Style & Beauty
Is this dress appropriate for a wedding?
hippygirllucky · 13/03/2023 08:45
My brother is getting married soon. My soon to be SIL has always been a bit distant from us and doesn't really want to get involved in any family things, which we're fine with, not everyone is the same.
They're getting married soon and she's not quite a bridezilla, but he's VERY particular about every detail. Again, fine. It's her wedding (and my brother's).
She seems particularly distant to my mum, who tries her hardest with her but she just doesn't respond. My mother is a lovely woman, the kindest soul and I know it breaks her that my SIL won't even try with her, but I think my poor soon to be SIL is so painfully shy and awkward, she's just chosen to not engage with us (they've been together 10 years).
Again, all fine. We know the deal.
My mum just showed me the dress she's planning to wear to their wedding and I was a bit shocked. I thought it was common knowledge that you NEVER wear white to a wedding. I don't think it's on purpose, but I don't think my mum has picked an appropriate dress (especially given the cold relationship with SIL!).
What do you think? Is this dress too white? I can't help but think it's particularly important given how frosty things are with the bride!
Travelationjubilation · 19/03/2023 14:28
JenniferBarkley · 19/03/2023 11:11
Where I'm from, the mothers dress up more than the normal guests, just like the bridesmaids do. The mothers typically wear a dressy jacket or coat and often a hat. If you think of the look worn at royal weddings it's similar to that (cheaper obviously 😁). That dress would be much more casual than most mothers of the bride or groom.
Travelationjubilation · 19/03/2023 11:00
Why would that not be making an effort, it’s elegant and classy.
JenniferBarkley · 19/03/2023 10:09
Why did SIL hit the roof?
Is it the bridal thing or the style of the dress? Where I'm from the mothers of the bride and groom dress much more formally than that, and that dress may be seen as not making an effort.
Not that that excuses SIL of course.
Hope you have plenty of wine in OP, or your indulgence of choice, sounds like you're going to need it.
That sounds hideous. If you’re in your 50’s when your child gets married last thing you want to do is look like your own grandma
houseofcardss · 19/03/2023 14:43
I love the dress and would be suitable. People wear white at weddings atleast the ones I've been to anyway. Your sil sounds very nice (not). Your mum can carry your sil on her back and bend over backwards to please her but with some people, no matter what you do you can't ever please them. Biggest mistake is sending the picture in the first place. Your mum doesn't owe her an approval and shouldn't walk on eggshells to please her.
LookingOldTheseDays · 19/03/2023 14:47
The dress is borderline because (depending on the light etc.) it could look a bit like white lace on a nude background, which reads as bridal.
However, with the right accessories (maybe a red bag, plus a strong coloured hat?) it could work well. I would definitely go for more brightly coloured accessories though.
deltapips · 19/03/2023 15:24
Is the dress white with a pattern on it, or lacy with a cut out pattern?
Whatever it is I agree that no one will mistake your mum for the bride so your SIL is being ridiculous.
Years ago I had a friend who wore a pure white trouser suit to the wedding of her DPs close friend. She was incredulous that it had been commented on. I then saw the group photo she was in (4 couples incl the bride and groom as the men were all school friends). There she was at the front looking more bridal than the bloody bride 
AlltheFs · 19/03/2023 21:15
hippygirllucky · 19/03/2023 07:18
Update: mother showed dress to my brother, who showed it to soon to be SIL, who absolutely hit the roof. Poor mother is very upset because she took ages picking it and is upset because she never meant to offend anyone. Brother and SIL are angry at me for telling them to chill out over a dress, because no one is going to mistake mother for the bride.
It's all gone to hell. And all before 7am on a Sunday.
I’d be telling them to shove their wedding up their arse and not go.
This is exactly why we didn’t invite anyone to our wedding. People get on my tits.
QuietlyConfident · 19/03/2023 23:37
If she'd just turned up in it wrapped in a fuschia pashmina and fascinator (or whatever) or even sent a photo of herself to DS/DDILTB fully styled up with colourful accessories as Wedding Guest, then it would probably have been fine. But it's too late now. Hope she kept the receipt.
hippygirllucky · 20/03/2023 06:28
Another update: my parents are also paying for half of this wedding! I know that doesn't mean they can do whatever they like but I have tried to remind my brother to have more respect and not bite the hand that feeds him. He's now saying he'll give back the half my parents have given (tens of thousnads) as long as she doesn't wear that dress. My brother is seriously thinking of sacrificing tens of thousands of pounds of generosity to keep future SIL happy over a silly dress.
