What to wear for a smart but relaxed 40th birthday lunch for post baby body

[PluckedFromThinAir]

I’m turning 40 in June and am having a birthday lunch for 30 family and friends at a lovely old hotel in Wiltshire. It’s sort of fancy but not proper posh, and I’ve hired out a room that opens out onto a patio/garden area. It’s day time, including kids, so fairly relaxed.

I don’t know what to wear! Here are my issues:

• I had a baby nine months ago and have not lost weight, and am still breastfeeding, so nothing in my wardrobe from life of old fits me, and I need outfit to be breastfeeding compatible.
• I’m 5,4” and a size 12. My body has changed - I used to have a small waist/sizeable bum at size 10. Now my waist is much thicker, my boobs and tummy bigger and saggier. I have chunky upper arms. I don’t know how to dress myself.
• On top of all this my hair is falling out and my skin isn’t nice, and I look frankly exhausted and bedraggled most of the time through lack of sleep and eating too much of the wrong stuff.

So as much as I want to celebrate with my loved ones, I’m also starting to dread an event where I can’t just blend into the background.

My style of old was sort of minimalist, good quality clothing with lots of knitwear and jeans. Nothing fussy. I like colour and texture. I’ve never had my colours done but I’m fair and suit cooler shades and tend towards muted - have never been able to make jewel brights work, for example. Most of my wardrobe is Toast, Cos, Sezane (for work mostly) or vintage bits of cashmere. I don’t know what my style is now, I live in leggings as my lovely pairs of Toast trousers and Everlane jeans don’t fit!

I’d love suggestions from wise people who might help me reinvigorate my style.

Open to dresses or tops and bottoms or jewellery/accessories. I’d wear flat shoes such as sandals. Or even cosmetics etc for skin and hair.

Budget up to £500 for everything….

Thank you xx

I would really recommend wearing anything other than a dress, if you are still breastfeeding. Honestly, you will either have to get entirely undressed and feed in the loo, or have the fabric all bunched either up or down to allow access, and then look all creased and dreadful. A short-ish, boxy shirt and wide legs is a far better choice.

Not if it's a loose-ish cut & a button-through shirt dress? A shirt & wide legs will also work well of course, but the boxier & shorter the shirt is, the more I think it won't flatter the OP's shape. If it's at the point where the shirt is almost wider than it is long, then it won't be flattering.

Meant to post this Jigsaw one earlier. It might be too parish councillor for your birthday bash, OP .... but it's rather a nice button-through shirt dress for other occasions?! I find details like the side ties really useful, if your middle is fatter than it used to be - as you can pull them in as much as you like at the waist.

https://www.brandalley.co.uk/blue-outline-rose-shirt-dress-25680678.html

This is beautiful. The link takes me to the Liberty homepage and I can’t find it though (although I suspect too over budget to really consider, I’d love to have a closer look!£

Thank you, I can see the logic in this. I also quite fancy wearing separates, prompted by suggestions here, as it feels grown up (which, inexplicably, I am!).

If I wear a button front dress I’d be quite exposed when feeding. I could take a wrap/scarf for modesty. A dress is more my comfort zone and there’s several here I’d happily wear and no doubt feel well put together. But yes rouching and crumpling may be an issue.

my baby will be almost a year so it’s not like they feed constantly but it’s a long lunch then coffee/cake etc so I will probably once or twice.

Does this work? It's merely double your budget ...!!!

https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/floral-print-short-sleeve-shirt-dress-000859965.html

Re the body top… I see your point. Although despite being thicker than it was my waist is still my narrowest point so if I’m going to bisect anywhere that’s the spot. And because I’m not tall a cropped shirt will often sit on my waist. If top and bottom were similar rather than contrasting colours I think it could work - not necessarily that shirt but as a silhouette.

This Erdem one is in budget. Would be over the knee on you, if you were fine with that. I think it's really lovely.

https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/erdem/dresses/knee-length-dresses/pintucked-floral-print-cotton-poplin-dress/46376663163104049

I mean boxy top, as in a cropped shirt

Yes thank you, what a lovely dress!

(and 15% off!)

((no, I must resist))

Yes, the Alemais one might well be waist-length on you. If it's an oversized shape you might be better sizing down so that it's less wide. And yes, wearing one colour/print or tones of one colour will definitely be helpful.

Will you be walking on hard surfaces for the do, OP, or will you be on grass/playing with children etc? Or even walking on gravel (as it can be a bugger if it's not properly compacted!). As those factors will affect what footwear will suit best.

That blue and white look that the 2 Erdem dresses have, some 100 Stars stuff has that kind of vibe. None of their dresses are bf friendly I don't think but they've got loose shirts, wideleg trousers (palazzo), lightweight kimonos that you could wear over a tee and palazzzos, for instance. An example.
onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/clothing/products/giant-willow-blue-duster-jacket?_pos=12&_fid=188e85bed&_ss=c&_gl=11ta3fmf_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAjwnZfPBhAGEiwAzg-VzD1yoeZG9ZALYBZVLD64I0YGt1w5T8jf6jN9jpi7WMe5nFWApbDQrxoCdsQQAvD_BwE

This Erdem one is also rather nice - but I'd prefer the previous one I posted.

https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/erdem/dresses/midi-dresses/floral-print-cotton-poplin-midi-shirt-dress/46376663163140515

I’d opt for linen or cotton trousers (I’d choose a dark beige, light brown or khaki) and a lovely loose blouse with a stretchy cami top underneath for breastfeeding compatibility. Wedges or flat sandals, treat yourself to a trip to the make up counter (not sure where you live but the lady who served me at cribbs causeway boots number 7 was excellent at fixing my tired mum look!)

Just over budget. https://www.theoutnet.com/en-gb/shop/product/erdem/dresses/midi-dresses/fil-coupe-cotton-blend-jacquard-midi-shirt-dress/46376663163138866

I’d go for one of the Toast silk dresses with the tie waist. Should fit you for years. There is a lush one called produce print at the moment.

I haven’t been on the Monty threads, but I’ve considered this thought experiment myself before! Sounds like a place for me.

And yes, I agree not intended to be disparaging towards older people at all, a great many of whom are extremely stylish. I guess I’m trying to avoid both girlishness and conservatism.

I know the one you mean. I really like the dress in it.

https://onehundredstars.co.uk/products/giant-willow-blue-pinch-pleat-dress

Thank you, yes I would wear this dress generally for summer, possibly for party. Have a couple of the Toast Bryn dresses that I love (but can’t breastfeed in).

I can’t tell from the pic or description whether the neckline is actually open… do you have this dress?

www.toa.st/products/produce-print-silk-cotton-dress-slate?&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=18437612048&dema_id=18437612048&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18437706656&gbraid=0AAAAADntuojcDo5gjpV_9BDEwTp1hxS20&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4p3-tZL9kwMVf5VQBh2otA3WEAQYASABEgKnUfD_BwE

Yes me too! Love that blue and white type of look it almost never fails to look crisp and cool and clean and fresh. Such a good combo. 💙🤍

Ha not a million miles from Cribbs, thanks for the tip!

They are lovely, I have quite a few Toast dresses. Not sure if OP was into their dresses though, or just their separates? Some think their dresses are better for tall people, which I am, but the OP isn't, so I hadn't thought to look there.

I agree and it suits my colouring, too. I’ll have a look on the website to see if any tops/bottoms on that theme, thank you.

Just seen your post OP & that you DO wear Toast dresses as well as separates!