I am hideous and it's making me miserable

[GoldSwan48]

Hello,

Something really awful has happened to my face - I am guessing hormones. I am 38 and I look about 20 years older. My face has sagged, I have loads of deep wrinkles in my forehead and under my eyes as well as huge eye bags. It seems to have happened in a few weeks. I eat well, drink lots of water, take a multivitamin, use retinal (can't handle tret) and ceramides and peptides, moisturiser and factor 50 every day. Everything I use is from the high street, I can't afford expensive stuff and definitely can't afford going for facial treatments or botox. Thing is, its killing my confidence. I feel like I deserve to only walk around in huge baggy jumpers and stuff because my face is too ugly to wear my nice clothes. My teeth have also yellowed which is weird, my dentist said he wasn't sure why it had happened recently (don't drink coffee, tea, smoke or drink alcohol etc). I have no glow, I look terrible.

Is there anything that has boosted you? Given your skin a glow? Helped to whiten your teeth? I have tried to get those crest whitening strips from America but can't find anywhere as they're not legal here I don't think. I feel dirty and gross, even when I am clean and fresh. I feel like giving up on myself and I don't want to be in this position. I don't understand.

That's fair enough but how I Feel about myself is important to me and I want to try and figure out why this is happening and make some effort to change that. PEople seem to want to put me down and say 'jsut accept it and if you don't there is something wrong with you mentally' but I don't agree that is fair, something doesn't feel right about this shift, its been sudden and shocking I don't think I have liver failure etc, but I do think its hormonal.

OP Ive spent over forty years working in beauty.

Everyone can look better.
I was very ill at the beginning of the year, my face was grey. I've been using a Revlon glow primer (£13) and a pink bobbi brown powder (that's expensive but there's some on ebay).
Get yourself a lip pencil and make a firm lip line before you put on lipstick or gloss. You need cool shades if your teeth have gone yellow. Watch some of the whitening toothpastes they can give you mouth ulcers.
Blusher I'd recommend cream formulas. Again pinky, coral if you're golden skinned and dark eyes.

We do change as we age. I looked dreadful but had a vitamin B12 deficiency after my major op.
Salmon is my tip if you can eat it. I do twice a week and don't have facial lines.
Good luck. X

I agree with @Coffeeblanketandabookplz - tret and retinol are expensive and have no guarantee or immediate effect. Botox would be around £200 every 4 months and well worth it!

It's sad to read you feel like this especially at such a young age. Light has a lot to do with how we perceive ourselves in a mirror. Take for example the light & mirrors in a hairdressers. Most of them enlarge your head & face to help the hairdressers see their work. This results in perceived flaws exaggerated to the extreme. It can be the same with light & certain mirrors at home. Would you be comfortable with a fringe & a new make-up regime with perhaps a little extra blush. Im sure others would reassure you your thoughts are not what they see. Invest in an electric toothbrush to improve the look of your teeth. The best beauty treatment is a smile.😉

Do you see the hygienist regularly? I go twice a year (should be 4 times but I can't afford that) and use a whitening toothpaste as well.

But the sudden yellowing of the teeth and aging make it seem like something other than aging is going on.

There's no point with lotions and potions or botox until you've worked out what is going on. So I'd make an appointment with your GP and tell him what's happening

I do think this sounds like a hormonal shift, and I agree with everyone saying perhaps go back to the doctor and see if there any hormonal changes/thyroid/anaemia going on. In the UK, the level of iron that is considered fine is very very low, and you can be a good 15 points above and still classified as borderline anaemic by the WHO and I believe them! All my family (women) have been anaemic at one time or another, and taking iron every two days on an empty stomach in the morning (not with tea) and Vit C helps.

I was on the combined Pill til 52 and I had a very easy menopause compared with lots of my friends, many of whom were on HRT. I did not get on with HRT due to pre-existing endometriosis which was retriggering, so I stopped it and have gone fine on nothing since then.

It does sound like medically digging deeper might help. Also, if you are medically 'off' in some way, then it affects your energy and then your moods, it sounds like you can't lift yourself up mentally.

We all age and the late thirties and early forties are the worst I think as you still think you are young. Now I'm in my 50's I feel pleased I still look quite nice, and have a much lower standard! No surgery, no retinol/tret, bit of a saggy jaw, but I had my teeth straightened and I smile a lot.

I would want to absolutely rule out any other issues, which may not be thrown up by the doctor's basic blood test (look at the actual results of iron, look at thyroid issues) and if you are still worried, go back again.

