I am hideous and it's making me miserable

[GoldSwan48]

Hello,

Something really awful has happened to my face - I am guessing hormones. I am 38 and I look about 20 years older. My face has sagged, I have loads of deep wrinkles in my forehead and under my eyes as well as huge eye bags. It seems to have happened in a few weeks. I eat well, drink lots of water, take a multivitamin, use retinal (can't handle tret) and ceramides and peptides, moisturiser and factor 50 every day. Everything I use is from the high street, I can't afford expensive stuff and definitely can't afford going for facial treatments or botox. Thing is, its killing my confidence. I feel like I deserve to only walk around in huge baggy jumpers and stuff because my face is too ugly to wear my nice clothes. My teeth have also yellowed which is weird, my dentist said he wasn't sure why it had happened recently (don't drink coffee, tea, smoke or drink alcohol etc). I have no glow, I look terrible.

Is there anything that has boosted you? Given your skin a glow? Helped to whiten your teeth? I have tried to get those crest whitening strips from America but can't find anywhere as they're not legal here I don't think. I feel dirty and gross, even when I am clean and fresh. I feel like giving up on myself and I don't want to be in this position. I don't understand.

It sounds like you're struggling with your mental health and you're projecting how you feel onto how you look (e.g. feeling dirty and gross when you're clean).

How's your diet? Do you exercise much? Maybe you'd feel better with an overhaul of both- reduce sugar, drink more water, eat more veg, start doing youtube workouts?

You could take supplements designed for skin, hair and nails. Do you think you could be anaemic? Low on magnesium? There are loads of Well Woman type supplements out there, which might given you a boost.

That sounds depressing. If it's any consolation I've got horrific eye bags, massive number 11, broken capillaries in my face, a deviated septum, yellowing teeth and out of control nostril hair.

But I do try and focus on the positives! I don't have enough money for fancy products or treatments either.

As I said in my OP I have a good diet, drink lots of water (its pretty much the only drink I have), no alcohol etc. I exercise every day. I am not depressed in general, but I feel awful when I look in the mirror because I have suddenly aged so much. It makes me feel gross, like people think I am unclean. My teeth having yellowed with no explanation also makes me feel unclean even though my teeth are clean.

It's so rubbish, I read that women have these two moments where hormones change and they will have this sudden change of appearance and I feel like this is me. It seemed almost overnight, although it was over a few weeks/months.

The teeth thing is awful, I wish we were allowed products here to whiten at home like in America because I cannot afford the dentist treatments.

Oh @GoldSwan48 im so sorry you feel this way. Kindly, this is a mental health thing rather than a pampering thing. I’m sure you don’t believe less than attractive women don’t deserve to have nice things?
Re the crest strips - home teeth whitening (google them) import from America and are legit. Have you done a colour analyses for what colours flatter you? Have a look on TikTok and YouTube for an idea.
I do understand though, I’m 38 too and it’s a strange transition age not being the perky 20 something who always got lots of attention!

https://www.hometeethwhitening.com/product/crest-3d-white-professional-effects-luxe-whitestrips-teeth-whitening/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22907683140&gclid=CjwKCAjw04HIBhB8EiwA8jGNbZYoKF5ZsJpcuGpZSQOv9j9vGHJpGeu1dyz3RGibbnDGie2M3RQSsxoC33sQAvD_BwE

I use these and can confirm they’re the real deal.imported from America but posted from UK

I feel like if I wear something nice people will be like 'Ew, why is she trying when her face looks like that?', which I get probably does sound utterly bonkers. IT feels a bit like there is no point bothering with the rest unless I deal with the massive issues, but I don't know how to.

I will Google that company, I think that will help give me a confidence boost for sure.

I know, it sucks. For me I think it's been more gradual. But I definitely don't look great now in my 40s. I think you can make scrubs and masks with oats and honey and oils and stuff? Maybe we should try that? X

Starting with simple walking is often a good first step

Our bodies do change as we age, but it’s hard to know if that’s what’s going on here because the way you describe yourself is extreme. I would describe myself as looking dull and tired, not ‘hideous’ or ‘gross’. Kindly, I think you need to work on your self esteem as there isn’t a potion or product out there that is going to instantly transform how you feel about yourself, and your self worth shouldn’t be dependent on how plump your skin is or how white your teeth are.

