I am hideous and it's making me miserable

[GoldSwan48]

Hello,

Something really awful has happened to my face - I am guessing hormones. I am 38 and I look about 20 years older. My face has sagged, I have loads of deep wrinkles in my forehead and under my eyes as well as huge eye bags. It seems to have happened in a few weeks. I eat well, drink lots of water, take a multivitamin, use retinal (can't handle tret) and ceramides and peptides, moisturiser and factor 50 every day. Everything I use is from the high street, I can't afford expensive stuff and definitely can't afford going for facial treatments or botox. Thing is, its killing my confidence. I feel like I deserve to only walk around in huge baggy jumpers and stuff because my face is too ugly to wear my nice clothes. My teeth have also yellowed which is weird, my dentist said he wasn't sure why it had happened recently (don't drink coffee, tea, smoke or drink alcohol etc). I have no glow, I look terrible.

Is there anything that has boosted you? Given your skin a glow? Helped to whiten your teeth? I have tried to get those crest whitening strips from America but can't find anywhere as they're not legal here I don't think. I feel dirty and gross, even when I am clean and fresh. I feel like giving up on myself and I don't want to be in this position. I don't understand.

You can get Crest White Strips here, I've used them twice with no issues. My teeth aren't naturally yellow but I like to keep them looking as fresh as possible. 😁

www.hometeethwhitening.com

They aren't cheap but if you get a full box it's likely to be over £50 which means delivery is free. I've used the sensitive ones and one set that came with a blue activation light.

I think it can be a combination of things.

I (I’m 46) definitely noticed that I looked older one day last year. My face looked older, lines more noticeable, hair looked more lank. It hit me hard and I felt like I looked awful. Now on top of that, I have had periods of being obsessed with how ‘hideous’ I look. To the point that I think I maybe had body dysmorphia. In reflection the leap in aging brought on my feelings again. Add in menopause, dealing with children etc.
Also, it’s not a level playing field anymore. People are getting Botox etc and whilst perhaps you can tell and post a certain age it doesn’t work so well, the age you are, there will be people getting it who ‘look good’ and it’s not a fair fight. Skin care can’t beat Botox (maybe genetics can). So that can be a bit depressing, if you want it and can’t afford it.

I use Sarah Champan Facialift tool every morning and it does help with sagging and puffiness (I use it in a shower with an oil based face cleanser). I am also currently considering Nu Face which is supposed to be very effective.

You mentioned working outdoors and using SPF, but do you use something to protect your skin from cold & wind?

I know I've already said it but I think you need a combined mini pill, I suspect your coil is single hormone and it's not working for you. I was on a single hormone pill when I was going through the menopause (43 ish) I am now on the combined mini pill and I feel a lot better and look better, I take it instead of hrt as it doesn't agree with me. When I was going through the menopause I didn't recognise my reflection, I looked old and I felt like my face no longer belonged to me, it was horrible and I just wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

Yes I believe its is progesterone only. Okay I will ask them to talk through this.

And yes, that is exactly what I mean! Its like its not me in the mirror, I have lost the me-ness, all spark, I jut look....blah. I am glad you found something that has worked for you, I hope I do too!

I could be wrong but it's worth looking into. Yes, looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger is horrible. Maybe I'm just used to the 'new' me but I do think the change in hormones have helped. Things just seem better, skin a bit more supple, hair seems a bit fuller as I was losing a lot. It's worth a shot.

Booked an appointment for two weeks time!

Gosh you are so hard on yourself. Has something happened that made you re look at yourself?

Thank you to everyone who recommended I speak to the GP about hormones, I have made an appointment and will request bloods. Last time I had them done was a couple of years ago, I have re-looked at the results and some bits seem to be on the cusp of being under but I take a multivitamin so not sure I am actually deficient. We shall see.

Thank you to everyone who has been helpful/supportive.

How about changing your hair? Maybe a change of hair colour will brighten up your skin. Colour theory for clothes and hair does really seem to work. For example I am a "deep autumn" colour season and pastels and greys make me look washed out and tired, but deep colours like burgundy make my skin look brighter.

What else is happening in your life OP? Do you have a partner and/or children? A busy job? Ageing parents? Are you having to cope with any new stresses? Do you have enough time to yourself? How well do you sleep? Have you been dealing with stress for such a long time that you have become used to running on empty? In short, is there anything else happening that could be affecting your general sense of wellbeing? If not, I'd definitely go back to the doctor and ask him to run a full thyroid panel, including a thyroid antibodies test. It's likely he/she won't want to do this, but insist. Thyroid conditions are insidious and very overlooked and undertreated, but can really drag you down and make you look and feel like shit. I'd eliminate that first.

Hi @GoldSwan48

I could have almost posted this myself and had to have a little laugh, that just when I have been saying something, someone posts on here, which is part of what I love on here.

Well I am older than you, 40’s, 38 I looked great lol until I got pregnant, that’s another long story.

But I have noticed a big difference this year, so everyone must have their turning point, not the right phrase but you know what I mean.
I am fortunate I don’t have the bags under my eyes, but darkness and indentation which I only just saw a video about in the last day or so, on women either have one or the other as they age 🤦‍♀️
Anyway I have just continued on with my eye cream etc.
I don’t have money for fancy/expensive things either.
I am also trying to take care to not use too many products in that area, and stick with what I find works okay, and doesn’t make my eye area any worse!

