Will my DD aged 18 be mocked for this?

[hippospot]

Or sniggered at, ridiculed or ostracised?

Having unshaved underarms at uni.

She has her own style, quite quirky / dark academia, it really suits her. She's bookish and amazing. Tall and striking. I'm so proud of her.

But when she tried on her prom dress I admit the bushy underarm hair shocks 50-something me. At her age I wouldn't have had the confidence or daring to stand out at all.

I offered to get her a razor in the past and she seemed affronted and insisted she likes her body hair. Her body, her choice. I didn't ever mention it again.

The thing is she's at a selective girls school where there's a fantastic ethos of acceptance, lots of clever girls like her and a lot of neurodiversity. I'm worried her uni experience won't be as accepting. She's going to a traditional Russell group uni this year with a lot of public school types.

I'm conflicted about saying something to her again.

WWYD?

Uni is the place where people all find their little groups and finally the awful bullying and exclusion nonsense of school is over. She’ll be just fine, in fact, she’ll progress be quite cool at Uni by the sounds of it!

Not at all. I personally do shave but I’m friends with some women and worked with others who don’t shave anything. Wasn’t even a thing that was discussed just sometimes you notice.

Not quite sure it’s fair to equate “public school types” at a Russell Group uni with mocking someone about body hair choices… I think you’re projecting there! I’m sure she’ll be fine. Uni’s are so enormous these days she’ll find her hairy tribe 👍🏻

50 something here who has recently grown her armpit hair. I have to say it's really quite freeing to stick a middle finger up to the beauty standards that say we should be shaven!

Really, this is your contribution to the thread??

Many of the questions asked on here could be answered by a look on Google, but where would be the fun in that?

It doesn't bother me whether women have body hair or not, but be honest, do you really think anyone cares about your armpit hair? Sticking your middle finger up to beauty standards isn't really as dramatic as you seem to think it is.

At 37 I still don't shave my armpits or legs... I wax my vulva because I prefer it but armpit and leg hair is fine by me

That's quite usual. I don't think I've known anyone who shaves their pubic hair, but leaves their underarm hair.

At university they’re all adults (albeit young ones). People at university don’t tend to bully and tease each other the way children and teenagers do. And most of the Russel Group unis I can think of are enormous, with populations the size of a small town, so there are absolutely all sorts of people, from all different backgrounds, countries etc. so she will be able to find people she fits in with if she looks hard enough. And in any case, she’s more than old enough now to work out for herself whether she’s being judged and whether she cares, so there’s no need for you to say anything.
She’ll be the latest in a long line of student rebels and non-conformists. Good luck to her.

You could ask her to shave, I wonder what her response would be?
Good on her she's got self confidence and self belief.
We don't shave for our own benefit, body hair is not a hygiene issue. We don't shave for others' benefit, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to my neighbour how hairy I am. The only people who benefit from me shaving is the beauty industry, they make a whole lot of money from making us feel inadequate in our own skin.

Celebrate this girl who knows her own mind and walks with her head held high, and feels no shame. She sounds wonderful. My DD is 14 and doesn’t bother.

Unless you’re a waxer how would you even know? How many people do you talk to about whether they wax their vulva?

Well, it rarely crops up in conversation, but from my own expetience it seems unusual.

Agree.

Even the animal world has beauty standards, as do tribes who have never seen a tv never mind SM, as did the Ancient Greeks, Egyptians, Romans etc.

Beauty or grooming standards are not a modern or even exclusively human phenomena.

But how would you know?

I don't. Its a subjective discussion based on experience.

As others posters have said, I don’t think she’d get the shocked stares and sniggers she would have got 20 years ago cos feminism amongst young people’s much more important to them than it used to be. I often don’t bother shaving my armpits till the hair starts getting so much it annoys me and I don’t feel self-conscious when they are hairy cos it’s seen as much more socially acceptable. 20 years ago I’d have been mortified if I lifted my arms at the gym and realised I’d forgotten to shave, even if it was only a bit of stubble! Thank god things have moved on. Focus on encouraging her to be proud of who she is and the choices she makes about her body rather than encouraging her to conform for the sake of what other people think

I know loads of women who shave/wax/trim their pubic hair but grow their armpit hair (used to play on a women’s football team where stuff like this was discussed a lot!) I think it was a feminist statement for them. Easy to outwardly make a feminist statement with armpit hair cos lots of people see it but maybe didn’t want to rock a full pubic bush cos it’s not as hygienic or they felt self-conscious during sex etc

You don't get your vulva waxed 😂 Vulva is the wrong term.

Try living in the 1970s - what a fuss being made here.

I was referencing the person I was quoting- but it’s all part of the vulva, the mons pubis, labia majora
etc- they’re all under the vulva ‘umbrella’.

If it feels powerful to her, then what the hell does it take away from you. Weird and insecure to need to slap people down like this.

Never really thought about it before but this thread reminded me of when my younger brother commented on my burgeoning armpit hair as I entered puberty - that comment made me feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable. It's great to know that young women today don't feel that same pressure to hide / remove what is completely natural. (At my age, I barely have any left now so it's not something I have a choice over anymore.)

Yeah but there's bits of the vulva you don't get waxed 😂

Well obviously. I don’t think I’m the one in need of an anatomy lesson here as you seemed to think that you didn’t wax it at all.