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What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body

159 replies

PluckedFromThinAir · 18/04/2026 11:40

I’m turning 40 in June and am having a birthday lunch for 30 family and friends at a lovely old hotel in Wiltshire. It’s sort of fancy but not proper posh, and I’ve hired out a room that opens out onto a patio/garden area. It’s day time, including kids, so fairly relaxed.

I don’t know what to wear! Here are my issues:

  • I had a baby nine months ago and have not lost weight, and am still breastfeeding, so nothing in my wardrobe from life of old fits me, and I need outfit to be breastfeeding compatible.
  • I’m 5,4” and a size 12. My body has changed - I used to have a small waist/sizeable bum at size 10. Now my waist is much thicker, my boobs and tummy bigger and saggier. I have chunky upper arms. I don’t know how to dress myself.
  • On top of all this my hair is falling out and my skin isn’t nice, and I look frankly exhausted and bedraggled most of the time through lack of sleep and eating too much of the wrong stuff.

So as much as I want to celebrate with my loved ones, I’m also starting to dread an event where I can’t just blend into the background.

My style of old was sort of minimalist, good quality clothing with lots of knitwear and jeans. Nothing fussy. I like colour and texture. I’ve never had my colours done but I’m fair and suit cooler shades and tend towards muted - have never been able to make jewel brights work, for example. Most of my wardrobe is Toast, Cos, Sezane (for work mostly) or vintage bits of cashmere. I don’t know what my style is now, I live in leggings as my lovely pairs of Toast trousers and Everlane jeans don’t fit!

I’d love suggestions from wise people who might help me reinvigorate my style.

Open to dresses or tops and bottoms or jewellery/accessories. I’d wear flat shoes such as sandals. Or even cosmetics etc for skin and hair.

Budget up to £500 for everything….

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 20:26

EleanorMc67 · 20/04/2026 20:24

They are lovely, I have quite a few Toast dresses. Not sure if OP was into their dresses though, or just their separates? Some think their dresses are better for tall people, which I am, but the OP isn't, so I hadn't thought to look there.

I just wear Toast dresses long, they seem to work OK. My Bryn dresses are ankle length on me but mid calf on the models. But… as much as I love Toast I think I’d like a more polished feel for the party.

OP posts:
Sophie3003 · 20/04/2026 20:27

PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 19:56

Thank you, I can see the logic in this. I also quite fancy wearing separates, prompted by suggestions here, as it feels grown up (which, inexplicably, I am!).

If I wear a button front dress I’d be quite exposed when feeding. I could take a wrap/scarf for modesty. A dress is more my comfort zone and there’s several here I’d happily wear and no doubt feel well put together. But yes rouching and crumpling may be an issue.

my baby will be almost a year so it’s not like they feed constantly but it’s a long lunch then coffee/cake etc so I will probably once or twice.

My go to since my second (and having not returned to pre-baby proportions) is seraphine. Their dresses are lovely- lots on vinted but Next still sell new. They are designed to fit during pregnancy, during nursing and afterwards. I still wear a lot now and a lot of people would have no idea they are nursing. They also would give you the proper nursing coverage you want rather that just unbutton.

PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 20:37

Any thoughts on shoes to go with the (affordable) ERDEM dress? Preferably costing no more than £77.

Also I’ve never purchased from the outnet before, does anyone have experience of returns? I’m tempted to buy and try this one, and head to the shops to try trousers.

www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/erdem/dresses/knee-length-dresses/pintucked-floral-print-cotton-poplin-dress/46376663163104049

OP posts:
EleanorMc67 · 20/04/2026 20:46

PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 20:26

I just wear Toast dresses long, they seem to work OK. My Bryn dresses are ankle length on me but mid calf on the models. But… as much as I love Toast I think I’d like a more polished feel for the party.

I know what you mean. I love Toast, but wear it when I'm in my quirky bohemian art teacher mode ... at least that's what I imagine!

EleanorMc67 · 20/04/2026 20:55

PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 20:37

Any thoughts on shoes to go with the (affordable) ERDEM dress? Preferably costing no more than £77.

Also I’ve never purchased from the outnet before, does anyone have experience of returns? I’m tempted to buy and try this one, and head to the shops to try trousers.

www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/erdem/dresses/knee-length-dresses/pintucked-floral-print-cotton-poplin-dress/46376663163104049

I do hope it works for you! They're a very reliable site re returns etc.

Obviously, re shoes, NOT the cheesewires that the model has wrapped around her feet! But I think even a tiny bit of a heel would be good, as long as it's comfy? I personally find really flat shoes quite uncomfortable after a while.