I feel hormones probably have a big part to play. A couple of years ago I went on the pill and it really helped with symptoms I had.
But I feel that has probably worn out a bit and things are pushing through/other symptoms due to hormones and other things.

I have noticed, just going back to eyes. A drop in my eyes, had to laugh, as I was on TikTok live and that gives you a sort of natural filter unless you select something else.
And one guy commented ‘it looks like it’s been a hard week’ or day or whatever lol.

Friends say they can’t see it, and I look the same, but I don’t think so lol!

We are slightly opposite in that I don’t have the body to match the face, as I have always been told by women and men that I had a pretty face, so I’m like well lol if that starts to go, we really are in trouble 😄
Because I have been in the obese range for a very long time.
Managed to lose some weight but a lot more to go.

I see you mentioned the Crest strips, and some others have sent you in the right direction for those.
People do use them here, there is a lady on TikTok well known for her hygiene and home keeping videos, and she is all about keeping herself nice, Kaye Marie, you could take a look.
I think from memory she must be late 30’s/early 40’s.
Hopefully the strips will help.

Stick with the important basics, cleansing moisturiser, scrub etc.
Less screen time unless you already do that as I feel that makes my eyes worse.
As you are already using things with active ingredients in I don’t want to start suggesting lots of things.
Sometimes I feel there can be too much put on the skin with all these products containing so many of the suggested ingredients these days.
Not sure if you have tried anything with Saliycylic Acid in, or Glycolic Acid, as you can get lower strengths, in cleansers/pads/toners etc.
Salicyclic Acid I found can dry my skin a bit if I use it too much, but this is the CeraVe wash I have used for a long time now.
As a few years back, I still had horrid acne/spots on my cheeks and it cleared it up a treat.
Even the lady I have been to for years for my brows etc commented that it had improved.

But it’s anything that will remove/exfoliate to peel back any lines.

I have babbled on but hopefully offered some reassurance you are not the only one, and a few things to do.

I remember when I turned 35 I just stopped looking like "me", something left my face, a sparkle, a glow, an optimism, a sense of a hopeful future ? I do not know but I know it coincided with both my parents becoming terminally unwell, being constantly busy as a single mum and the sole provider for my child. Maybe stress stole my looks, (and I was good looking, it was the thing that people always commented on). I am way older now and I have tried to adapt with the changes that each decade brings, to focus on the inner me but always being well presented, clean and yes, never forget the perfume if that is your thing. I can identify with feeling "hideous" as there have been times I have looked in the mirrot and actually wept at the changes I see, and now I am really old there seems to be some fresh horror on a weekly basis. I am truly invisible now and live in the ghetto of old age but in some ways life is better as the pressure to try and fight the inevitable has left me. And while I do not decry what the OP is feeling, I have felt this myself, 38 is not old! but I understand that you want your former face back. Off to deep condition my hair, exfoliate my face and slap on a face mask.

The reason you can’t get them here is that they can damage your teeth, plus they can make them very sensitive.

crest Whitening strips- get them on Amazon. Cheap as chips and make a big difference.

Maybe get your hair done and some Botox?

Reasons why people responded thinking this is a mental health issue:

Thing is, its killing my confidence. I feel like I deserve to only walk around in huge baggy jumpers and stuff because my face is too ugly to wear my nice clothes.
Feeling as though you don’t deserve to look nice.

I feel dirty and gross, even when I am clean and fresh.
Dysmorphia, where what you feel is different from reality,

I feel like giving up on myself and I don't want to be in this position.
Feeling like giving up.

OP, I hope for your sake that this is just a normal response to a physical change, as your follow up suggests, but it is not unreasonable for people reading these things to be concerned it might be deeper than that.

Completely agree with this. The mental health concerns, from my perspective anyways, were in relation to these statements and the talk of not being deserving or giving up on yourself and like you'd be judged for wearing 'nice' clothing.

There's a very clear connection between how you feel about your appearance and your sense of self worth coming through in your posts and I don't think that's necessarily just vanity - everyone feels that way to an extent- but it is palpable from the way you've written here. If you are describing yourself as "ugly", "hideous", "gross", like you don't deserve to try to wear things you like or feeling paranoid about how others will judge you for wearing nice things (because in reality we know noone is actually thinking about that), then irregardless of ageing issues, your internal voice is seriously doing a number on you. And that's symptomatic of something going on with your mental health especially given that everything else you wrote suggests that you take very good care of yourself normally with diet and exercise and skincare etc. Something about that doesn't fit.

Your reaction to people suggesting depression or similar is also quite strong so I'm just going to say (because not everyone really does know) that if it was the case that your mental wellbeing is not as good as you'd want it to be, then there is absolutely zero shame in that.

Did anything bad happen? Illness (even flu), major stress?

Please don’t spiral. Sleep can be a major issue. Are you getting enough? Be kind to yourself. Sleep, hydration, gentle exercise, anything to lift your mood.

Yes i don’t know how i forgot to add stress in! Because it makes a huge difference, as I have experienced myself.