Page 11 | Is this ok to get married in?

thisdress1234 · 2023-08-18T18:19:18+00:00

What do you think of this dress? https://www.hobbs.com/product/scarlett-embroidered-dress/0223-5830-9045L00-NAVY-YELLOW.html Eloping so just two witnesses in a registry office. I'm 36 and size 10 and same skin shade as the model. I'm not a girly girl so pretty clueless however I have worn navy dresses in the past so know they suit me. Don't want anything too fancy but I do like this. Also it's on November so thought about a jacket like this? https://www.hobbs.com/product/elize-textured-jacket/0123-4505-9045L00-MIDNIGHT-NAVY.html What do you think? Or any other suggestions for a jacket maybe cheaper 😀 and shoes like the model has on seem ok. Thanks if you have any thoughts.

GCAcademic · 22/08/2023 09:28

NatashaDancing · 22/08/2023 08:53

Sorry I see it was GCAcademic who couldn't comprehend how anyone could wear a dress like this to a workplace or a work conference.

I'm guessing "GC" stands for "gender critical"- if it does, one might have hoped someone claiming to be "gender critical" might have moved on from the trope that a woman can't be clever whilst wearing a pretty dress.

I only ever wear dresses to work, of varying degrees of "prettiness". I've also worked in several sectors other than academia (publishing, museums, charity sector, insurance), where the dress code ranges from smart casual to business to boho. The OP's dress would simply seem try-hard and out of place in all those settings . At a push, I might wear it to a graduation ceremony, I suppose. I actually like the dress, it's just something I'd wear for a special occasion, not for work. It's a shame that posters have torn down something that the OP likes in their desperation to signal to everyone how fashion-forward and superior they are, with no consideration for what the OP has said her style and preferences are.

It's a shame that you can't move on from the trope that one has to be bitchy to be feminine.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 22/08/2023 09:33

RedDedRedemption · 21/08/2023 21:23

Have you RTFT?
OP doesn't particularly like the dress. Or the jacket for that matter.

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Took me ages to find the dress but I do really like it
I read this bit, did you?

NatashaDancing · 22/08/2023 09:45

GCAcademic · 22/08/2023 09:28

I only ever wear dresses to work, of varying degrees of "prettiness". I've also worked in several sectors other than academia (publishing, museums, charity sector, insurance), where the dress code ranges from smart casual to business to boho. The OP's dress would simply seem try-hard and out of place in all those settings . At a push, I might wear it to a graduation ceremony, I suppose. I actually like the dress, it's just something I'd wear for a special occasion, not for work. It's a shame that posters have torn down something that the OP likes in their desperation to signal to everyone how fashion-forward and superior they are, with no consideration for what the OP has said her style and preferences are.

It's a shame that you can't move on from the trope that one has to be bitchy to be feminine.

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I never use the word "bitch" or "bitchy" about another woman. I'm surprised a "gender critical" academic would.

You've been told that dress wouldn't look out of place in a work situation but you can't accept you aren't the sole arbiter of whether the dress could be worn in a workplace. To use an MN cliché no one would bat an eye lid in my office at someone wearing it.

It's a pretty dress - I've said so several times.

GCAcademic · 22/08/2023 09:47

NatashaDancing · 22/08/2023 09:45

I never use the word "bitch" or "bitchy" about another woman. I'm surprised a "gender critical" academic would.

You've been told that dress wouldn't look out of place in a work situation but you can't accept you aren't the sole arbiter of whether the dress could be worn in a workplace. To use an MN cliché no one would bat an eye lid in my office at someone wearing it.

It's a pretty dress - I've said so several times.

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Good for you. Go well.

Lentilweaver · 22/08/2023 10:35

What about this? Is it too old? It's not fancy or girly. Either in green or ivory. And at least it is not polyester. Reiss Giana High Neck Draped Midi Dress - REISS

Reiss Giana High Neck Draped Midi Dress - REISS

Shop for Reiss Giana High Neck Draped Midi Dress online at REISS

https://www.reiss.com/style/st733638/BK7313#BK7313

CapaciousHag · 22/08/2023 10:46

It's a shame that posters have torn down something that the OP likes in their desperation to signal to everyone how fashion-forward and superior they are,

This is a frankly ridiculous comment. What possible benefit could there be, on an anonymous forum, in ‘signalling superiority’?