Ok, I know these aren't £77 ... but is this kind of height & heel type ok?

https://www.anoncph.co.uk/products/hermine-50-stiletto-calf-suede-electric-blue

Hermine 50 stiletto Calf suede Electric blue

The Hermine sandals combine vintage charm with everyday comfort. Designed with cross-front straps and a supportive ankle buckle, they’re set on a 50 mm mid heel for a touch of lift and ease of wear. Made in Portugal.

https://www.anoncph.co.uk/products/hermine-50-stiletto-calf-suede-electric-blue

TheFarriersDaughter · 20/04/2026 23:28

Are you sure about the Outnet Erdem?

I like lots of Erdem pieces, and I’ve bought other brands from the Outnet, (though never had to return) but that dress seems rather ordinary to me. And … fussy.

Obviously if you love it, that’s all that matters. But, as someone who loves a bargain, I can’t see the attraction. It’s not cool, or sexy, (which you may not mind, at the moment,) or of the moment, or interestingly vintage. It’s not louche or relaxed, or a wonderful fabric or print. It won’t go with the sort of barely there flat footwear your occasion and the environment demand. It’s a tiny bit Next …

But it’s your party, so up to you! 😄

EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 00:39

TheFarriersDaughter · 20/04/2026 23:28

Are you sure about the Outnet Erdem?

I like lots of Erdem pieces, and I’ve bought other brands from the Outnet, (though never had to return) but that dress seems rather ordinary to me. And … fussy.

Obviously if you love it, that’s all that matters. But, as someone who loves a bargain, I can’t see the attraction. It’s not cool, or sexy, (which you may not mind, at the moment,) or of the moment, or interestingly vintage. It’s not louche or relaxed, or a wonderful fabric or print. It won’t go with the sort of barely there flat footwear your occasion and the environment demand. It’s a tiny bit Next …

But it’s your party, so up to you! 😄

Edited

Oh, I don't know about that ... with the right footwear, it could be all of those things ...

The OP has only thought about ordering it - so of course she's not sure, if she's not even had a chance to try it on? And she may not feel the need to be cool, or sexy, or of the moment, or louche ...?!!!

In any case, I think those are qualities that relate more to one's attitude than one's clothing ... though maybe Kate Moss achieved all those descriptors at her own 40th birthday party. However louche, I would argue, is a tricky quality to aim for - it can veer towards the slightly grubby or debauched too easily (see also Kate Moss after her own birthday party!!!).

Maybe the OP would just like to wear something she feels really lovely in, that suits her shape & colouring, & that she feels relaxed & a little bit fabulous in around all her family & friends - while also feeding her new baby.

It might be the Erdem dress she ends up wearing, it might not. But it seems a bit unkind to disparage & quite possibly put her off the dress she's ordered, simply because it doesn't fit with your idea of what she should wear to her own 40th birthday party?

And if it's a little bit Next (which it isn't!!) - so what???

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 03:36

@PluckedFromThinAir - I've just spotted this dress by Allsaints on Otrium (reduced). It's a silk & linen mix, so will be lovely fabric, it's button-through for feeding, & the pattern placement will be elongating. I think it's lovely - worth a try? You'd be a size M/US 8 I think? It says it's loose-ish in fit.

Looks great with flat sandals too? And at £115 you could spend more than £77 on your sandals ...!!!

https://www.otrium.co.uk/product/delphine-shirt-dress-lita-soft-blue

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
Yiayoula · 21/04/2026 05:51

EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 03:53

Or a slightly oriental-looking version of patterned shirt & trouser co-ords in viscose crepe?

https://raishma.co.uk/products/myra-trousers

Edited

Love the top !
Would prefer with plain navy trousers though.

PluckedFromThinAir · 21/04/2026 07:22

TheFarriersDaughter · 20/04/2026 23:28

Are you sure about the Outnet Erdem?

I like lots of Erdem pieces, and I’ve bought other brands from the Outnet, (though never had to return) but that dress seems rather ordinary to me. And … fussy.

Obviously if you love it, that’s all that matters. But, as someone who loves a bargain, I can’t see the attraction. It’s not cool, or sexy, (which you may not mind, at the moment,) or of the moment, or interestingly vintage. It’s not louche or relaxed, or a wonderful fabric or print. It won’t go with the sort of barely there flat footwear your occasion and the environment demand. It’s a tiny bit Next …

But it’s your party, so up to you! 😄

Edited

Hmm I’ll try it and see what it does for me in person. I hope the fabric and cut will elevate above high street quality (nothing against the high street) and that the shape will feel pleasantly swishy and relaxing. But let’s see.

