Style & Beauty
Is this dress appropriate for a wedding?
hippygirllucky · 13/03/2023 08:45
My brother is getting married soon. My soon to be SIL has always been a bit distant from us and doesn't really want to get involved in any family things, which we're fine with, not everyone is the same.
They're getting married soon and she's not quite a bridezilla, but he's VERY particular about every detail. Again, fine. It's her wedding (and my brother's).
She seems particularly distant to my mum, who tries her hardest with her but she just doesn't respond. My mother is a lovely woman, the kindest soul and I know it breaks her that my SIL won't even try with her, but I think my poor soon to be SIL is so painfully shy and awkward, she's just chosen to not engage with us (they've been together 10 years).
Again, all fine. We know the deal.
My mum just showed me the dress she's planning to wear to their wedding and I was a bit shocked. I thought it was common knowledge that you NEVER wear white to a wedding. I don't think it's on purpose, but I don't think my mum has picked an appropriate dress (especially given the cold relationship with SIL!).
What do you think? Is this dress too white? I can't help but think it's particularly important given how frosty things are with the bride!
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:11
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 09:03
@ganvough if the SIL was shy and awkward she wouldn't be behaving like the bridezilla she is because it is very attention seeking behaviour.
Op has said she's "painfully shy and awkward".
Given OP and family aren't close to or in contact with the bride, how exactly do they know SHE'S the bridezilla or what she even wants?
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:20
Op, this is the sort of dress I'm looking at for my wedding. So if your mum was stood next to me in photos, her dress would look very very similar to mine.
www.johnlewis.com/reiss-eleni-cap-sleeve-dress-white/p109881607
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 20/03/2023 09:30
Ha ha! Your brother and SIL sound like a right pair of stupid cunts. So precious. They’re the only people who give a shit about the wedding, for everyone else it’s a slightly inconvenient piss up, while frocked up.
I bet they’re the exact sort of people who if they have their own kid, will expect the world to do exactly as they demand for it.
I’m antagonistic as a person, so I’d have a lovely time winding them up and laughing at them in the run up to the wedding. 😌
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 09:34
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:11
Op has said she's "painfully shy and awkward".
Given OP and family aren't close to or in contact with the bride, how exactly do they know SHE'S the bridezilla or what she even wants?
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 09:03
@ganvough if the SIL was shy and awkward she wouldn't be behaving like the bridezilla she is because it is very attention seeking behaviour.
Good point @ganvough. I'm not thinking straight this morning.
hippygirllucky · 20/03/2023 10:03
In answer to the person who asked how we know it's her making these demands, my brother asks on a group chat "SIL wants to know.." he probably could be more delicate :p she never talks to us directly (she's also on the same group chat)...
I should have said OF COURSE we will take DD out if she's kicking off, crying or fussing, I take her outside of cafes and restaurants if she's beginning to fuss until I can calm her down, and they aren't even silent! But she's really into pointing and saying her version of "look!" At the moment and in a conversation with DB, he said he didn't want her making noise because it would ruin the wedding video... but they also want her up front, throwing flowers as the flower girl. So me scooping her up and walking out (which will no doubt cause a bit of a tantrum if she's busy getting excited at looking at things) isn't going to be subtle. I'm thinking we may just have to sit in the hallway outside just in case because I just cannot be bothered with the fight that having her in the room is going to inevitably cause.
StatisticallyChallenged · 20/03/2023 11:34
hippygirllucky · 20/03/2023 10:03
In answer to the person who asked how we know it's her making these demands, my brother asks on a group chat "SIL wants to know.." he probably could be more delicate :p she never talks to us directly (she's also on the same group chat)...
I should have said OF COURSE we will take DD out if she's kicking off, crying or fussing, I take her outside of cafes and restaurants if she's beginning to fuss until I can calm her down, and they aren't even silent! But she's really into pointing and saying her version of "look!" At the moment and in a conversation with DB, he said he didn't want her making noise because it would ruin the wedding video... but they also want her up front, throwing flowers as the flower girl. So me scooping her up and walking out (which will no doubt cause a bit of a tantrum if she's busy getting excited at looking at things) isn't going to be subtle. I'm thinking we may just have to sit in the hallway outside just in case because I just cannot be bothered with the fight that having her in the room is going to inevitably cause.
Yeah, you can't demand a small kid be upfront and visible whilst simultaneously demanding their parent keeps them quiet. She's not a performing seal.
It's the risk you take having small kids in a wedding party. They might perform, they might go off piste but still manage to be cute, or they might be little gits.
I think I'd be pulling her out of being flower girl.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 13:36
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:20
Op, this is the sort of dress I'm looking at for my wedding. So if your mum was stood next to me in photos, her dress would look very very similar to mine.
www.johnlewis.com/reiss-eleni-cap-sleeve-dress-white/p109881607
The dress OP's mother was looking at is nothing like that beyond generally the same shape.
No one could look at 2 women standing together, one wearing your dress and another wearing the OP's mother's dress and be in the slightest doubt who the bride is.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 13:38
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:09
And what does a wedding dress look like? Have you seen more modern wedding dresses - they're not poufy lacy meringues with long trains. I'm getting married later this year and am looking at dresses very similar to this style, without a pattern.
