Aibu upset sil wore at our wedding

[Monkeynuts57]

We recently got married and we have just got our photos back and I felt upset and annoyed at what sil wore to our wedding and I thought it was odd but prepared to be told if I Abu , even though personally it’s not what I would choose for a wedding. it was cream basically same colour as my dress I feel upset and all photos will remind me of this.
I have attached a link of similar but not exactly the same outfit

https://m-uk.cupshe.com/products/romance-bow-one-shoulder-jumpsuit?gbraid=0AAAAABWndwb4E-ZBgd2rr4zFLwKsJ97QT&gclid=Cj0KCQjwmZejBhC_ARIsAGhCqncAdTT5MhokrQRyxiDNKHE2JbioCsaJs0hz4MFqyO60mag9C0evdEQaAqUEEALw_wcB&utm_campaign=UK-PMAX-Jumpsuits-20220921&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_term=%7B17157404823%7D_%7B%7D&variant=42306334949567

Posters keep referring to “rules” - where do posters think these come from?

Well the whole wedding is about performing a tradition so presumably the “rules” aka customs come down through your family.

And where do the families get them from? If they were just family rules surely every families would have very different rules? (Or none).

Photoshop her out of the pictures. You probably won't have a picture with her in it on a wall or sideboard anyway. The ones in an album can be showed to whoever you decide.
My sister had a sister in law cropped out of every picture as she wore a white low cut dress and no bra is very well endowed. It was shocking tbh. Her photographer filled her empty space with foliage.

Families teach their children the rules of the society they’re in.
There have also been women’s magazines and books of etiquette for a long time.
What do you think?

Depends on your photography package - but if the photos bother you, you could ask the photographer to tint her jumpsuit so that it didn't stand out so much. Should be a relatively easy fix if you keep it still fairly pale, just not white or ivory!

I like it too but she shouldn’t have worn it to your wedding.

It’s a bridal style jumpsuit, designed for brides who don’t want to wear a dress, or maybe for a maid of honour or older bridesmaid. That’s why the model is holding a rose.

Your sister in law is an idiot.

Her photographer filled her empty space with foliage.

😂

What the??? They actually photoshopped a member of the family out of every photo because she wore a dress they didn’t like and happened to have big boobs?

The world is mad.

OP just her a break. This is really just awful behaviour over the colour of an outfit. I’m quite sure everyone there knew you were the bride.

@Daisypain Op has already said she’s over it. However the “awful behaviour” lies with SIL . It’s not about being the bride, it’s about making it about herself - oh look at me in my edgy ,off white, not conforming jumpsuit.

Anyway wearing white is a relativity new concept. Before women just wore their best dress. Clearly the rule was needed when everyone had way less clothes.

tryandtryagain photoshopping a member of the family out of photos is truly awful. Is it the grooms sister? If so this is someone who has shared childhood memories that can be passed on to children,even if it's brothers wife this woman will likely share future birthdays, Christmas's . Do you seriously not see how family relationships are more important than a dress? A wedding day, is about sharing joy with people you love not wondering if someone was trying to make the day about them. The photos are to remember the day you pledged to love another human for life and the people who support you in that. How would you feel if your sister had erased you from a significant life event because of the size of your boobs spoiling her picture. Your sister sounds like a horrible human being.

Sorry the should be sunglassesonthetable who has the awful sister

No she wasn't the grooms sister. She was the fiancé of his brother. They have now split up and he has a baby with another partner. She was a attention seeking cow and not a very nice person. Unlike my sister who is wonderful in many ways but thank you for your input
Photoshop is there to be used. We used it.

Sorry the should be sunglassesonthetable who has the awful sister@larry520

Nope not me. 😉
I was just laughing about foliage instead of an 'imposing' guest.

Where does the rule that white is for virgins come from?

I think it's more shocking that they photoshopped her out!

White to symbolise purity generally dates back at least to the Romans. Queen Victoria started the trend for white wedding dresses (supposedly to support the lace industry, though I don't know if this is actually true).

I don't think it was ever an absolute rule that only virgins should wear white but, until very recently - and even now in some churches - divorcées could not remarry in church if their ex was still alive, and a second wedding was typically more low-key as divorce was regarded as shameful (my grandmother got excommunicated for being divorced!).

I think it’s great that people who are deliberately trying to draw attention to themselves and make a public dig at a bride can have their behaviour removed from the permanent record of the event.

The idea of just changing the colour of the outfit for the photos is probably less controversial than replacing them with foliage though.

I have obviously been living under a rock as I only found out last year that it's a faux pa's to wear white to a wedding!! Fortunately I never wear white anywhere (because I drink too much red wine....) but maybe she genuinely didn't know this too?

She definitely didnt upstage you, don't let this spoil your memory of a wonderful day.

All the white-virginity thing is a red herring. Until Victoria made white fashionable - wealthy brides wore whatever they liked and poorer brides simply wore their best dress.

What I think is that I’ve been to many society weddings including minor eurotrash royals and it’s not really a thing. The general rule is don’t wear something you could be mistaken for the bride or bridal party. For white tie and tiara weddings, for which the dress code is long, you’d avoid white or cream because in a long white dress you could genuinely be mistaken for the bride. I posted a pic of Princess Kate M&H’s wedding in a cream suit. I could post other examples.

It’s a thing MN thinks is a thing therefore it becomes a thing.

I don’t think it’s a thing mumsnet thinks. I think it’s more likely a thing that is accepted in some strata’s of the population that it isn’t noticed in others (like loosening/removing your tie if you take off your jacket etc). It must be fairly well known because several people explained to me on my wedding day that the woman who turned up in white was Canadian and there it’s expected that you wear white.

Which is fine, but then don’t claim it’s a “rule”. I think it’s more of a fad personally.

The one thing is a total no no for me in terms of wedding “rules” is asking people to pay: guests to pay for drinks, bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, guests and family members to pay for expensive rooms in hotels as part of a wedding package. If there is one rule of weddings you cannot break it’s that. But MN wouldn’t agree - people charge left right and centre.

@Mirabai , well the jumpsuit is full length so doesn’t that make it dodgy whatever the dress code? I think subsections of society can have their own rules and this one is too longstanding and widespread to be a fad.
I agree you should not charge guests for anything. I also find any instructions about what to wear (beyond something standard such as ‘black tie’) irritating. I mean things like ‘pastels’ or whatever.
In the past, I suppose some women just wore their existing Sunday best, but I think many behaved more as men do now: new clothes but reusable. At least one of my grandmothers wore a suit in the 1930s. I don’t think my other grandmother wore white either - I think she wore a suit but I’m not sure (and they don’t appear to have been shotgun weddings).
White being only for virgins sounds like a catty 1950s idea not a proper rule.

I think it's just common courtesy to steer away from whites/creams at a wedding to allow the bride to stand out (just incase she isn't wearing a huge dress!) no one wants to feel as though they've been upstaged or even tried on a day meant for the couple. I know some feel it's blending but personally I think it's a little tasteless.