What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body

[PluckedFromThinAir]

I’m turning 40 in June and am having a birthday lunch for 30 family and friends at a lovely old hotel in Wiltshire. It’s sort of fancy but not proper posh, and I’ve hired out a room that opens out onto a patio/garden area. It’s day time, including kids, so fairly relaxed.

I don’t know what to wear! Here are my issues:

• I had a baby nine months ago and have not lost weight, and am still breastfeeding, so nothing in my wardrobe from life of old fits me, and I need outfit to be breastfeeding compatible.
• I’m 5,4” and a size 12. My body has changed - I used to have a small waist/sizeable bum at size 10. Now my waist is much thicker, my boobs and tummy bigger and saggier. I have chunky upper arms. I don’t know how to dress myself.
• On top of all this my hair is falling out and my skin isn’t nice, and I look frankly exhausted and bedraggled most of the time through lack of sleep and eating too much of the wrong stuff.

So as much as I want to celebrate with my loved ones, I’m also starting to dread an event where I can’t just blend into the background.

My style of old was sort of minimalist, good quality clothing with lots of knitwear and jeans. Nothing fussy. I like colour and texture. I’ve never had my colours done but I’m fair and suit cooler shades and tend towards muted - have never been able to make jewel brights work, for example. Most of my wardrobe is Toast, Cos, Sezane (for work mostly) or vintage bits of cashmere. I don’t know what my style is now, I live in leggings as my lovely pairs of Toast trousers and Everlane jeans don’t fit!

I’d love suggestions from wise people who might help me reinvigorate my style.

Open to dresses or tops and bottoms or jewellery/accessories. I’d wear flat shoes such as sandals. Or even cosmetics etc for skin and hair.

Budget up to £500 for everything….

Thank you xx

Nice pair of wideleg trousers, there are hundreds about, plain or patterned, try nice fabrics like linen or cotton. Loose plain tee that can be lifted for feeding. Loose linen or silk shirt on top that can add to feeding protection.
That would be my thinking. I'll look for some widelegs and link.

https://www.roman.co.uk/linen-blend-stretch-waist-culottes-18044129

https://www.roman.co.uk/floral-leaf-shirred-palazzo-stretch-trouser-18070434

https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/product/tuc147418372?rec=PDP[tuc147398287]:bottomSlider:P1:OHAT:alternatives:tuc147418372:mvmlX9GXDpfQmwpWd1WT

These shirts are a bargain and would look lovely with any of those trousers.
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su794848/h70523

Those shirts are lovely, thank you!

it’d be quite an understated look for a party, though that is my comfort zone so maybe I should stick with it.

im not hugely confident in wide legs because I’m quite short and I can look dumpy! I’ll have a good look at links. Thank you.

My perfect option for a beautiful Wiltshire garden room birthday lunch would be this:

https://alemais.com/collections/sale/products/cassie-silk-pant

Both parts are sold out on their site, though can probably be found elsewhere. But anyway, I’m not saying choose exactly those items - just that I (infinitely older!) would want that sort of thing. Plus flip flops / flat mules. Almost no make-up, just mascara and lip gloss (but weeks of well prepped skin; brows + facial). And the best, most relaxed version of your hair.

You sound really comfortable in your own skin and I’ll try to channel that myself.

I would love to wear that shirt - really lovely vibe for a party but relaxed. Material is gorgeous. I think I’m two short for a full on patterned co-ord! Ill have a look around on the site :)

thank you

I'm short and a bit dumpy too. I would never go the co-ords route but a lovely patterned silk shirt with plain bottoms, obviously doesn't have to be widelegs if you don't feel they suit you, could be a nice floaty skirt, could be just the thing. You want relaxed I think, comfortable but lovely fabrics and drape.
Obviously I'm envisaging lovely sunny weather too! 🌞

There are some lovely Seraphine occasion dresses on Vinted (designed for breastfeeding)

Look at Farm Rio or Rixo. Both have excellent summer dresses. Linen crushes but with cotton in the blend, it’s more long lasting. Boden has loads of ideas.

What about a dress from Ghost? They are very flattering! Something like this?

Interesting … I’m just under 5’3 and rarely find myself ‘too short’ for anything. (The exceptions being full length dresses from Gabriela Hearst or Studio Nicholson. Sent the former back, had the latter shortened.) Anything with a placed pattern (like the lovely Alemais trousers) is obviously hard to shorten, but generally I’m happy to have things altered if necessary.

It may be a matter of exact proportions? But also how one likes clothes to fit - I’m very comfortable with things a bit oversized and ramshackle looking.

Yes, proportions. I’m short legged and quite broad so run the risk of looking squat. Also probably confidence. I could of course wear whatever I like!

Thank you. This would probably suit my shape. And would be comfortable. However looks a bit tricky for breastfeeding!

(NB, if you like Alemais style generally, do google (try Lyst) for all available sources, as you never know where will have a current sale or archival stock.)

They have button through options too, if you like the general style.

https://alemais.com/collections/tops/products/acacia-cropped-shirt

I may order this one to try, possibly with a long skirt or trousers (but the trousers I have are a bit worky so need something more relaxed…

What colour skirt though?

I have a black tulip shaped one from Toast but I think something lighter in colour/material ?

A bit different to my usual style but I also like this and comes in petite… but maybe a bit too much of a statement!

https://www.hobbs.com/product/shanice-paisley-maxi-dress/0126-5368-9045L00-CREAM-MULTI.html

I think that's gorgeous but it's polyester. There's a very similar dress on Boden at the moment which is either linen or a linen blend if I remember correctly, but it's not buttoned so no good from the bf angle.
But I bet there's a cotton or linen or even viscose shirt dress somewhere that'd have that vibe.

Different colours but 100% cotton shirt dress and much cheaper! I like it. Might not be your thing @PluckedFromThinAir ?
https://www.next.co.uk/style/su894595/g09891

I think this dress by Holland & Cooper would be perfect and is well in budget :-
https://www.hollandcooper.com/products/amaya-maxi-dress-python?variant=54958383792506&currency=GBP&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18263218551&gbraid=0AAAAAC3KQN1jboDIlmFTxMReQrYsqk2q3&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzsSrjOX3kwMVraBQBh1uxAx3EAQYAiABEgLFPvD_BwE

Is it that your style has changed or that you still like your old clothes but they don’t fit?

I’d be tempted to just go and find clothes that actually fit you as a start if it’s the latter.

if you fancy trying a different style, the John Lewis personal shopper is supposed to be good.

id spend some of the budget on a spray tan, nails and wash/blow dry to make you feel more confident.

I loved shirt dresses when breastfeeding- helped me feel put together but still easy to pull on, look good with flats. There are a couple on Sezane at the moment - what about This one?

Something designed for breastfeeding?
Junojacks have an occasion wear range
https://junojacks.co.uk/collections/occasion-wear?page=2
Or Seraphine if you don't mind like looking on vinted.

Ooh - I had no idea that Hobbs had a petite range. How exciting! Where’s my credit card?!