What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body

[PluckedFromThinAir]

I’m turning 40 in June and am having a birthday lunch for 30 family and friends at a lovely old hotel in Wiltshire. It’s sort of fancy but not proper posh, and I’ve hired out a room that opens out onto a patio/garden area. It’s day time, including kids, so fairly relaxed.

I don’t know what to wear! Here are my issues:

• I had a baby nine months ago and have not lost weight, and am still breastfeeding, so nothing in my wardrobe from life of old fits me, and I need outfit to be breastfeeding compatible.
• I’m 5,4” and a size 12. My body has changed - I used to have a small waist/sizeable bum at size 10. Now my waist is much thicker, my boobs and tummy bigger and saggier. I have chunky upper arms. I don’t know how to dress myself.
• On top of all this my hair is falling out and my skin isn’t nice, and I look frankly exhausted and bedraggled most of the time through lack of sleep and eating too much of the wrong stuff.

So as much as I want to celebrate with my loved ones, I’m also starting to dread an event where I can’t just blend into the background.

My style of old was sort of minimalist, good quality clothing with lots of knitwear and jeans. Nothing fussy. I like colour and texture. I’ve never had my colours done but I’m fair and suit cooler shades and tend towards muted - have never been able to make jewel brights work, for example. Most of my wardrobe is Toast, Cos, Sezane (for work mostly) or vintage bits of cashmere. I don’t know what my style is now, I live in leggings as my lovely pairs of Toast trousers and Everlane jeans don’t fit!

I’d love suggestions from wise people who might help me reinvigorate my style.

Open to dresses or tops and bottoms or jewellery/accessories. I’d wear flat shoes such as sandals. Or even cosmetics etc for skin and hair.

Budget up to £500 for everything….

Thank you xx

https://www.whitestuff.com/p/7902/isabella-jersey-jumpsuit/MID_RED

This lovely and you can unbutton to feed.

Gosh …

Obviously the OP can make her own mind up about what she wears - but if I had gone to the trouble of setting out just how much I need an outfit to help me feel grand as the hostess of a large and expensive lunch at a beautiful venue, to which all my family and friends will be arriving in their Sunday best - I’d be pretty disappointed if - having given a budget of £500 - posters on a Style & Beauty board ignored everything I’d said about how I used to dress and what I want my outfit to achieve.

I would feel I’d lost all my powers of communication. Or that I no longer deserve fabulous clothes …

https://uk.saintandsofia.com/collections/womens-dresses/products/olivia-zip-up-short-sleeve-dress-black-spring-floral

Hi lovely,

can ritually relate to this - not sure how you’d feel about wearing a dress but I actually found them much more comfortable when I was postpartum as I wasn’t worrying about my tummy and my huge boobs as much! I went to an event like you and bought a really expensive dress which was stupid becasue now I’ve lost weight it onvoeilt doesn’t fit! Anyway my point is maybe you could hire a dress from HURR - I really like the AJE ones as they have wider sleeves and will balance you out, work with some nice flat sandals. However they may be too out there for you or jut not your style!

I love this, and also the cropped blue shirt, which i would probably pair with wide leg trousers, poss linen. Try a few pairs of wide leg, i think you may surprise yourself, i’m 5ft and always felt the same as you, but i really loved the comfort of them tbh, so i opted for a “silky” pair and had them shortened, i received no end of compliments when i wore them out with friends, as i was usually a skinny jeans/trousers type. I style mine with cropped shirts like the one on your post, sometimes wear open with a cami underneath, (in fact love that but its out of my price range 🤣) or a fitted top so as not to have too much material going on, i also wear straight leg but in a flowy material so they fall nice and arn’t rigid, i wear mine with wedges for going out if i need heels ,but casually i wear mine with trainers , brightt ones like adidas gazelles etc. for your budget, have you also thought of a bit of a pamper session maybe a haircut/colour etc and maybe a makeover/facial, who could give you advice on skin care, make up etc. Hope you find something nice, that you feel fab in xx

I do quite like the style of this dress, thank you, but colours wouldn’t look great on me. I do think either silk or linen/cotton blend would be good - I’d ideally like the fabric to have a bit of a luxury feel. (And for this one occasion I’d tolerate the dreaded “dry clean only”)…

And linking to dresses which almost reach the 5'9" model's ankles, when I was 5'4. What are people thinking?

thank you everyone, there is lots of food for thought here!

Thank you @Christine1998 (yes I’ve just worked out how to tag people instead of quoting!). You and other wise folk have persuaded me to reconsider a wide leg as I do agree it would look good with a cropped silk shirt. Given I have some time I think I’ll try to get to a city with a good range of shops, maybe Bath, and try on… maybe navy?

@Overthemoun I don’t think my style has changed but I have changed in shape and requirement so I’m less confident with it. The thing that I’d love to wear but doesn’t fit me is a dress by Stein Goya (the Elizabeth dress, which was a thing a few years ago so I’m off trend but I don’t mind because I love it). Or I have some nice silk blend navy cigarette trousers from &otherstories that I could have styled with a new top. But all are too small and there’s nothing I hate more than feeling constricted in my clothes!

Id love a pair of flowy straight leg trousers but don’t see a lot of those about!

re dresses… I’m browsing on all the sites suggested here. im not sure why a dress isn’t appealing to me hugely but I haven’t ruled it out. If a dress maybe I’m looking for something a bit simple, clean lines etc and then I’d get an interesting necklace.

I think I do need to go try things on.

