What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body

[PluckedFromThinAir]

I’m turning 40 in June and am having a birthday lunch for 30 family and friends at a lovely old hotel in Wiltshire. It’s sort of fancy but not proper posh, and I’ve hired out a room that opens out onto a patio/garden area. It’s day time, including kids, so fairly relaxed.

I don’t know what to wear! Here are my issues:

• I had a baby nine months ago and have not lost weight, and am still breastfeeding, so nothing in my wardrobe from life of old fits me, and I need outfit to be breastfeeding compatible.
• I’m 5,4” and a size 12. My body has changed - I used to have a small waist/sizeable bum at size 10. Now my waist is much thicker, my boobs and tummy bigger and saggier. I have chunky upper arms. I don’t know how to dress myself.
• On top of all this my hair is falling out and my skin isn’t nice, and I look frankly exhausted and bedraggled most of the time through lack of sleep and eating too much of the wrong stuff.

So as much as I want to celebrate with my loved ones, I’m also starting to dread an event where I can’t just blend into the background.

My style of old was sort of minimalist, good quality clothing with lots of knitwear and jeans. Nothing fussy. I like colour and texture. I’ve never had my colours done but I’m fair and suit cooler shades and tend towards muted - have never been able to make jewel brights work, for example. Most of my wardrobe is Toast, Cos, Sezane (for work mostly) or vintage bits of cashmere. I don’t know what my style is now, I live in leggings as my lovely pairs of Toast trousers and Everlane jeans don’t fit!

I’d love suggestions from wise people who might help me reinvigorate my style.

Open to dresses or tops and bottoms or jewellery/accessories. I’d wear flat shoes such as sandals. Or even cosmetics etc for skin and hair.

Budget up to £500 for everything….

Thank you xx

With that budget I’d go ME & Em. They have beautiful dresses. Here’s one that could be unzipped for breastfeeding
www.meandem.com/sporty-knit-trim-detail-midi-dress-deep-carmine-red

That dress is lovely. Understated and a great colour.

@PluckedFromThinAir depending on whether you want plain or pattern, dress separates I’d also look at Farm Rio, Nadine Merabi, Rixo or Rails.

I’m going to be frank.

And am possibly over-invested because I lived in an ancient Wiltshire village in my 30s - commuting to London for work. I had a lot of money for clothes. I would have been bemused and slightly horrified, at 39, to be presented with the sort of frocks worn by senior members of the local WI and Parish Council when giving retirement speeches. Perfectly nice frocks - but they’d have looked very odd on me.

And people suggesting wide-legged trousers for someone who is 5'4'' and self-conscious about their figure.

I think a floaty wrap dress with loose sleeves and a loose v neck that allows for breast feeding like this one would suit all your needs

This is the green but the red looks really nice depending what you suit

mavienzo.com/products/womens-wrap-style-midi-dress-with-deep-v-neckline-and-tie-waist-belt-and-wide-batwing-sleeves-and-layered-sheer-skirt?variant=51129355174173&currency=GBP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google%2Bshopping&utm_campaign=23511934268&utm_ad_group=&utm_ad=&utm_source=google&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23511969749&gbraid=0AAAABCiWlFo8FUFww8R1rdPOAuWIAHYKJ&gclid=CjwKCAjwnZfPBhAGEiwAzg-VzHgiqiMY37xSckumGwLCXAc6wKmYwptUn_A5FAJzPVngWnrIbR2bzxoCTRAQAvD_BwE

Yes to using the next couple of months to improve my health and wellbeing generally. I’ve got a bit of a plan for that, with a friend who wants to do similar. Sadly the biggest issue affecting my health is my baby’s sleep (or lack of it), which is just an absolute killer. But there are lots of things I can do within my gift to make myself feel better, you’re right.

The budget is for clothes mainly but I’m up for a haircut etc beforehand. I’m not big on pampering generally and don’t wear much make up or have my nails done etc - very low maintenance on the whole - so it wouldn’t add up too much.

It's a very nice dress, but the OP likes cool muted colours?

Thank you. These are the kind of wide legs I’d like to try on in the shops. As you know I’m quite short but the longer leg could work with a low heel potentially (I will never be persuaded to wear cropped wide legs with the exception of a palazzo pant on holiday, as they make me look and feel like a garden gnome). I’d also like a high, fitted waist, I think.

Senior members of your local WI & Parish Council would wear ERDEM & Alemais? That's rather impressive!

@EleanorMc67 I’m looking through all the options you’ve so kindly shared, thank you!

