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What do lesbians wear to weddings?

154 replies

Pluvia · 02/08/2022 20:52

Enquiring on behalf of a lesbian friend who's doing my head in. In three weeks time she's attending a formal traditional wedding where most women will be doing the frock and fascinator number.

She's 5'1" and a size 6-8. She's very androgynous looking and won't wear a skirt or heels. Very pale skin and white-blonde hair in a pixie cut. She doesn't do wide trousers, patterns, animal prints, pussy bows or anything that hints at girliness. Likes fitted and sharp. She will wear pink and bright colours. The plan was to find a sharp ankle-grazing suit and wear a plain whit t-shirt and tennis shoes with it.

I'd thought that Hobbes or Whistles or any number of other places would have a neat little fitted trouser suit, or Chanel-style jacket, which she'd look fab in, but they only seem to do them in black, grey and navy for workwear. The current fashion is for long, wide-cut jackets. She's tried a couple in the high street stores and even their petite sizes drown her.

Any thoughts? Max budget is £200.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 02/08/2022 22:50

BEAM123 · 02/08/2022 22:47

I came on this thread all excited thinking I might find ideas about what to wear to my own lesbian wedding. Disappointing!! I hate clothes shopping at the best of times, don't think I've ever found my style. After 2 weeks on Google I'm almost ready to skip getting married just so I can avoid having to find an outfit. All that comes up on searches is Chinese shops with dodgy trustpilot reviews!

Oh, please do your own thread! I love a wedding. And congratulations in advance!

JaneJeffer · 02/08/2022 22:50

What do you have in mind @BEAM123 ?

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 02/08/2022 22:51

Could you elaborate on what exactly a "butch lesbian" is?

Ah come on now.

Pluvia · 02/08/2022 22:52

BEAM123 · 02/08/2022 22:47

I came on this thread all excited thinking I might find ideas about what to wear to my own lesbian wedding. Disappointing!! I hate clothes shopping at the best of times, don't think I've ever found my style. After 2 weeks on Google I'm almost ready to skip getting married just so I can avoid having to find an outfit. All that comes up on searches is Chinese shops with dodgy trustpilot reviews!

I think the reason that several of my friends have had weddings where they've asked people to come as their secret selves or whatever (one was on a boat and we were asked to be piratical) is to avoid the awful dilemma of how straight to play it. I wish you luck and assure you that some of us, at least, understand that it can be really complicated for lesbians in particular to find their big day style.

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Pluvia · 02/08/2022 23:01

SarahAndQuack · 02/08/2022 22:49

I know, right?!

Not the same, but there's a careers advisor in my field who does posts about what to wear for (eg) interviews, or your first big client meeting, and she did a specific post about adapting it for butch lesbians (her partner is a butch lesbian). And I found it eye-opening how many people acted as if it was a huge imposition for her to do that - goodness, your butch lesbian partner should just figure it out on her own, or fall in with the proper ladylike women! How dare she want to dress up and look her best, just like anyone else?

That's so true. The word ladylike is key, isn't it. My DM spent her entire life wondering why I couldn't be more ladylike...

OP posts:
JasmineVioletRose · 02/08/2022 23:01

megapint · 02/08/2022 21:17

I asked my colleague & her wife. They suggested assless chaps & a black leather cap

😂

SarahAndQuack · 02/08/2022 23:03

titchy · 02/08/2022 21:57

You've had some great suggestions from others, and I'm not exactly sartorially inclined so cannot offer anything further on that front.

But the post has raised hackles because the implication is that a) lesbians are the only women that live in jeans and DMs, and b) straight women wear dresses and heels to weddings and do so effortlessly.

Sorry, but she really didn't imply that. She explained in the OP why her friend needed something particular, and she expanded on that in the thread. She also pointed out that at this specific wedding most of the other women would be wearing dresses. She didn't say that was what all women, everywhere, do.

You seem to think that the only reason the OP would specify her friend's sexuality would be because the OP thinks lesbians can only wear certain things. Isn't it more likely she mentions it because her friend wants to look attractive, and that might be a different look for a lesbian than for a straight woman? It's not just about 'jeans and DMs'.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 02/08/2022 23:05

A suit if that's what she wants. It's a wedding not a prison.

SarahAndQuack · 02/08/2022 23:06

Pluvia · 02/08/2022 23:01

That's so true. The word ladylike is key, isn't it. My DM spent her entire life wondering why I couldn't be more ladylike...

Grin Absolutely! I am disgustingly ladylike (honestly), but DP has spent all of her life being told off for not being up to scratch. I think there's a particular difficulty in that casual butch clothes are much easier than formal, so often you end up going for casual, and it makes it seem you're being inappropriately informal, rather than just struggling to find a good formal option.

JasmineVioletRose · 02/08/2022 23:07

Loving these velvet ones:

http://www.clubforty.co.uk/festive-trouser-suits/

Pluvia · 02/08/2022 23:07

justforthisnow · 02/08/2022 21:27

This is hilarious and so bold Grin

It actually strikes me as a bit homophobic, but there you go.

OP posts:
germsandcoffee · 02/08/2022 23:08

Obviously they wear rainbow colours and doc martens 🤣

Fiddlersgreen · 02/08/2022 23:14

knackeredagain · 02/08/2022 22:12

This suit is fab and comes in every size from 4 up. It’s about right for budget. She’d need a shirt/tie/shoes too, but wouldn’t look out of place, I don’t think. It’s ideal for a wedding.

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1247709669/blue-3-piece-womens-tweed-suit

This is gorgeous. My friend wore something very similar to this to my wedding, she’s not a lesbian but I’ve never seen her in a skirt or dress so this was perfect for her style

iilikerustyspooons · 02/08/2022 23:16
Grin
What do lesbians wear to weddings?
easyday · 02/08/2022 23:29

My cousin wore a fabulous silk trouser suit to my wedding. Not a lesbian...

TheBatwoman · 02/08/2022 23:35

Some of the suit ideas posted here are lovely.

It can be difficult being expected to conform all the time. I hope that your friend had managed to find an option that she feels comfortable in.

GiantSpaceHamster · 02/08/2022 23:47

knackeredagain · 02/08/2022 22:12

This suit is fab and comes in every size from 4 up. It’s about right for budget. She’d need a shirt/tie/shoes too, but wouldn’t look out of place, I don’t think. It’s ideal for a wedding.

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1247709669/blue-3-piece-womens-tweed-suit

This looks fabulous.

Pluvia · 02/08/2022 23:58

iilikerustyspooons · 02/08/2022 23:16

Grin

I'm sure I'll be attending a Gentleman Jack lesbian wedding before long.

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