Will my DD aged 18 be mocked for this?

[hippospot]

Or sniggered at, ridiculed or ostracised?

Having unshaved underarms at uni.

She has her own style, quite quirky / dark academia, it really suits her. She's bookish and amazing. Tall and striking. I'm so proud of her.

But when she tried on her prom dress I admit the bushy underarm hair shocks 50-something me. At her age I wouldn't have had the confidence or daring to stand out at all.

I offered to get her a razor in the past and she seemed affronted and insisted she likes her body hair. Her body, her choice. I didn't ever mention it again.

The thing is she's at a selective girls school where there's a fantastic ethos of acceptance, lots of clever girls like her and a lot of neurodiversity. I'm worried her uni experience won't be as accepting. She's going to a traditional Russell group uni this year with a lot of public school types.

I'm conflicted about saying something to her again.

WWYD?

I don't shave. I am in my 50s. Do you think someone should say something to me?

It would be unusual at a college or faculty ball. Depends on university - but she might not want to go anyway. Other than that, she’s going to find people like her and those who shave will find people like them. Private school dc with a different view won’t care because she won’t be on their wave length. Private school dc who don’t shave will be like her won’t they! I rarely see young women with hair in their arm pits and my DDs would never ever go unshaved. They do it for them and DD2 danced a lot too. It’s irrelevant what men think.

You may get arrested by the hairy armpit police!

That is entirely different. A tattoo is permanent. Hair is not. Would you forbid a 15 year old to have a choice about her head hair? That more akin to it.

My Daughter is past that age and no I did not dictate what she does with her body hair. It is her decision entirely because it’s not permanent and I wouldn’t dream of telling her how to manage it. She’s also gay and certainly isn’t doing it for male appreciation or conformity. I absolutely haven’t had a knee jerk reaction. I just think that it’s perfectly reasonable for you to explain your objections and to make her aware but I don’t think it’s reasonable to prevent something she chooses to do which isn’t permanent having given her the information you want her to have

The only hair on my body is on my head; my choice. But I wouldn't dream of ridiculing anyone who made their own different choices and I'm sure your daughter's peers will be the same.

Amongst my friendship group there are hairy, totally non hairy and everything in between. It's the same as people's (head) hairstyles varying really.

I think people tend to judge others based on if they are like them. Would a woman with hairy armpits appeal to me? No. I would assume we are very different. We make our own choices and each choice is fine. Plus DDs change! Beware interviews for a job in the summer.

Wow I'm so happy to read all the replies, I'm 47 and only have small DC - I had no idea young women are embracing body hair. I think I will follow suit.

She sounds incredibly cool

You’ve offered and I know what you mean - she’ll either want to eventually or not but she’s being herself x

Naughty! I love it mainly because it shocks men tee hee

Never too old! X

You're in your 50s and you're shocked by armpit hair? Did you grow up under a rock? Time to drop it, it's not a problem for her. This is a you problem.

Not your problem, she might get some comments, or maybe not. She will either care, or will not care, she will either trim if not trim.its up to her, and dealing with a few unkind comments builds either resilience or strategies for dealing with unkind words. Can't wrap em in a bubble, and this is pretty trivial to deal with whichever way she goes.

@Goditsmemargaret Are they? My DDs are 30 and 33. They would not and unlikely to think hairy women are like them. As I said, it’s a case of finding people like you. What do your friends do?

Most of us fit into our friendship groups and it’s nothing to do with men! Women can have views too!

If you shower, or at least wash every day, and aren’t doing a physically demanding job..
which actually brings a side thought to mind, because I worked mucking out a milking herd with a shovel several times a day, was known to wade through slurry up to my neck to rescue a sheep that thought it was an escape route, sort of life, and sweat smell was the least of my worries…

.anyway if you wash your bits and shower every day, in normal circumstances, there should be no smell of sweat. Sweat stinks when it’s stale…and have you not seen the adverts? Always amuse me…deodorants / antiperspirants protect for… 72 hours and most shower at least every 24.
I’m fortunate to have very little armpit hair .. but washing and antiperspirant will prevent smell, hairy or not.

Aww..have a hug 🤗 Unfortunately, let’s just say, by the time I finish a course, I’d be too old for any employer, …Funny..I was too old at 18 for several jobs. They wanted 16yr olds to start as bank tellers, and others too, though that was one I wanted to leave school for. After my A levels, they no longer wanted me

I'm 61 and I never shaved my armpits as a young woman. I just didn't want to and noone ever said anything to me about that ever, why on earth would they?

Even if they had I would not have cared. In those days it was much more common not to shave under arm in Europe and I came from an Italian family so thought of it as normal. I do remember noticing that more women had underarm hair when I was visting my relatives in Italy than was common in the UK but it just never felt like something I needed to do.

Mine (17) doesn’t shave and was outraged when little cousin (5) said that arm hair was ‘gross’. Me too: surely 5 is way too young to be indoctrinated like that…

Little cousin is allowed to have opinions! I’m impressed.

Little cousin sounds rude calling someone's appearance 'gross' - odd that you are impressed by that.

Her opinion! Could have used a far worse word! Hopefully not at 5 and little dc tend to say what they feel. It’s a bonus of being 5 and not 50. Most YR children have opinions. Doesn’t mean she’s a rude child and older DD surely will not have cared.

Yes little children can be outspoken and tactless, that is hardly news. What surprises me is an adult being impressed by that - it strikes me as a strange thing to be impressed by, that's all.

I’m 70, I’ve never shaved anywhere, this is a personal issue, and shaming someone for body hair is frankly rude.

She will be fine. Really!

Wow, @Skybluepinky you and @sidebirds are both very wrong. Hairy pits don’t mean body odour, unless you don’t wash. As I said before, pit hair wicks sweat away from your skin and that helps reduce smell. Shaving is unnecessary, just wash and use deodorant.