Some beautiful pieces in colours I absolutely love xx

This made me laugh as my mum is in fact a parish councillor… It’s more of cord shirt and chinos sort of vibe (nothing wrong with that, nice to be comfortable), maybe a brooch on special occasions, and I’ll confess it’s not the look I’m aiming to project as the host of my birthday lunch :)

They don’t but would be fun if they did

Ah but brooches are so very this year ...!!! (If that matters 😁!!)

I love an outrageously dressed older woman, & fully intend to become one!!!

P.S I don’t think @TheFarriersDaughter was suggesting our older parishioners wear Alemais dresses as she brought my attention to the brand up thread. That said for reasons I won’t bore anyone with, I not too long ago attended an allotment committee meeting where several of the older men had a sort of Monty Don x Toast style that I quite liked…

I really want to love ME&EM but I fear it’s better for taller people… do you know if that’s the case? Their models always look very long and lean (even for models) and the only person I know well who loves this shop is also very tall…. Do you have intel on how well would work for a shorter person?

I meant that she inferred PP's suggestions of dresses (including mine?) were of the kind worn by senior WI ladies. And as I'd posted ERDEM & Alemais & Hannah etc, I was joking that I'd be surprised to see any of them clad in ERDEM for a parish council meeting - but you never know!!

Allotment societies - now that's a whole different vibe!! I'm seeing Monty Don on Saturday, & am hoping he will not disappoint, including sartorially! But then, he & his wife were jewellery designers originally, in the 80s. Very collectable & expensive now - the ladies on the parish council would love them!

Agree - it's annoying, especially when they're lined with polyester as well!

Or - even worse - the dress is silk or cotton or linen - but it's fully lined in polyester?!!! 🤷‍♀️

It's good that so many brands are at least using recycled polyester (usually made from plastic bottles & tubs etc, I believe). But I still think I sweat more in it on hot days ...

Also, @PluckedFromThinAir - I'm tall, but have had similar changes re middle section/boobs/belly/upper arms over the past few years. Mine from menopause plus reduced activity due to fibromyalgia, but it's still that thing of feeling how did that happen & WTF do I wear now?!!!

I'm posting this link to a past thread, not for your birthday party, but because I find shirtdresses - often without the belt - are a good option. Plus the buttons will be good for you breastfeeding. Lots of linen/cotton ones around for the summer. I have a denim Toast one (eBay) that I wear lots.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5517137-help-me-find-a-100-cotton-shirt-dress-pleeeaaaaase?page=6&reply=151770224&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Have you been on any of the If Monty Don were a woman S&B threads, @PluckedFromThinAir? The first was epic, and once or twice people have tried to revive it or start a new one.

I did hesitate to mention ‘senior WI members’ because I’m generally here shouting that women of any age can dress to please themselves and there are no age labels on adults’ clothes. (In response to the relentless onslaught of That’s so ugly it’s only suitable for an old woman comments that unfortunately plague this board.) But your lunch does sound like an opportunity to celebrate the new but still youthful person you’ve morphed into. It might be nice to not take the most conservative route.

Yes, I stuck with dress suggestions, but I don't think you should rule out wide leg trousers just because you're short? I have a friend who's 5' 2" & looks great in them. I think the key is to avoid ones that flare out from the hips & pool in lots of material at the bottom. What you want is ones that are cut at their widest at/below the hip & stay that same width all the way down - so essentially a wide-cut straight leg, if that makes sense!!!

Fluid silk/silky fabrics are also good I think. And yes, wearing them to cover your shoes/sandals is very in, but not to the point of being ridiculously swamped!

Whether you decide to go for a dress or separates on your birthday, it's worth investigating what kind of trousers (& tops) you like wearing anyway - now that you have a slightly different shape & a new baby & new lifestyle!!

Oh no, another fascinating-sounding rabbit hole to divert me from the garden design I should be completing for a client ...

It has to be said that, for my own 40th, there were no dress rules for others but I made sure I was the most (quirkily) glamorous person there ... & I am intending the same for my next milestone birthday!

And I am already an "older woman", technically speaking - which I'm reminded of on MN quite often!

Try some button up shirt dresses. I'm short and find them flattering. Also access for feeding

Also, @PluckedFromThinAir , you're right about aiming for a slightly higher waist with wide-leg trousers, especially if fitted/tailored. To look taller & more streamlined, it's best to aim for a top that sits at the c.40% part of your body, with the trousers the remaining c.60%.

Sort of like my doodle?

Another set a bit like the Jigsaw one, but in navy silk satin. I like the elegant simplicity of both of them. That's if they're not too pyjama-y in the flesh.

Again, you might need to get things taken up (the top too if it's too long). Also, lots of clothing is cut to be quite oversized right now - so you might be better going down a size if that's the case.

https://www.arket.com/en-gb/women/trousers/product/silk-satin-trousers-dark-blue-1345195001/