I am absolutely sure that you don’t look that bad OP. As others have said there is a transition from looking young and perky to a bit older but it doesn’t mean that you can’t still look good.

I am 42, I don’t look ‘young’ because I’m not young but I do look a good 42 (at least I think so).

You don’t need anything expensive, I use a gua sha facial massager (fiver on Amazon and it has been brilliant), a caffeine eye cream and retinol serum (Inkey List less than a tenner). Remember a day cream with SPF.

Blow dry your hair, wear better fitting clothes and hold yourself up straight. Fake it until you make it and you will find your confidence again.

Oh and also get a good multi vitamin, specifically for woman. Made a huge difference to me.

No practical or medical advice from me but hopefully it’s helpful if I say that I totally get it. I had a few aging ‘leaps’ in my 30s that knocked me sideways. Now in my 40s I feel a lot better about things (although I probably look a lot worse haha).
I had one bit of easy advice which is get some lovely jewellery (could be just from Next or somewhere, doesn’t have to be £££). Dangly pearl earrings are great but choose lovely soft gold or silver bits that reflect the light and give you more glow. Clean blowdried hair will also help as well as soft knitwear and maybe a lovely bright lipstick. (Plus another visit to the GP!)

Have you tried any facial exercises?

Someone has mentioned a sudden drop IN estrogen can do this? I would go to the GP.

Is it with or without make up? Because shifts happen that mean make up needs to change.

Have you asked someone else if they have noticed anything different about you? I suspect the difference is there, but that it’s much subtler than you think.

In my younger years I had a little facial dysmorphia. Some days the face I saw in the mirror looked like a cartoon, criminal mugshot. I used to put make up on to avoid scaring children. It took work to realise it was the same face every day, but a different mindset.

This happened to me OP, I know how it feels. I let go of myself for a while, and thought, what’s the point? But I have now found that I’m a lot happier when I do put effort into my clothes and appearance. I recommend you do some people watching and get inspired by other women and see what they’re wearing and how they style themselves. Loads of older women still look really chic and stylish, despite any wrinkles they might have.
I do also think you’ll feel better about yourself if you whiten your teeth.

Same here OP, the year I turned 40. I'm not shallow, never been into my appearance that much but when your face suddenly changes and you suddenly look 20 years older, of course it will affect you.

I have all the same as you, minus the teeth yellowing, but with terrible hair thinning and greying. I used to have thick lovely hair, now it's all flat, falling out in handfuls, and with thick grey wirey ones on top. I hate it so much.

The top of my eyes is suddenly sagging too and my eyes don't open as much as they used to. I am guessing hormones, but it's the pits. I'm avoiding catching up with old friends I haven't seem for a while because I'm embarassed by my appearance.

It's even more frustrating because like you I exercise, eat healthily and do all the right things, and I think it is just shit luck.

You likely have to find the cause of this by getting bloods etc done but some practical things to make you feel/look better in the meantime:

Botox, yes it is expensive but most will only get it twice a year. Cheap spf and cheap foundation will do after that.
Crest white strips, go online to Amazon USA or Walgreens USA and get them delivered.
I’m not sure if you’ve mentioned your hair/nails but get a standing appointment for a blow dry and manicure every few weeks. It’ll not only make you look better but those self care hours here and there are amazing for mental health.
Get those outdoor steps in daily. It’ll clear your mind and hopefully get that healthy glow back.
You’ll be surprised how good you feel after all that and you’ll find everything else will come.

No one's going to judge you for wearing nice clothes. I know a few people who have aged faces but dress nicely, and why shouldn't they?

I’m 26 and ugly as sin. I’ve just accepted it and I’m living my life anyway.

I dont agree with everyone saying this is a mental health thing that requires councilling etc. Op knows her own face and her dentist has confirmed her teeth have significantly changed colour. The poor self esteem is coming from the sudden change in her face, its not in her head. Despite it being great to be a person who is able to accept aging and not care or wonder what other people think the reality is that a sudden change in appearance does effect some peoples self esteem massively and I dont think being told to get councilling is going to really change that. Hence why some of us dye our hair, wear makeup, try and dress nice, have our teeth whitened etc. Some people find it harder than others to feel comfortable with sudden aging and some people physically age better than others.

I’m willing to bet my mortgage that you don’t look anything like as bad as you think you do. I’m sure you look like a 38 year old woman. You aren’t going to look like you did when you were 20. We get older. You need to work on self confidence and accentuate your good points. It’s like when we are teens and we are self conscious and embarrassed and then you look back and think what was I worrying about. You’ll do the same in ten years time when you look at pictures of you now.