I take part in S&B threads because I’m interested in clothes and enjoy talking about clothes. Wedding clothes are a pleasant thing to think about - particularly so when other parts of one’s life are troubling or problematic. Every thread is an opportunity for a wider discussion - I certainly haven’t assumed my musings on other options necessarily refer directly to the OP. (In my mind I always imagine there might be other people, reading but not posting, who share my own tastes and might see something they like.)

It’s a discussion amongst strangers. None of us are her mother or the groom telling her to her face what we think of her choice, for good or ill. Nothing said here need influence her in any way - but she has invited opinions by starting a thread on a public forum. I’m puzzled that you think only one opinion is acceptable here.

LuluBlakey1 · 22/08/2023 12:05

thisdress1234 · 18/08/2023 19:38

Thanks I'm not keen on the jacket either or the price the website suggested it

Any ideas on sort of cardigan

Yes, can't wait. I'm not into fuss and can't stand the thought of all eyes on me/us. So should be a good day!

I agree- dress is lovely. Jacket is awful- very matronly.

CallItLoneliness · 22/08/2023 14:45

RedDedRedemption · 22/08/2023 08:38

First of all if you are a teacher or academic you don't work in an 'office'.
Secondly, if you're an academnic (which I highly doubt, as university students don't ask their academic staff personal questions like that. They are not children) it's really sad that you need to not 'dress prettily' in order to relate to students.

I'm in a highly technical IT role, of the old fashioned kind. Yes, I can even manage physical hardware and set up a server from scratch, network, cabling. I make damn sure that I'm as feminine as possible and when people have assumed that I am not the technical lead they have been very firmly put in their place.

What kind of message are you giving out... that girly clothes don't belong there?

I can see people asking where you're going if they're all male or generally wear boring clothes but really. That dress is fine in the corporate world. Fair enough if your colleagues ask but 'relate to students' is pure bollocks.

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Are you hard of reading? I never said my students would ask me where I was going, but my colleagues likely would.

I also didn't say I don't wear feminine clothesI doskirts, and florals, and dresses regularly.

I also don't think you know academia as well as I know the corporate world, having worked in both--I can assure you that academics have offices, and work in an office.

I don't think any of this matters to you though, because I think you are one of those women in tech who thinks her success is dependent on making other women smaller...I've met a lot of people like you, and the behaviour is neither stylish nor beautiful.

CallItLoneliness · 22/08/2023 15:20

CapaciousHag · 22/08/2023 07:28

I teach a STEM subject, and connection with my students is really important; I need to dress in a way that feels relatable to them. Dresses are ok, but I would never wear an embroidered dress like that to teach in, because it would feel like I was from a different planet.

Goodness. I hear what you’re saying, @CallItLoneliness, but wonder if that means contemporary students think science only applies to people they find ‘relatable’. Are they not going out into the world to contend with global issues? Will they refuse to apply their skills and knowledge with equal dedication and empathy to people who don’t look and dress exactly as they do?

Haha, I assure you I don't dress as they dothe men are all in jeans and many of the women are in joggers! I agree with you that they need to relate to a variety of people in the world of work, and there is a bunch of pedagogy around this at my uni. I am also teaching in an area that is right on the boundary between STEM and HASS, so teaching that kind of content and ethos is part of my role. I figure setting the example of someone who has crossed that boundarybut is still at least a bit like them is one of the ways I can show them how this stuff works.

CallItLoneliness · 22/08/2023 15:20

argh, my double dashes always cause strikeout :(

RitaStairs · 22/08/2023 15:52

RedDedRedemption · 22/08/2023 08:38

First of all if you are a teacher or academic you don't work in an 'office'.
Secondly, if you're an academnic (which I highly doubt, as university students don't ask their academic staff personal questions like that. They are not children) it's really sad that you need to not 'dress prettily' in order to relate to students.

