I am hideous and it's making me miserable

[GoldSwan48]

Hello,

Something really awful has happened to my face - I am guessing hormones. I am 38 and I look about 20 years older. My face has sagged, I have loads of deep wrinkles in my forehead and under my eyes as well as huge eye bags. It seems to have happened in a few weeks. I eat well, drink lots of water, take a multivitamin, use retinal (can't handle tret) and ceramides and peptides, moisturiser and factor 50 every day. Everything I use is from the high street, I can't afford expensive stuff and definitely can't afford going for facial treatments or botox. Thing is, its killing my confidence. I feel like I deserve to only walk around in huge baggy jumpers and stuff because my face is too ugly to wear my nice clothes. My teeth have also yellowed which is weird, my dentist said he wasn't sure why it had happened recently (don't drink coffee, tea, smoke or drink alcohol etc). I have no glow, I look terrible.

Is there anything that has boosted you? Given your skin a glow? Helped to whiten your teeth? I have tried to get those crest whitening strips from America but can't find anywhere as they're not legal here I don't think. I feel dirty and gross, even when I am clean and fresh. I feel like giving up on myself and I don't want to be in this position. I don't understand.

Wear the great clothes. Sod what anyone else thinks. Enjoy being you.

My old auntie (God rest her soul) told me that as you approach 40, a dab of false tan in your moisturiser and a tot of blusher on your cheeks is your best friend. 💕
Always have a slick of pale or clear nail polish. 💅
And make sure your hair is clean as it's your crown 👑

she would also use cold teabags of an evening on her eye bags and she would even put a dot of preparation H cream on her eyebags to reduce puffiness (not sure if would recommend that one though!). 😆

I really feel for you OP. I went through this last year and the responses you've had have made me realise I'm not alone. I'm nearly 40 and although my skin is good my face has changed and looks.. middle-aged.
I'm apple-shaped and small. Unhelpfully, I was comparing myself to my most beautiful friends or celebrities my age like Anne Hathaway 😂
I think it was an aging spurt !This year I've accepted myself a bit more.Continue to take good care of my skin,have stopped drinking alcohol and trying to get more rest and exercise. Still occasionally envious of women who seem to defy time but realise I have nice features that maybe others covet too and more importantly I'm a cool and decent person.
All that said I do think you should go back to the GP to rule out anything sinister and monitor the symptoms that might be perimenopause.
I hope you can get a boost.

totally agree with this.

You could just be vitamin deficient.. but if you do have a developing issue, you will be able to treat it now.

Have a nice facial and if you can get a new outfit, or get your hair done (it always makes one feel better)

Are you stressed? Getting enough sleep? Eating enough protein?

Hope you find a good solution soon.

I'm apple-shaped and small. Unhelpfully, I was comparing myself to my most beautiful friends or celebrities my age like Anne Hathaway 😂

Yes, it is hard to find out that one is not willowy and elegant and actually short and dumpy! It is hard in your late thirties/early forties. I have found it easier since I've been in my fifties though, as absolutely everyone has aged, even the perma-youth people, and everyone is either a bit thin and wrinkly in the face, or fatter, or both. No-one escapes, not even those hitting it with HRT, Botox and surgery, I have friends who have done this and they look good, but not the same age as lovely fresh 25 year olds, and those days just are over and that's ok. It's a shock to realise you are not like them anymore, and closer in age to your middle-aged or older relatives!

Drinking a cup of hot water with lemon juice in it daily will turn your teeth yellow over time.

I really don’t think that most people would think like that. I have never had an attractive face and age along with various health things have really not helped so I can sympathise a bit. If you stand still and look in the mirror your face is still, when you are talking to people, especially about something that engages you then they see animation not what you see in the mirror.
I take the opposite view, if I am going to need to dress to be practical and keep warm then I am at least going to pick colours and patterns that bring me joy.

It sounds like you are already ENORMOUSLY invested in your appearance (all those treatments and potions etc) so of course it will seem worse to you when your looks start to change. But it is normal for your face to change, sometimes quite suddenly with hormone fluctuations etc.

I hate to think what you think of women like me, who pretty much just wash their face, brush their teeth and hair and leave the house. You obviously judge people who don't look good as less worthy, or you wouldn't be so down on yourself for your appearance changing, to the point you think you are dirty and unworthy of nice clothes etc simply because your face has changed.

You can no doubt find some more pills and potions from all these recommendations that will stem the tide a while, but ageing is inevitable. If you're fortunate enough to be spared, you WILL end up wrinkled, tea-marked, may get venous lake, your eyes will dim and film, your hair will thin and grey, your breasts will sag and wither. The only way to avoid this is to spend ever-increasing amounts of money on ever more radical and invasive treatments, or to die young and pretty.

Luckily for you you are 38 - only 38! - so you have plenty of time to try and adjust your perspective and priorities to something more healthy and, frankly, less shallow. Are you healthy, strong, energetic? Do you have good mental health? A happy family? Friends, hobbies? These are the things to put your focus on, not your face. If you can have all the above, and still be sent into a tailspin by your face changing, you are very vulnerable - your self-esteem and your values are weak and will not survive any of the predictable or unexpected changes that are the price and the privilege of being alive.

just to add. Teeth whitening made a dramatic difference to me. I put it off but when I realised how much a filling cost, I decided not to put it off anylonger and get it done and enjoy it now.
I had stopped wearing any lipstick at all because it made the yellowness really show up and looked awful and I've got nice teeth otherwise. I also bought a water tooth thing.. amazon £20 and its brilliant for keeping your teeth extra clean. Wish I'd bought one years ago.
Its a joy to wear different colours again and I feel its "freshened up" my whole face.
Also.. dying my eyebrows. Huge effect. (under £10 for a kit that does about -5 or 8 goes)
I stopped getting highlights as I still have my natural colour and it suits my skin tone much better.