Shoe options tbc but I wouldn’t rule out something low and subtle. I couldn’t wear proper high heels and be comfortable.

I’ve started a spreadsheet of different outfit options that I want to try on, either to order or find in a shop. With my new body, I can’t commit to anything over the internet! The fit and feel is very important to me - I need to feel at ease and like myself.

OP posts:
MeetMeOnTheCorner · 21/04/2026 08:34

@PluckedFromThinAir This is silk and from Poetry fashion. Just right I think!

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 12:18

Another coords set that has a rather nice button-through shirt top. Could be too long though. I like this collab with a wallpaper & fabric designer - have a look at the other pieces in inky/soft blues - you may like them for other occasions.

https://www.sezane.com/en-en/product/nine-shirt-sezane-x-antoinette-poisson/geometric-print

https://www.sezane.com/en-en/product/christian-trousers-sezane-x-antoinette-poisson/geometric-print

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
TheFarriersDaughter · 21/04/2026 13:59

@EleanorMc67 and I generally have very different ideas on clothes, but I really like the Sezane co-ords. (Though not the inescapable provenance.)

Not sure this thread has touched on Kindred yet? (I have scrolled back, but it’s long.) Might appeal to a Toast fan. Definitely luxe - but so relaxed and un-stuffy. Lots of the tops and some of the dresses are button fronted.

https://kindredofireland.com/

Kindred of Ireland

Breathing new life into Irish linen heritage. Birthed with a passion to breathe new life into our Irish heritage, we use locally sourced Irish linen to create timeless womenswear pieces, all made in Ireland with heritage and heart.

https://kindredofireland.com/

EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 17:08

PluckedFromThinAir · 21/04/2026 07:22

Hmm I’ll try it and see what it does for me in person. I hope the fabric and cut will elevate above high street quality (nothing against the high street) and that the shape will feel pleasantly swishy and relaxing. But let’s see.

Shoe options tbc but I wouldn’t rule out something low and subtle. I couldn’t wear proper high heels and be comfortable.

I’ve started a spreadsheet of different outfit options that I want to try on, either to order or find in a shop. With my new body, I can’t commit to anything over the internet! The fit and feel is very important to me - I need to feel at ease and like myself.

Gosh you're organised!!!

I'm afraid I'm not even very good at hanging my clothes up properly ... let alone collating things in a spreadsheet!! I do save lots of images though - digitally these days, but I still have folders full of things I used to cut from Vogue & other fashion mags ...

That's a very commendable approach though!

EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 17:18

@PluckedFromThinAir , I'd been thinking about what shoes/sandals would look good with the dress (if it suits & you love it, of course). And was having a think about mules, which are both comfy & contemporary. I'd spotted these ones (all Anonymous Copenhagen again as they're my default recommendation for comfort, choice & style) ... Over budget though, but ...

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
EleanorMc67 · 21/04/2026 17:21

... what about something like these from Zara?

https://www.zara.com/uk/en/suede-mid-heel-sandals-p13381710.html

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
Bohemond23 · 21/04/2026 20:02

PluckedFromThinAir · 20/04/2026 20:21

Thank you, yes I would wear this dress generally for summer, possibly for party. Have a couple of the Toast Bryn dresses that I love (but can’t breastfeed in).

I can’t tell from the pic or description whether the neckline is actually open… do you have this dress?

www.toa.st/products/produce-print-silk-cotton-dress-slate?&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=18437612048&dema_id=18437612048&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18437706656&gbraid=0AAAAADntuojcDo5gjpV_9BDEwTp1hxS20&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4p3-tZL9kwMVf5VQBh2otA3WEAQYASABEgKnUfD_BwE

I don’t have that dress but I have one of the same style just different fabric. It is sewn at the front but could easily be unpicked and a hook and eye added.

EleanorMc67 · 22/04/2026 04:15

Might this be another option, OP? It has a bit of an Alemais feel to it, I think ...? It's cotton too.

https://www.reiss.com/style/su943973/g54896

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
FuriousFire · 22/04/2026 08:00

OP I am five 2 and wear plain tops, statement skirts and heels or great flats to dress up. Just putting a few ideas here. Silk skirts, plain and patterned.

Separates are easier for bf. I am a difficult shape so find skirts easier than dresses.

Wear what you feel good in but def consider being a bit ‘braver’ for this event! Enjoy.

What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body
What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body