To answer your question, collagen can help with skin and hair condition and I find sleeping with my head raised helps fluid retention under the eyes.

You are getting older, as we all are. When it happens rapidly it can be a shock and there is a period of adjustment needed. Have you tried facial massage? There are lots of videos on YouTube. If you do it everyday it's a lovely way of showing yourself some self-care while also helping to cultivate the muscles of the face.

I exercise daily and walking is a big part of my life as I do it for my job (outdoor job)

Cheapest things that sort me out (a bit).
Hair mask - massive tube of papaya stuff from Superdrug's.
The ordinary AHA peel - literally lifts the dull off me!
Tan drops - add them to your face cream.
I wear perfume even when I am round the house on my own... it's lifting.

If I were you I would return to your GP and insist on a full panoply of blood and other tests. It’s highly unusual for a healthy person’s appearance to change so suddenly.

Maybe speak to your dentist about your teeth. As we age, we lose enamel and our teeth turn yellow. Perhaps they can prescribe a toothpaste to preserve the enamel which would have benefits beyond them just looking whiter?

Other than that, make peace with aging. It happens to us all. It really helps when you start giving zero fucks about what you look like. In my late 30s I stopped with daily make-up and hair colour and 'let myself go' and have never felt better.

I bet you're not hideous - people rarely are.
Sounds like you're having trouble accepting aging! I know where you're coming from. For the last couple of months, I've been watching my eye lids/back of socket turn darker and darker. Wrinkles awful, sagging, and to make things worse I still have hormonal acne, am in my 50's! Teeth looking rubbish too.

I'd wear those nice clothes! Of course you should, nobody is going to think anything other than 'you look nice' plus you should wear them for yourself, nobody else. If a fan of make up (I can never be bothered) go to one of those make up counters and get a free makeover, and ask them for tips to hide some of the aging.

You do sound a bit down and for that am sorry. Take good care.

As a quick fix, face tape is great to lift and tauten the lower face. It takes a bit of practice to get the position right, you tube videos by drag queen are really useful! It's a good mood boost when you see your jawline x

We age as we get older and it shouldn't be seen as a crime.
I got away with looking 10 years younger fot years but its now catching up with me.

I find vitamin c serum ( i use sunday riley) plus a good face powder ( givenchy or laura mercier) makes my face look at bit glowing.

But its mainly psychological and accepting the inevitable.

Better than the alternative as they say.

I spoke to my dentist and he said he couldn't say for sure what was causing the yellowing but to keep a close eye on one of them in case it had 'died' because it is significantly more yellow. I can't afford his whitening treatment, but I will get some whitening strips. He said they are healthy enough, which I know is the most important thing, but the colour is offputting.

I appreciate that that has made you feel better, but I don't want to look as unhealthy as I feel I look and it matters to me. I am not ashamed of that. There is aging and then there is how much my face has shifted.

Agree, The ordinary AHA peel is such a nice product! I forget to use it regularly, my bad, but love how my skin feels after. Cheap too.

Go to your GP and tell them how you are feeling.

They should run tests for anaemia, b12 deficiencies and other markers and also look at your hormone levels.

It's less the physical symptoms than the mental ones that suggest issues to be honest. It's an extreme emotional response.

Call the GP '!=

I think this is my issue, its not like it has happened over a few years, it feels so sudden and I can't get used to it. I don't look well, however I seem to be fine in general and GP said all is okay, so I can only assume its a hormonal shift that is showing on my face?

Will look into this!

I read that we don't age in a linear, consistent trajectory. We age in leaps, typically in early/mid 40s and again in early/mid 60s. Our hormones plunge in our 40s.

You seem to be doing all the correct things. If it's any consolation you will give less fucks when you hit menopause.

My MIL aged very well until her mid 60s. She went to the beautician every Friday after work and hairdresser every Saturday morning for a wash and blow dry, and cut and dye every 6 weeks or so. Maintaining good hair and a healthy weight and body shape mean a lot.

HRT? I found a doc who would prescribe the pill when I hit this bump (same as you i was 39) and that gave my skin a glow back. Or maybe you can get hrt.

whatever the strongest over the counter retinol you can get too for skin

go to a john lewis or similar and go to bobby brown or another reputable make up place and get them to do a make up class for older skin. Or watch lisa eldridge tutorials online. Make up can cover SO MANY SINS. I use elf shiny stuff (cheap) under foundation and takes 10 years off.