Any advise on how to look older when I'm in my early 40s ?

[MomWithChinHairs]

That maybe the 1st time someone asked this on here. 🤣 But I fall into the proaging rabit hole. Even my husband wants me to look older as that is what he's into now.

Let me give you some of the stuff I'm working with:
● My natural hair color is dark brown. I'm rocking a pixie cut that's dyed blonde.

● Unless it's a special occasion, I have abandoned dresses, jeans, and skirts. I wear leggings for my fluctuating weight. I were tank tops because of hot flashes, night sweats, and other sweating events.

● Stop wearing makeup.

So ladies, help me age up. 🤣
Obviously not in a ridiculous way as I'm not going to start smoking nor doing hour long tans in the sun. Don't kill me but help me older. Love you guys. 💙

He doesn't feel weird about it. He's secure about the strength of our relationship

Not a very coherent thread here OP.
Get your shit together and start doing stuff for yourself because it pleases you. Forget about other men, why would their opinions matter? Are you some sort of decorative item for random people to admire?
Maybe your DH was hinting at being more mature, as in grown-up, about the way you present yourself, not older in appearance. A bit more sophisticated, elegant maybe, classy, that sort of thing. It's not something you adopt, it's a style you are comfortable with and you further develop throughout your life. Like any other style I suppose.
Look up classical beauties or elegance, I'm sure there is a lot of inspiration online with suggestions for hairstyles and clothes. But, in essence, it's a more natural look, polished as much as you can be bothered. Definitely no leggings!!!

Yes, surely this is it.

i could understand someone starting a thread saying “I’ve got to a stage in life where I’d like to look more sophisticated and put-together. I’m in my forties but I’m still dressing like a teenager - can you advise me how to be more elegant”?

But asking how to look twenty years older than you are is odd.

Give over, no one in the whole history of ever has wanted to look 20 years older than they are.

Try this look:

Your clothes say a lot.

I look very young.
My style makes me appear early 20s but I have a teenager myself and sometimes I want to look older so I am taken more seriously (especially at parents evenings and interviews etc).

I tend to shop in places of older age groups like M&S or next when I’m trying to appear older but my preferred shops are places like new look.

I think women with blonde hair look older and brunettes look younger, so I’m not sure about dying your hair.
I would also say pixie cuts are not typically seen on younger women and so I’m not sure if your hair needs to change.

Kindly, there are men attractive to babies and young children.

I wouldn’t be trying to change my age to impress men.

I get a lot of teen boys/early 20s coming on to me which can be a pain but I wouldn’t go out of my way to attract older men.

I can’t help the way I look and if someone is not attracted to me as I am then that’s their problem, not mine.

Stop chasing validation and work on your self-esteem and other difficulties?

Or just get a Nora Batty costume for wild nights at home.

You look less than half your age when you’re not dressed in M&S or Next clothes?

Heck I don't have any of that and I'm 61, I must be wearing it very well.🙄

Okay, I haven't read the whole thread because - it's surreal

Anyway

It does actually highlight something I was thinking about earlier

Which is that leisure wear can make a kind of neutrality in terms of age and styling.

I seem to have a permanently freezing neck, but I can't find a scarf that looks good without making me look older - you know a kind of smooth scarf? Not a thick knit one And if I knotted it, I would look like my granny.

our idea of formal and informal has shifted so drastically. But I don't like polo necks because they make my chest look stupidly big

So basically looking for a modern version of a silky scarf - that doesn't look too crazy with leisurewear

Maybe I should've posted that as a separate topic.

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😅🤣🤣😂

Sounds like you were very very beautiful when younger and very much based your worth and lifestyle on the power and influence that beauty gave you. Now you’re struggling because you’re not having the same effect on people.

Most of us cannot advise as we’ve never been ‘Goddesses’. It’s time to develop self worth outside of your looks

Try a ski snood.

Why you said you're not a goddess ?

Taking this at face value:

Full makeup, including foundation, powder, mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, lipliner, eyeshadow. Neutral colours, matte rather than shiny.

Formal, neutral, unrevealing clothes including 15 denier tights and court shoes.

Formally styled hair that doesn't move very much. Hairspray is your friend.

No not half my age lol.

People assume I am early 20s when I wear the clothes that I prefer.

When I wear M&S etc clothes people say I look mid 20s.

I definitely think clothing makes a big difference but not twice your age different.

I'm very petite and have a round, unwrinkled face so am often mistaken for younger than my 64 years.

Hints I can pass on - Uggs are quite aging. I'm 64 and wear them constantly from November to April.

A line of white root peeking out of my bronde hair is aging.

Wearing an ill fitting bra that gives me double boobs that droop to my waist is aging.

A lot of heavy black eyeliner is aging.

Not de-fuzzing my face is aging.

HTH

@HarvestMouseandGoldenCups I actually have a couple of those

Was looking for something a bit nicer!

Tell him to fuck off.

If my DH told me to dress older I would tell him nobody gets to dictate what I wear.

Ah. See what you mean

I’ve just had a quick look too.

Aww OP my heart breaks for you 💐

You are obviously very self conscious and it’s affecting your everyday life.

I think you’ve hit 40/become perimenopausal and you’re struggling.

I think you’re worried about losing your husband because you’re getting older.

FWIW 40 is nothing.
I assumed you were in your 60s.

I think it’s worth taking a trip to the gp.

Thank you.

I'm going to tell my therapist about this. I thought I was done being freaked out about aging.

i try to see aging as a blessing. Many, many people in the world including some I know have died younger than me (early fifties). If you knew you had a year, a month, a day left to live, would you really be worried about aging, or would you be doing things that matter to you?

How you look is superficial, except it is a marker of time passing and none of us can stop the clock. Indeed, there are times of great pain when it is good that time passes and things get better. Sometimes aging is good because you learn about a situation or other things and understand how to better look after yourself. You know more in your fifties than your twenties. One of the things I have learned is to have better emotional boundaries to protect my wellbeing and stability and not get drawn into other people’s expectations which do me harm.

This thread is full of ageist stereotypes about people in their fifties and sixties, but there are also people in their fifties and sixties telling you mainly that what they enjoy is dressing how they want in a style that suits them and which is individual to them. It’s more fun to experiment and find a style which suits you than worry or conform to stereotypes.

The main thing is to enjoy what you wear and appreciate your face as part of you and part of the body which is taking you through each day. Each day is precious, so yes, talk to your therapist so you can stop worrying about things you cannot change and focus on what you can change, and what you enjoy.

Aging is definitely a blessing when you think of the alternative. You can't generalise about the effects of aging though. There are people in their 80s still running marathons, my sons athletic club leader was an example, as is Rod Stewart 81 & many more. There are people in the same age group sitting in a chair in care homes. Everyone is an individual with their own fitness capacity. We shouldn't assume all people when they reach a certain age lose their attractiveness, have no intimate relationships & have little to offer in life just because that is our mindset when young.