things that just don't work for you..

[HeavyHeidi]

Ordered another pleated midi skirt. In the ad and my imagination one would wear it with a simple plain t-shirt or blouse and it would make you look classic, elegant, have this summer in the city vibe.

In reality - Russian babushka with an arse the size of a small country.
It's always like that and every 6 months and so I will still order another, just to try if things have changed. They will not have changed.

Do others have stuff that just doesn't work as advertised?

The loose fitting slick style maxi dresses- I’m small and petite but they make me look either huge or like I’m dressing up in my mums clothes
I see lots of women in them looking amazing!

I also love checked A line dresses but they make me look like an extra from little house on the Prairie

Yep, pleated skirts. I think they only suit tall, thin model types. Buttons blouses and dresses tend not to work for me because I have large boobs and they always gape. Sleeveless garments don’t suit me because, at 63, I have saggy, wrinkled arms. I still wear them when it’s hot though. I am a great believer in wearing what I like!

Any kind of cottagecore dress. I look like a slutty tavern wench in them.

cropped trousers, they make me look stumpy legged. I’ve not got particularly short legs but crop trousers make it look as though I have

🤣 Love this!

Hats. There is no hat that doesn't make me look like Worzel Gummidge. Yes, I have tried them all.

😂I'm crying at these and disturbing the cat as I chuckle away.

@mumsnet I nominate for Classics.

I'm another one who looks like a Dalek if I wear a pleated midi-skirt. Either that or Mrs Trunchbull.

I do have long/slim legs though, so can wear shorts, coulottes and jeans or trousers, thank god.

The problems come with my top half though - imagine a prop forward - that's me.

I have massive boobs, back, arms and shoulders so anything puffed and frilly makes me look like Dave dressed up as Widow Twankey in the Christmas panto. Batwing tops make me look like a fridge. I also have massive feet so in Converse, I look like Coco the Clown.

I recently bought a white linen midi shirt dress and felt cool and stylish when i wore it to an event recently. Walking back with a friend, I caught sight of my reflection in the hotel revolving door and wondered why a nurse was taking a patient into the hotel.

My low point was my niece’s wedding. I decided to have my hair in a semi up-do, with curly bits. I also wore heels. Neither of these are my usual style, by a looong way.

Unfortunately, my entire family are a few inches shorter than me, and so in heels I absolutely loomed over everyone. In fucking ringlets.

The photos are horrendous. I look like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast, after he had his makeover

Me, in the wedding photos, which are everywhere in my family’s houses…

I have a couple of pleated midi skirts- and thought them sheer and floaty, but after reading this I think I am going to be trying them on tonight and putting them in the charity bag.
My bane is wide leg trousers and I made the mistake once of saying to my husband "do these suit trousers make my legs look like a womble"
Now if I even pick up something like that there is a chorus of " remember, member, member what a womble, womble womble you are!"

I have a very soft face, blonde wavy hair, big blue eyes. Whenever any stylist sees me, they declare me a 'soft romantic' and somesuch and put me in lacy flowing dresses and skirts.

But will I look like an airy fairy ethereal delicate woman, frolicking in a meadow with flowers in my hair and sun rising on the background? No, I have a strong muscular build so I look like Gudrun the Viking Queen, about to destroy your village.

@HeavyHeidi 🤣 I'm exactly the same. Blonde hair, blue eyes, big smile but built like an olympic shot-putter.

The MN favourite of dresses and trainers is ridiculous on me. It looks clumpy, my feet appear massive and I'm sure folk think I'm hiding a hideous foot disease.

I'm laughing so hard at these. We're all so different. Things that look good on me:

White
Frills
Puff sleeves
Floaty things
Pattern
Red/ bright coral lipstick
Jeans
Peplum (I have one top, but always get compliments)
Wide trousers
Wrap dresses
Dungarees
Camel coats

BUT I'm never that confident as I'm carrying weight these last few years -a smallish size 14. This thread has made me see really clearly that I'm lucky as I'm really in proportion, 5' 5, Mrs Average, and that even if other women have height/are slimmer/ flat belly/ fabulous legs (my ultimate desire!), they have so many other things they may need to worry about.

Brilliant thread. Thanks MN.

PS I look totally shit in black/ green/ browns/ beige/ cream/ shorts/ any shirt/ dress with a collar/ pleats and NEVER learn!

Well, I think you both sound cool and gorgeous in your Viking-ness!

Strapless tops or dresses that sit just above the bust. I have very broad shoulders and a very narrow waist. I look absolutely ridiculous - like' I've been half-inflated

I think pleated skirts are the most frump-making things. Even the most svelte of arses end up looking 6 feet wide.

Pleats only work when the pleat kicks in halfway down the skirt.

Frills and flounces. Anything pink or cute. I am just not a cute person.

I can do lean, well groomed, tidy, even chic but I've never managed glamorous or sexy.

Giggling at so many of these; thanks all for the laughs (and the perfect descriptions of so many that are the same for me!)

I’m an overweight hourglass and short waisted to boot, so a skirt and tucked top or belted dress makes me look like the love child of Matron and a sack of spuds. (Bonus points if the top is elbow length; instantly makes my boobs matronly)

My dad once told me I looked like a welder in my ‘boiler suit’ (lovely jumpsuit that immediately went back).

I bought a nice chambray summer dress once, that lovely indigo denim colour. Comfortable, lightweight, effortless, easy to chuck on with sandals etc. My man took one look and said ‘’Gloriavale’ 😑

(if you don’t know, it’s a Christian community in NZ; tbh most of the frilly floral dresses around just now also edge into Brethren type territory for me too).

Yes - I tried a very fashionable centre parting a couple of years ago. I tried it with all my hair slicked down into a low pony tail. I looked so sad. Like genuinely sad. Like I was about to cry.

So I tried the very fashionable couple of loose curls to frame my face (like attached picture). They, sadly, did nothing more than direct the viewers' eye immediately to my scream lines.

So I gave up and went back to fringe but spiced it up by going short (like the attached picture). DP told me I look like I spend my weekends at CND rallies, which I was pretty happy with TBH.

Heels, just so uncomfortable to walk anywhere in and not practical.

KStockHERO your hair sounds bangin'. My H's favourite hairstyle of mine had a short, blunt fringe- he used to call me Joan of Arc, or wee Joanie. Chuffed.

Joan of Arc 😂

I am 5ft 6, long limmed big boobed (fake) and athletic physique.

Bikinis look good but cut out costumes look awful

Hoodies make me look huge and anything loose fitting makes me look huge

Thanks @HerTableLaid

@KStockHERO crying with laughter at 'half inflated' - I know exactly what you mean. I look like I'm permanently breathing in.