In sunlight that pattern will not show as red. The dress will look white in photos esp ones taken from a distance like a group photo. If there's a dress code for weddings in the first place, it's unreasonable think long, flowy, mostly white is acceptable attire when there's a million different colour combinations out there.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 09:02
That dress will look white in photos. The pattern is far too muted and subtle to stand out and the white will be accentuated in sunlight and photos. Is there really no other colour that suits your mum other than white?? Long, white and flowy is pretty close to bridal wear...
That is nonsense. The dress is covered in red flowers. It looks nothing like a wedding dress.
There are photos of the dress. It's covered in red flowers.
ganvough · 20/03/2023 14:33
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 13:38
There are photos of the dress. It's covered in red flowers.
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:09
And what does a wedding dress look like? Have you seen more modern wedding dresses - they're not poufy lacy meringues with long trains. I'm getting married later this year and am looking at dresses very similar to this style, without a pattern.
In sunlight that pattern will not show as red. The dress will look white in photos esp ones taken from a distance like a group photo. If there's a dress code for weddings in the first place, it's unreasonable think long, flowy, mostly white is acceptable attire when there's a million different colour combinations out there.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 09:02
That dress will look white in photos. The pattern is far too muted and subtle to stand out and the white will be accentuated in sunlight and photos. Is there really no other colour that suits your mum other than white?? Long, white and flowy is pretty close to bridal wear...
That is nonsense. The dress is covered in red flowers. It looks nothing like a wedding dress.
The question OP asked if whether the dress is appropriate for a wedding. I have explained my point quite a few times now but will repeat it.
The flowers on that dress are too small and subtle to show up as brightly as you think they will IN PHOTOS. The dress will look a LOT whiter in the photos than red and white. You know how there is special make up people wear for the camera as some colours/foundations/lipsticks can look washed out on film/in sunlight/with a flash/with sunscreen etc, it's not dissimilar with clothing. Even a blue and white narrow striped shirt can look white in photos. If you're a regular guest, maybe it doesn't matter so much as you won't be in many photos, mother of the groom it does, as she will be.
That's why as a principal, any type of white dress, even printed isn't a good idea for a wedding, particularly if it's long and flowy too. It's not more complicated than that, and I find it hard to believe that any guest could only find a white patterned dress that suited them for a wedding. I personally hope the SIL realises how much aggro and stress this wedding is, and insists on an elopement with just OP's brother. I can bet the MIL wouldn't be happy with that either...
hippygirllucky · 20/03/2023 15:04
@RampantIvy I do think they want to be married, they are a good little unit. DB couldn't really care less what the wedding is like but SIL has a (very lovely, from the looks of it!) circle of friends who are all/all have gotten married recently and it's all very pinterest. I do think there's an element of "who can have the most spectacular wedding!" Competition in her friendship group, and of course, they're all each other's bridesmaids (and I'm one of hers... the dumpy SIL that I'm pretty much 100% sure she didn't want to invite 😂). All the drama put aside, I am really looking forward to it but I think in SILs efforts to make things perfect she has gone a little OTT. But I'm sure it will be fantastic.
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 15:05
I find it incredibly depressing that weddings are more about the photos/videos than the marriage itself.
I couldn't have cared less who wore what at my wedding. I just wanted marry my husband, and we are still married nearly 42 years later.
Any bridezilla who thinks the photos are more important needs to give her head a wobble.
Maireas · 20/03/2023 15:25
I agree with you, @RampantIvy - I think we're of similar vintage! Most weddings aren't about family and friends celebrating any more - that's why there are elaborate and expensive hen dos, insta worthy food and those ridiculous evening dos for second tier guests. This seems to be a case in point, and already people are getting upset.
I don't think it'll be "fantastic" if it looks good, but people don't have a good time.
ganvough · 20/03/2023 15:31
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 15:05
I find it incredibly depressing that weddings are more about the photos/videos than the marriage itself.
I couldn't have cared less who wore what at my wedding. I just wanted marry my husband, and we are still married nearly 42 years later.
Any bridezilla who thinks the photos are more important needs to give her head a wobble.
Well given the MIL is spending a lot of money on the wedding and no doubt the photographer and her own outfit - I think she too cares about what these photos look like eh.
Mummyoflittledragon · 20/03/2023 15:41
ganvough · 20/03/2023 14:53
The dress in the centre is the same dress MIL wants to wear. See the difference in lighting and how much whiter it looks? Now imagine it outdoors in sunshine in a group photo - it will look even whiter.
Yes, I get what you’re saying. It’s a bit like the thousands of words, which have been discussed for Catherine wearing a lemon outfit, which appeared cream to in the photos to H&M’s wedding. If your sil is very Pinterest driven, she’s possibly thinking along these lines whereas your mum isn’t. And I also think it’s rather casual for a very formal wedding. Your mum should wear it with a denim jacket for brunches and buy another outfit.
I think I would talk to your mum in these terms... Her ds only gets married once (hopefully) and the last thing she wants to do is alienate the couple. If your sil is shy already and they have kids in the future, you know how these things go. Access to grandchildren is a privilege, not a right. It would be silly for your mum to put herself at odds to your sil just for a dress… even if your sil is being a bit unreasonable.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 15:43
ganvough · 20/03/2023 14:53
The dress in the centre is the same dress MIL wants to wear. See the difference in lighting and how much whiter it looks? Now imagine it outdoors in sunshine in a group photo - it will look even whiter.
I think one would have to be extremely precious to care. It's not a white dress.
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