Vitamins and oil capsules have really helped with flakey dry skin and I've been using a Vitamin C drops thing which seem to be in all the shops now... and that really takes some of the dryness and redness out and skin feels much better ( some are very cheap and you could look out for black Friday deals)
So many suggestions on here to try. I hope you find some that work for you

I still see 70 and 80 year olds who look OK for their age and make the best of it so at 38 there is no need to panic.

Eh?

It happened to me also overnight. I literally looked at my face one morning and my face had dropped! It was shocking. I have Botox once a year in time for holiday… but really I’d like it again now..I love it esp for crows feet. I also get some jaw and chin filler when I can afford it. it’s great at taking away the saggy jowl effect. I’m not great on skincare tbh.. I moisturise if I can be bothered even though I wash my face thoroughly. So I’ll be keeping an eye on this thread for product recommendation. But yeah.. I hear you 😕

Do you have fruit smoothies by any chance? If so stop, it ruins teeth, they made mine go strange and discoloured. It went away when I realised it was the fruit smoothies. Worth getting your iron checked as well.

Hmmm it sounds like you’re doing everything “right” and unfortunately we need to accept aging is just part of life. Using any number of creams, or even Botox, is not going to stop you physically aging. I’m the same age as you and sometimes look in the mirror and wonder where my lines came from but it’s really, truly normal. You need to give yourself permission to age and be ok with it. I’d actually say it’s worth investing in some good make up that makes you feel good about yourself rather than obsessing about skincare and what you eat (anymore so than you do already).

Regarding the teeth, I’d seek out another opinion dentist wise as this is probably the only thing that needs targeted treatment.

I had this exact thing too - but I was 52. I still have periods though, so I think that's why it hit me later. I have photo's of me on my 50th birthday looking really nice, and yet by 52, I had jowls, saggy eyelids and eye bags.

I had surgery to fix it. Neck lift, face lift, upper and lower bleph, and I am now back to what I looked like before. I definitely don't look young, but I look middle aged without all the sagging.

I agree with PP though, that you should try to rule out an underlying condition.

You’ve got an outdoor job, so you must be healthy enough. Doesn’t sound unhappy with your body just your face so remove mirrors from your house. Have one look in the morning and that’s it and if you find it hard to stop looking at your face and examining in detail there’s your problem go back to your GP.

Is this the peel?

Sorry, I have been busy and come back to a lot of responses.

I just want to say NO I don't have dismorphia or and ED or depression - I have a face-specific issue which has arisen and is bothering me. I am not going to engage with any posts that tell me to get over it or get therapy or imply I am being vain. The fact that others have also experienced this confirms to me that its not just me. I am not 'obsessed' with my diet or my skincare, I have a basic skincare routine which I follow that includes one night of retinal and moisturiser and one night or ceramides/peptides and moisturiser, and SPF during the day, it is not obsessive or massive or whatever else people have implied.

Thank you to everyone who has suggested talking to my GP, I think I will. And to the person who said it could be related to the coil, that's a good point.

To everyone who has said they have experienced the same thing, I am really sorry, It's horrible, its like someone has taken over your face suddenly and its not pleasant, I really do think it is hormone-related from what I have read, as if being a woman wasn't a pain already!

I cannot believe some of the responses you are getting {mention:GoldSwan48}@GoldSwan48,
Implying that you have a ED or are mentally unwell. I'm sure you know your own face well enough to noticed such sudden changes.

Tell me about the tan drops please. Which do you use? Do you add to a regular moisturiser? Then when you wash your face it comes off?

What did she get done at the beautician on a weekly basis?

This is what I keep thinking, I feel like I am being belittled for caring about my own face! And I have posted this in Style and Beauty not AIBU? And maybe I was a bit hyperbolic in the OP but the change has been quite shocking, I just don't feel like me. A friend told me I looked 'really exhausted' recently so I don't think it is just my interpretation!

Peri menopause?
Perhaps hrt. I was still having periods but they changed from my usual.
I use collagen supplement daily from ancient and brave which seems to help

Yes that is what I am suspecting. I think I will contact my GP. I take a multivitamin but its just one from Boots, maybe I need something more specific

I'd really drop down your skin care, too many products can have an adverse effect. Are you under any stress, that can be incredibly aging. When my sister's first husband died she suddenly aged 10 years. Forward until today when she's remarried and has a less stressful job she doesn't look any older than she is.

You say you're not depressed but you don't always notice it in yourself.

I could cry to think of anyone referring to themselves as hideous . I had a phase ( and still in process) of feeling the same way. Had to rewrite my thinking overtime . Ageing is tough when you have high standards about yourself . How you think others perceive you . My teeth have betrayed me as I have aged it drives me crazy . I felt like giving up but I kept on going, sounds like you make all the right choices which is wonderful . Women are always criticising themselves when we need to self care so much more, I have learned to focus on other aspects of myself , I study, pray adjust my mindset . Even changed my friends which helped . It was painful but I am happier now. My husband was hard on me too, it's not easy . Focus on health, your strengths and how you care about yourself enough to be concerned . Don't give up and don't stop enjoying pretty things . Being a female is hard we go through so many changes, you are enough and entitled to enjoy life . Sending you love and encouragement from a fellow yellowtooth🫶