And to those of you suggesting I do hair/make up… I agree. I’m going to book a trim the week before and maybe have a facial! (I never do this!).

I would love it if the cropped shirt worked as I think that’s just the right level of interested but not “look at me”, which I would rather people didn’t currently haha

@TheFarriersDaughter i do appreciate those of you who have read and offered considered options based on the details in my OP. Thanks for the pointer to Alamais, which I’d not considered, but has lots of items I think are just beautiful.

I recently posted on here after suggestions for nice tea dresses for my honeymoon in may. Lots of people suggested nobodys child (id never come across that brand before). I bought the Saffy midi dress in navy polka dot. Its super flattering and button down - so handy for breastfeeding feeding?). I wore it to a recent afternoon tea and had loads of compliments. Here's a link to the petite range:
www.nobodyschild.com/collections/petite-dresses

pair of leggings and a tunic would be fine x

Does the £500 include shoes, underwear, and grooming - stuff to make you feel good? - or indeed a massage beforehand for example?

Bless you, I'm sure many of us identify with how hard it feels to look put-toferh postpartum.

There are several weekends between now and June. Are you getting a few hours to yourself every weekend to do something for you? That + eating well + staying hydrated + taking your vitamins will make a huge difference to how you look + feel.

Yes, it is rather addictive!

Another place I might consider would be Zimmermann. Here’s the Zimmermann sale on NaP - lots of non-throwaway, relaxed pretty clothes in lovely fabrics. May, or may not, suggest some ideas:

https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-gb/shop/sale?facet=adsf10003ntkcs%253A%2522ZIMMERMANN%2522

(If the page reverts to the full price site, or the general sale, just filter. If you have the time the whole NaP sale is worth browsing.

For the avoidance of doubt, pretty much every brand on this site can be found on pre-owned sites too.)

Petite, viscose, shirt dress, blue!
Any good? 😂
https://www.next.co.uk/style/sv047423/h04956?ranMID=53096&ranEAID=TnL5HPStwNw&ranSiteID=TnL5HPStwNw-JdG1AenrNDDZ6teVXz0qSA

Are you being serious? God forbid people be helpful. If you’re referring to my post I’m 5’3 and wear AJE, Zimmermann etc with no problem

@PluckedFromThinAir (i’ve copied you and lean’t how to tag 🤣) i think navy would look fab. Like you, i love that shirt, bit out of my price range, i may have to search vinted. ☺️. The straight leg flowy trousers i bought were from asos, they were plisse. Being only 5ft i have to have most things shortened and have found a lovely local lady to alter things, she has even altered wide leg trousers for me to taper them in slightly if i love them but feel as they they drown me. I really hope you find something you love and feel good in to help you enjoy your special day more xx

I would wear a zip up jumpsuit. Great for breastfeeding.

I have just bought this jumpsuit in petite and it is lovely on - I am a similar size to you, slightly shorter. I think that black linen doesn’t look as harsh as black in other fabrics and you could dress it up. I think it would work with heels or flats.
Also buttons are real buttons so could be breastfeeding friendly
www.boden.com/products/women-lola-linen-jumpsuit-black-d1711blk?_pos=1&_sid=e5c4100e4&_ss=r

A few options here, well tailored wide leg trousers and a smart buttoned top would work

I have a really lovely 2 piece outfit from Zara that I bought last year, wide leg trousers and a matching loose fit shirt in black. It wasn’t expensive but honestly it looks so classy on, and it’s super flattering. I wear it with my silver Birkenstocks. I was in Zara yesterday and they had this year’s version in champagne, brown or khaki. Might be worth a go, you could dress it up with a statement necklace?

What about something like this from JL? Looks amazing - with flats or wedges for a day party. Matching bag plus nails done; perhaps get your hair put up given it’s your birthday / party / brows tamed etc! Hope you have an amazing time!

They're lovely, & Alemais is a label with some beautiful pieces. I do think patterned shirt & trouser coordinates are quite a tricky thing to pull off though - purely from my own point of view. I still see pyjamas/"lounge wear" - however gorgeous the fabric is!

And yet, I love 1930s-style lingerie-influenced blouses & dresses & always have - though if I post links on MN, people will so often say "But it looks like a nightie"!!!

Even trickier for me would be almost no make-up - never!! No make-up make-up" I can do rather well though.

I do think you're absolutely right about skin preparation. Both face & body. A little bit of a daily skincare ritual sounds like it would help build up your self-confidence, OP? If you can spare 5-10 mins morning & evening?

It's a lovely shirt - but (especially buttoned up) I think it might make you look broader & shorter? It will bisect you horizontally & could make you look wider on top? Maybe unbuttoned with a long simple dress underneath - but then you wouldn't be able to breastfeed (unless it was a button-through dress, & two sets of buttons would look fussy & odd).

If it's the pattern that you love, what about the shirtdress version? I'm not sure if it would be too long on you (& the pattern prevents shortening really), but worth a try? And if it's the idea of a cropped shirt that you like, I still think a shirtdress is a better option for your shape!

You said flat shoes/sandals - would you consider low heels if they're comfy?

https://alemais.com/products/acacia-shirtdress

Lots more shirt-dresses on the Alemais website - but I'd been searching for another poster a few days ago & spotted this one. In your size & possibly your kind of colours? It's linen with a cotton lining. All details of measurements etc provided, & you could try your luck with an offer?

Brestfeeding-friendly & could be shortened unlike the ones with borders, if it's needed.

https://ebay.us/m/jhNUzE

Or this Alemais shirtdress?

https://ebay.us/m/bsfQH4