I despair. I should also add that I have a 1 year old DD. My brother messaged me the other day to ask "so SIL wants to know how you're going to keep DD quiet during the ceremony". I said I'd try but babies make noise and I really can't guarantee it. (DH did comment "they want us to tape her mouth shut or something?!). He then said I'd have to leave with her if she made any noise. I did tell him that it's super rude to tell a parents effectively to "shut that kid up" and said if he didn't want children making noise then maybe don't invite children but somehow I'm still the arsehole..
RampantIvy · 20/03/2023 07:58
He then said I'd have to leave with her if she made any noise.
TBH that isn't an unreasonable request, but everything else is. Your brother is bhaving like a spoilt arsehole. Has he always been like this or is it since he met his bridezilla?
It is just one day FGS.
Maybe to keep the peace your mum could wear something else, but she needs to not show it to the bridezilla beforehand. After all she will be part of the family whether you like it or not, so there is no point in alienating them.
StatisticallyChallenged · 20/03/2023 08:05
There's ways to phrase that request without sounding like a rude arsehole, but he missed it spectacularly! I went to a wedding with an 8 week old, she started whingeing, I immediately stepped out so she didn't cause a disturbance. Think that's fairly normal
However combined with the reaction to your mum's dress it's clear they've gone bride and groom - zilla.
I actually don't love the dress for a MOTG. If the wedding it costing 40k+ then it's probably going to be pretty big and fancy and I think a soft summery ditsy floral dress is just too casual for a mother of the bride or groom in that setting. With colourful accessories for a more country barn type wedding it would be fine, but it sounds like that's not the kind of wedding this is.
But the way they handled it is totally inappropriate. A pleasant "it's a pretty dress but I think it's probably a bit too informal, MOTB is wearing something like X" would have been much better.
Maireas · 20/03/2023 08:18
I don't particularly like the dress, but it's not bridal. However, I suspect whatever your Mum chooses won't be right, and those problems won't go away.
I'm a bit more sympathetic about the noisy baby, but I'm surely you'll take them out if they get a bit loud.
ganvough · 20/03/2023 08:53
You're obv not fine with your SIL not having a connection with your family or you wouldn't have mentioned it so many times..
That dress will look white in photos. The pattern is far too muted and subtle to stand out and the white will be accentuated in sunlight and photos. Is there really no other colour that suits your mum other than white?? Long, white and flowy is pretty close to bridal wear...
Also are you really thinking it's ok to have a baby scream through the ceremony without a parent removing them when it happens? All you needed to say was that if baby cried, you or DH would walk outside with them so the bride and groom could take their vows together without the distraction.
You value your parents money, did it occur to you that maybe your brother and his wife do not? Not everyone wants a big expensive wedding - and if your SIL is shy/awkward in general - maybe she's only doing it to appease your brother/family. Would your mother have been happy if they'd decided to elope with no wedding? If she wouldn't that money isn't as selfless as you make out, because they are getting a wedding off the back of it.
SIL seems to be getting a lot of blame even though your brother is also getting married/having a say.
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 09:02
That dress will look white in photos. The pattern is far too muted and subtle to stand out and the white will be accentuated in sunlight and photos. Is there really no other colour that suits your mum other than white?? Long, white and flowy is pretty close to bridal wear...
That is nonsense. The dress is covered in red flowers. It looks nothing like a wedding dress.
ganvough · 20/03/2023 09:09
NatashaDancing · 20/03/2023 09:02
That dress will look white in photos. The pattern is far too muted and subtle to stand out and the white will be accentuated in sunlight and photos. Is there really no other colour that suits your mum other than white?? Long, white and flowy is pretty close to bridal wear...
That is nonsense. The dress is covered in red flowers. It looks nothing like a wedding dress.
And what does a wedding dress look like? Have you seen more modern wedding dresses - they're not poufy lacy meringues with long trains. I'm getting married later this year and am looking at dresses very similar to this style, without a pattern.
In sunlight that pattern will not show as red. The dress will look white in photos esp ones taken from a distance like a group photo. If there's a dress code for weddings in the first place, it's unreasonable think long, flowy, mostly white is acceptable attire when there's a million different colour combinations out there.
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