Do you use mouthwash? They will yellow your teeth.
And do you have smoothies, maybe with turmeric, or eat a lot of curry? Turmeric and other spices might stain teeth.
Try to buy big bags of frozen blueberries, these will make your teeth whiter.

Then, a daily carrot juice is a miracle for skin. Drink with a straw.

The teeth yellowing could be a metabolic problem, so have your GP run some basic blood tests of thyroid, diabetes etc. The powdered whitening packs sold in chemists for smokers teeth are good on non-smokers too. I use that as I drink a lot of tea and it stains. You have to leave it to sit on the enamel for a minute and done regularly, it does raise the shade. I also see a sadistic dental hygienist a few times per year to clean up my gums, and teeth. That affects shade, and I need it done as I have had oral tumours, and gum disease thanks to Ehlers Danlos syndrome. At 55 I have had enough visible surgery due to genetic conditions and injury to qualify as a cross between the Bride of Frankenstein and the chin yeti (thanks to polycystic ovaries and the menopause). I still get stopped by strangers and asked questions about the 15 inch scar on my neck, and the other one on the my hand. People stare at my clawed hand sometimes, but I got used to it as I learned to own my imperfections. People sometimes sneer at my manner of speech (affected by cancer treatment), but who cares what they think as I survived. Self acceptance is a good skill to learn. No one can love you like you, and it is a good place to start before trying to function in a modern world hinged on looks and buying the latest cosmetic invention to turn back the clock. In my younger years, I was quite the looker (allegedly) but age and disability have now taken over. I have decided not to care anymore, and it is a liberating place to arrive at. Planet 'do not care what I look like' gives my head free space to do other (more productive) stuff. I find a good multi-vitamin, and a decent haircut from someone who understands my mop is good for stopping me feeling sorry for myself in my occasional lapse of judgement. Social media and the TV puts constant pressure on women to keep up appearances, but if you look around yourself in the high street or supermarket then you will discover few have the time or inclination to go outdoors dressed up to the nines looking like a super model. So, don't be hard on yourself.

Try the ordinary products they are excellent and inexpensive but really all that will help is Botox, infrared mask and treatments. Try salyic acid, hydrologic acid. I’m 37 and don’t have what you’ve described I get Botox once or twice a year, use an infrared mask every night and the acids I listed above. Products don’t have to be expensive to work.

You’re putting too much shit on your face. Your skin is exhausted and suffocated. Leave it alone and get out into the autumn sun without your factor 50 on for a few weeks. I guarantee you’ll notice a difference. Whoever made us believe we need to slather 7 or 8 different products on our faces every day in the hope of creating marginal temporary improvements needs a slap on the head. If these things really did make a significant difference they’d be medical products and only available to qualified people. Look at it this way - is the skin on your arm any worse than the skin on your face? No. Do you feel the need to put lashings of potions on your arms every day? Also no.

Ditto avoiding the sun at all costs. Yes, we should protect our skin, but we don’t live in Greece and we’re not outside 24/7. A bit of sun now and again is great for our health.

@GoldSwan48 i had a major depressive episode at 39/40 and I felt exactly as you do if I made any sort of effort with clothes or make up. And despite my healthy diet and outdoor lifestyle. I didn’t realise I was depressed until I actually couldn’t function any more. I now believe that it was a sign of perimenopause (probably in conjunction with other triggers) but so far before they suggest we should be thinking about that, that I wasn’t!

I think more women get signs and symptoms of perimenopause long before 45, which is when they’ll take us seriously, because of all the friends, colleagues, and clients I have discussed it with, they have all had something odd or new or strange that they can’t explain, and all between 36 and 44, thinking they’re too young for the perimenopause. Menopause and women’s biology in general is so understudied that it still astonishes me that they will make these sweeping statements and deny women’s experiences of our own bodies just because we still have periods.

The coil is what’s recommended for the progesterone part of HRT, because unopposed oestrogen can cause issues with the endometrium. But I would ask your GP for an oestrodiol gel or other product to see if it helps. As far as I know it’s oestrogen that is lacking and causes so many issues. An anti depressant might also help (it might not).

Good luck.

I posted another answer that hasnt appeared but had another thought. Please accept this as a genuine question. Do you drink alcohol?Taken in excess it can have a dreadful effect on your face.