I'm in a highly technical IT role, of the old fashioned kind. Yes, I can even manage physical hardware and set up a server from scratch, network, cabling. I make damn sure that I'm as feminine as possible and when people have assumed that I am not the technical lead they have been very firmly put in their place.

What kind of message are you giving out... that girly clothes don't belong there?

I can see people asking where you're going if they're all male or generally wear boring clothes but really. That dress is fine in the corporate world. Fair enough if your colleagues ask but 'relate to students' is pure bollocks.

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I agree. Relating to your students is zilch to do with wearing a dress.

I've worked in the City and now I teach metalworking skills to all kind of people. Barring safety issues, I can't think of many work environments that dress wouldn't be suitable for.

When I'm teaching, if someone isn't 'connecting' with me, it's not to do with my outfit.

NatashaDancing · 22/08/2023 17:29

CallItLoneliness · 22/08/2023 14:45

Are you hard of reading? I never said my students would ask me where I was going, but my colleagues likely would.

I also didn't say I don't wear feminine clothesI doskirts, and florals, and dresses regularly.

I also don't think you know academia as well as I know the corporate world, having worked in both--I can assure you that academics have offices, and work in an office.

I don't think any of this matters to you though, because I think you are one of those women in tech who thinks her success is dependent on making other women smaller...I've met a lot of people like you, and the behaviour is neither stylish nor beautiful.

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To quote yourself " are you hard of reading"?

What you said was "if I showed up to work in it people would ask me where I was going after work"

You said nothing whatsoever about whether the "people" were students or colleagues.

You seem to think you're the only person on here with any experience of academe or the corporate world. You aren't - and that dress would barely merit anything beyond "nice dress"

Nochoiceleft · 22/08/2023 19:55

It’s such a shame that on a lovely thread about a wedding dress people have decided just to argue amongst themselves.

@thisdress1234 I am gettIng married in a registry office next year. I have just started looking for my dress 😄 I hope you have an absolutely lovely day.

CapaciousHag · 22/08/2023 20:04

Are you our mother, @Nochoiceleft?

Leave people to enjoy themselves in their own way!

RedDedRedemption · 22/08/2023 21:36

Crikeyisthatthetime · 22/08/2023 09:33

Took me ages to find the dress but I do really like it
I read this bit, did you?

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Oops sorry!
That was for the jacket. I stand corrected

RedDedRedemption · 22/08/2023 21:43

CallItLoneliness · 22/08/2023 14:45

Are you hard of reading? I never said my students would ask me where I was going, but my colleagues likely would.

I also didn't say I don't wear feminine clothesI doskirts, and florals, and dresses regularly.

I also don't think you know academia as well as I know the corporate world, having worked in both--I can assure you that academics have offices, and work in an office.

I don't think any of this matters to you though, because I think you are one of those women in tech who thinks her success is dependent on making other women smaller...I've met a lot of people like you, and the behaviour is neither stylish nor beautiful.

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Well you were the one who mentioned 'relating to students'. Also I don't see how people commenting on going out = work inappropriate. Plenty of people go out after work and deliberately wear something suitable for both so they don't have to change.

Also I thought it was obvious that 'office' meant 'corporate', which was more of PP but you chose to reply citing PP username. That dress would be perfectly fine in those kind of environments.

Anyway other posters have also called you out :) so my work here is done

RedDedRedemption · 22/08/2023 21:44

Nochoiceleft · 22/08/2023 19:55

It’s such a shame that on a lovely thread about a wedding dress people have decided just to argue amongst themselves.

@thisdress1234 I am gettIng married in a registry office next year. I have just started looking for my dress 😄 I hope you have an absolutely lovely day.

Yes sorry OP, you know what we're like. Nest of vipers.
Anyway whatever dress you choose congratulations, and enjoy your day!

Crikeyisthatthetime · 22/08/2023 23:19

No worries @RedDedRedemption it happens. But I'm not getting into the whole jacket/bolero/pashmina quagmire or OP will never get her thread back 😉
If you're still there OP, hope you've enjoyed the detours. Have a fabulous time.

CallItLoneliness · 23/08/2023 06:11

NatashaDancing · 22/08/2023 17:29

To quote yourself " are you hard of reading"?

