, sipping a G and T, feeling elegant and totally unconcerned about you ex. For that part, fake it 'till you make it 😀 Have a great day celebrating your amazing daughter🥂😀🥂

I think OP Has deleted it? It was on the 'Third attempt' post.

From memory, it was like a bright Yellow bodycon dress. Looked stunning but not suitable for the occasion.

Google dresses for larger busts. There are companies that make clothes with more room in the bust area so the clothes fit better. I’ve got a top from pour moi before but there were several other sites I looked at first

OP - I don't think your yellow dress or a similar style is really appropriate for a graduation. I know you said you tan easily, but I'm not sure what your colouring is? What colours suit you really well? Im assuming you're quite a small dress size as well as being short? You haven't said your size - though if you often have to go up a size because of your boobs, separates might well be a good idea. That or a dress with quite a bit of give in it.

I don't think that you should aim for anything that veers towards evening-y or super-slinky or with legs/shoulders/cleavage too much exposed. Not that I don't think you can.

I just think that what you should focus on is getting something that is both 1) flattering to your figure & 2) is a great colour for you. Your bag & shoes & earrings can be contrasting/metallic/a bit blingy if you like - but keep it simple & classy with your dress/separates & you will feel confident that you look your best - while also giving off an air of not giving a shit about your ex!!

@BillieWiper Do you know what?! I completely agree. I have 3 girls and am trying not to pass on any sexist, mysogansitic (sp?) phrases to them! But it's difficult when it's been ingrained as part of your own upbringing. They don't know the phrase mutton but as a concept they certainly know it! They wont hold back from telling me something is too young for me!

@TangerineUnicorn I hope it does get better, I really do, this limbo stage is hell. However this thread has made me think. Of course elegant is the best!!! I managed it for her undergraduate one but I think I lost focus there.

@Oriunda Yes, my own wedding was a little like that with my own mother demanding to be queen bee. DD2 has a long term boyfriend (he's gorgeous) so a wedding isn't that many years away. I'd just like to get through the divorce and rebuild myself a little. She's still young and wants to go travelling so thankfully it's a little way off. Regardless I know I must always be there for my kids' events and let them shine whilst I step back and watch with a broad grin plastered across my face.

I want to get, mentally, to a point where I truly don't care. He was just someone I used to live with etc. I will get there but it does seem to be taking a while mentally.

Oh @Soontobe60 I so relate to that. For undergraduate graduation I nearly chose an incredible, but fully white (shoulders to toes) dress and I just knew I'd have spilt tea down within 5 mins of putting it on.

How about something like this OP, from ReissI know it's a bit above budget (their sale starts late June I think, but that's probably too late?) - but still below £200, & you'd get lots of wear out of it afterwards? And it comes in petite.

Would you have time to try the size up to fit your bust perfectly, & then get the waistline tweaked?

Mix the pink up with red & gold (some suggestions from H&M, Accessorise & Monsoon etc (so not expensive), & it - & you - will look modern & pretty & summery!

https://www.reiss.com/style/su955405/w12558

https://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.1258261002.html

https://www.monsoon.co.uk/poppy-fringe-kitten-heels-red-1001048402.html

https://www.accessorize.com/uk/beaded-flower-clutch-bag-1001030772.html

https://www.avalaya.com/p/30278/E09059/red-double-flower-drop-earrings-in-matt-finish-50mm-long

@EleanorMc67 smashing it with that entire look!

This one is in budget, though doesn't come in petite. But it does have stretch in it. Again, size up to get it to hold (but not squash & flatten!) & contain your boobs well, & get it tweaked if necessary? It's also quite high-waisted?

https://www.hobbs.com/product/chatsworth-dress/0124-5287-9083L00-GREEN.html

I think she's wearing it with navy shoes. I think navy, jade/emerald green & cream work really well together.

@Tonissister That is gorgeous but I genuinely don't think I'd have the courage to wear it. I've lost weight but need to tone an awful lot.

This thread is giving me throw back nightmares from ds's Master's graduation last year! Exdh behaved appallingly the whole time and when/if dd3 (hoping to go to university this year) graduates I shall be sitting nowhere near him.

Your underwear will make a massive difference to the look of any dress. Make sure you wear a well supported firm bra. Im a 34G and still wear pushup bras! Its not about cleavage, obviously, its about making sure the girls are higher up on your body and look perkier!! Xx

Upload a full length photo into Chat GPT and ask it to suggest the shape/colour for you. Tell it everything you told us and it can give you mock ups of what the dresses look like on you...

Thanks - I thought so too ... 😁!!!

(Didn't mean to post the green dress as a reply to you btw!)