Is this dress appropriate for a wedding?

[hippygirllucky]

My brother is getting married soon. My soon to be SIL has always been a bit distant from us and doesn't really want to get involved in any family things, which we're fine with, not everyone is the same.

They're getting married soon and she's not quite a bridezilla, but he's VERY particular about every detail. Again, fine. It's her wedding (and my brother's).

She seems particularly distant to my mum, who tries her hardest with her but she just doesn't respond. My mother is a lovely woman, the kindest soul and I know it breaks her that my SIL won't even try with her, but I think my poor soon to be SIL is so painfully shy and awkward, she's just chosen to not engage with us (they've been together 10 years).

Again, all fine. We know the deal.

My mum just showed me the dress she's planning to wear to their wedding and I was a bit shocked. I thought it was common knowledge that you NEVER wear white to a wedding. I don't think it's on purpose, but I don't think my mum has picked an appropriate dress (especially given the cold relationship with SIL!).

What do you think? Is this dress too white? I can't help but think it's particularly important given how frosty things are with the bride!

[Lcb123]

If the brides being picky I’d ask her. I knew what my mother and MIL were wearing to mine. Personally I’d go for a bright colour - it’s not very nice dress on my opinion…

[SummaLuvin]

@Silverstreaks

What a shame. It's a pretty summer dress, looks fresh and stylish.

Is she expecting your mother to be trussed up in a thick dress, coat and hat combo?

I presume the bride was expecting her to not be in a predominately white dress. Brother & SIL are handling this badly and could/should have approached it better, but the OP herself doubted if it was appropriate which is why this thread was created in the first place.

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I don’t think the whiteness is the issue more that it’s not really formal enough for a MOG to wear. It would be okay to wear going to someone’s wedding as a work colleague imo

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Your poor mum. What a nasty Mother’s Day ‘gift’. I also do think it’s perhaps a bit young for an older woman, not that we know your mum’s age. And not traditionally MOG.

Is it the colour or is it because it’s too informal? I think that dress would look great paired with a denim jacket rather than a formal jacket. So maybe something a little more traditional? Your mum can google mother of the bride / groom outfits.

[VictorStrand]

Tbh in the middle of organising a wedding, it must be annoying that an adult is asking about dresses. There are websites devoted to advice about what MOGs 'should' wear. Your DM should just have followed your instinct and switched it for something more colourful and traditional.
I'm starting to feel sorry for your SIL.

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

Just read your update. Is your FSIL upset because it is too white or because the dress isn’t formal enough? (Or both?)

I don’t get the not bothering people thing. My FMIL FaceTimed me from the shop when she was buying her outfit to check I thought it was okay!

[MissingMoominMamma]

Hit the roof? You were right to tell them to chill out. I hope they calm down and realise what arseholes they’re being.

Tbh, I’d probably not bother going if I were your mum- it sounds like an awful relationship anyway.

My DIL (to be) would tell me that I would look pretty in anything I wanted to wear, but that’s because she’s a great, grounded person. Equally, she will be the loveliest bride ever!!

[faffadoodledo]

What do these relatives do when there's a real crisis?! Crikey your poor Mum.
I broke all the rules when DS got married. I wore red and black! Did anyone care? Nope!

[Rinkydinkydoodle]

When you zoom closer it’s really not a bridal fabric at all, it’s a perfect guest dress actually, think SIL is lookin for reasons…

[JenniferBarkley]

Why did SIL hit the roof?

Is it the bridal thing or the style of the dress? Where I'm from the mothers of the bride and groom dress much more formally than that, and that dress may be seen as not making an effort.

Not that that excuses SIL of course.

Hope you have plenty of wine in OP, or your indulgence of choice, sounds like you're going to need it.

[Whiskeypowers]

Not a mother of the groom dress imo something for a young slim guest in their twenties or thirties

[Tangelo]

So much ageism on here! There’s nothing about this dress that makes it unsuitable for an older woman (if indeed rules about what you wear at what point in your life even exist) — it’s a simple, floral summer frock.

My mum wore something not dissimilar when I got married, though the print was blue. It suited her, was a pretty dress, and reflected her usual style. Standard mother of the bride/groom stuff with matching coats and dresses can be ghastly, and why would you want your mum trussed up in a weird costume for the day if it’s not something she’d normally wear?

The whole of this wedding sounds stressful OP - but I’d say at this point I would let the bride ask about outfits rather than check in with her again. Just focus on making your mum feel brilliant in her new outfit and if SIL wants to get involved, she can take the initiative to do so. I can’t stand people who feel the should have a veto but do none of the communicating or legwork to merit it. (Or indeed brides who want to comment on anyone else’s clothing choices ffs)

[Rainbowqueeen]

Oh dear.

Id remind DB and SIL that your mum is trying really hard to do the right thing as otherwise she would not have shown them so perhaps they could take that into account and be kinder.

Then offer to take your mum on a girly shopping trip with a lovely lunch and find her something gorgeous (with no white in it whatsoever).

[faffadoodledo]

Agree @Tangelo
Slim, fit still natural brown haired 57 year old Mother in Law here. I'd look great in that dress! Been to plenty of weddings with far less fit twenty somethings.

[quietnightmare]

Of all the colours to choose from and she's chosen this seems a bit silly. She knows your soon to be SIL has an attitude so why poor the bear

[Travelationjubilation]

It’s a fabulous elegant dress and not at all the informal for mother of the groom. It’s exactly what I would wear if my son was getting married with a big wide fat headband, gorgeous handbag and strappy sandals.

the fact that your SIL hit the roof is a reflection on her, not on the perfectly appropriate dress.

[Travelationjubilation]

@JenniferBarkley

Why did SIL hit the roof?

Is it the bridal thing or the style of the dress? Where I'm from the mothers of the bride and groom dress much more formally than that, and that dress may be seen as not making an effort.

Not that that excuses SIL of course.

Hope you have plenty of wine in OP, or your indulgence of choice, sounds like you're going to need it.

Why would that not be making an effort, it’s elegant and classy.

[emmaw1405]

For those asking where it is from annelouiseboutique.com/collections/dresses/products/red-windsor-dress

They did it in a blue and yellow print last year as well. It's a lovely dress, I've got a version of it in black satin.

[JenniferBarkley]

@Travelationjubilation

Why would that not be making an effort, it’s elegant and classy.

Where I'm from, the mothers dress up more than the normal guests, just like the bridesmaids do. The mothers typically wear a dressy jacket or coat and often a hat. If you think of the look worn at royal weddings it's similar to that (cheaper obviously 😁). That dress would be much more casual than most mothers of the bride or groom.

[faffadoodledo]

Over my dead body was I wearing a pencil dress and bolero with a jaunty hat!

[LlynTegid]

I think its appropriate, both colour and having these almost extinct thing on a dress called sleeves. I don't agree with SILs view.

[gogohmm]

It's very much patterned. White is fine with a dominant pattern

[gogohmm]

Why does the mother of the groom have to wear a special type of dress anyway? I'd wear that dress with a jacket (I hate hats with a passion)

[DisforDarkChocolate]

From the picture it looks like a white 'lace' dress with a nude layer underneath. It may be misleading @hippygirllucky but that was my first thought.

I've been a mother of the groom and wouldn't have picked this unless my DIL suggested something similar.

[Enthrallingstoryofstillnessandlight]

I think it's lovely, OTOH your SIL sounds like a total nightmare