What you said was "if I showed up to work in it people would ask me where I was going after work"

You said nothing whatsoever about whether the "people" were students or colleagues.

You seem to think you're the only person on here with any experience of academe or the corporate world. You aren't - and that dress would barely merit anything beyond "nice dress"

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Wow. I was accused of lying about my profession, and you think I am the person being rude. Interesting.

Also, just because that particular dress would not merit anything beyond 'nice dress' in your institution and discipline doesn't mean it is true for everyone. All of this attempt to make it just a nice dress is really unpleasant to the OP, who, like me, considers it a dressy dress, and something to get married in. For her it is dressy, as it is for me. That doesn't make us wrong, just different.

OP, as I said originally, you will look lovely in the dress. Wear it and feel beautiful.

RedDedRedemption · 23/08/2023 08:39

CallItLoneliness · 23/08/2023 06:11

Wow. I was accused of lying about my profession, and you think I am the person being rude. Interesting.

Also, just because that particular dress would not merit anything beyond 'nice dress' in your institution and discipline doesn't mean it is true for everyone. All of this attempt to make it just a nice dress is really unpleasant to the OP, who, like me, considers it a dressy dress, and something to get married in. For her it is dressy, as it is for me. That doesn't make us wrong, just different.

OP, as I said originally, you will look lovely in the dress. Wear it and feel beautiful.

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But you can wear a dressy dress to work. That's the point PP was making.
I don't think OP considering it something to get married in is relevant either. It's a registry office wedding, people can wear whatever they like. Even a casual summer dress if that's what they wanted.

OP asked for opinions. You don't need to 'defend' her. Most people have also said. It's her wedding wear what she wants BUT in their opinion there are better dresses. And she is grateful and thanks us all for the input. She seems to be less bothered about it than you are. Who knows she might choose the same, or find something else but it's up to her.

Thanks OP! You are fabu!

LindaDawn · 23/08/2023 08:48

Just a thought but I don’t think you need to spend £199 on this dress. Feel sure there will be similar dresses at a much lower price. Think you could find something that is probably more you. I was always told not to wear something that isn’t your usual style or ‘me’.

NatashaDancing · 23/08/2023 11:36

CallItLoneliness · 23/08/2023 06:11

Wow. I was accused of lying about my profession, and you think I am the person being rude. Interesting.

Also, just because that particular dress would not merit anything beyond 'nice dress' in your institution and discipline doesn't mean it is true for everyone. All of this attempt to make it just a nice dress is really unpleasant to the OP, who, like me, considers it a dressy dress, and something to get married in. For her it is dressy, as it is for me. That doesn't make us wrong, just different.

OP, as I said originally, you will look lovely in the dress. Wear it and feel beautiful.

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Perhaps you could apologise to RedDedRedemption for the "hard of reading" comment ?

You clearly suffer from the same problem. You referred to "people" not students asking why you might be dressed up. RedDedRedemption* * assumed students are people. You then waded in and changed the definition of "people"

crowisland · 23/08/2023 18:24

While it's a nice dress, there's nothing that says 'wedding' instead of 'office' about it. Why not wear something that marks the day as different? An interesting jump suit? People I know who have deliberately dressed down for their weddings to make a point, regretted it later. It might only happen once...

Blueink · 23/08/2023 18:49

I actually really like the jacket and think it makes the dress fit for purpose, but can see you changed your mind on that.

The dress on its own is quite casual. If you want to wear dress without a jacket, would suggest to find something with a sleeve.

Ultimately to wear something you feel good in though. Congratulations OP!

MollsDolls · 24/08/2023 15:57

First of all Congratulations OP. I hope you have a very happy wedding day and am sure no matter what you will look gorgeous.

Personally I do think the dress is very old. I am 50 and it would be something I would expect my DH Great Granny to wear but it's each to their own. Just think of how you may feel looking at your wedding pics afterwards. Also just because it's Nov doesn't mean you have to go dark. You can still have bright colours if you so wish.

But no matter what as long as you are happy then whatever you decide on will be perfect. Happy choosing.