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Original poster

Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

158 replies

TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 12:59

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

OP posts:
selfieelf · 14/05/2021 09:14

I was amazed by how you handled yourself in that thread. I would have been absolutely devastated. Even if I had strong suspicions you were a man (I didn't) I wouldn't have voiced them as the potential damage to you if I were wrong would outweigh the need to call you out.

Even if you were a man, there was nothing pervy or indulgent about your posts or photos so what would it matter?!

Enjoy your lunch plans. And enjoy showing off those fabulous legs!

selfieelf · 14/05/2021 09:15

I appreciate why you wouldn't but I'd love for you to post a face pic and shut them all up!

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 14/05/2021 10:20

Thanks again everyone, I’m pleased that the net result of it all gave a consensus that women can come in all shapes and sizes!

@selfieelf I’m not going to post a picture of my face! I was deliberating about whether I should bother with any additional photos, but perhaps I will couple it with a thinly veneered stealth boast. Here is a pic of me more casual with (yet another!) new pair of boots. I’ve included a pic of the sole so it can be fact checked that I have size 5 feet! In all my manly ways, I also get paid like a man so can afford to wear Jimmy Choos on the school run!

Btw - what do I need to spray these with the protect against the rain?

Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?
Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?
OP posts:
selfieelf · 14/05/2021 10:43

@TheFaceProject haha love the stealth boast!!

No I didn't expect you to post a face picture, I'd just have liked to shut the haters up!

HeadNorth · 14/05/2021 10:50

In all my manly ways, I also get paid like a man so can afford to wear Jimmy Choos on the school run!

Love it Grin

grapewine · 14/05/2021 11:01

OP, you sound awesome and dealt with all this brilliantly. I didn't see the first thread. But good on you for coming back to question it. Enjoy your lunch!

MindTheBumps · 14/05/2021 11:02

Oh wow, I didn't see the first thread and from the comments on this I am shocked to see the pictures.

How is anyone getting man from that figure. You look amazing wether and your legs are very shapely! Those calves are enviable.

I was expecting to see Dwayne Johnson proportions or something!

grapewine · 14/05/2021 11:02

In all my manly ways, I also get paid like a man so can afford to wear Jimmy Choos on the school run!

Ha! 😁

goldielockdown2 · 14/05/2021 11:10

Ah, now I've seen these pics (I wasn't on the first thread), I can safely say some would be jealous! Could explain a lot.
You're also awesome.

Puntastic · 14/05/2021 11:21

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

Well I don’t know exactly why they think the OP is a man

But if they think for whatever reason that the OP is a man they won’t change their mind just because the OP says so

It happens on all sorts of threads for all sorts of reasons

I’m far from dainty 😀

But would it matter if she were? That's what gets me.
ArabellaScott · 14/05/2021 11:35

Why would it matter?

Because sadly there are males who seek out female reactions for sexual kicks and validation, and it's unfair to coerce women into unknowingly participating in someone's fantasy.

MNHQ do their best to keep their boards free of fetishists, and sadly as a female space MN is a target. No woman wants to be taken for a ride by a deluded male looking for kicks/validation, and women are very sensitive to men trying to hoodwink them.

The Op's thread seems to have fallen victim to this. Of course it's a shame if a woman gets unfairly judged because of this - it's a sad fact of life that people on the internet present themselves as things they are not.

FWIW, OP, I don't like the frocks, I don't think they do anything for you. The jeans look totally fine for a lunch date.

Puntastic · 14/05/2021 11:53

Because sadly there are males who seek out female reactions for sexual kicks and validation, and it's unfair to coerce women into unknowingly participating in someone's fantasy.

That's a bit of a reach. All posters had to say was which they preferred, that none suited or, if they didn't want to comment, not comment. If they thought it was a troll (despite how bizarre that would be) they should have reported it to Mumsnet. There's no excuse for witch (or wizard)-hunts.

ArabellaScott · 14/05/2021 12:01

Well, I wasn't making any connections with the OP. Just explaining why women may be unhappy at a male making this kind of post, and why MN might delete that kind of post.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/05/2021 12:10

Amazing pic OP, I cannot see why anyone would accuse you of being a man.Shock Saying that some posters here are so obsessed with TW that they shoe horn it into everything.Hmm Even a What Should I Wear? thread on S&B.

CovidCorvid · 14/05/2021 12:19

Didn't see the original thread but it sounds shocking. Some people should be ashamed.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 14/05/2021 13:01

Having seen your pic OP I think the people who accused you of being a man must need their eyes testing.

Dear lord. Jealousy is really unattractive!

murbblurb · 14/05/2021 13:04

Some posters have assumed I am male - too much science talked, maybe? No one knows and MN certainly don't know. Even if your email address uses a female name, that's no proof.

AlfonsoTheTerrible · 14/05/2021 13:23

I didn't see the original thread, OP. I think you have a lovely, slim figure.

There is waterproofing spray that you can buy for leather and suede. I don't use any so can't recommend anything.

Not sure what the dresses you originally had in mind were but my suggestion would be to avoid ruffles at the top as you have a rather triangular shape and lots of busy-ness at the top might might you look top-heavy. What said, you can get away with anything with your figure!

What did you decide to buy?

Frequency · 14/05/2021 13:24

OP,

You're tiny. I was expecting a muscular crossfit/body builder type figure. Awesome arms though. I'm jealous.

UniBallEye · 14/05/2021 13:25

@ArabellaScott, that's a fairly far fetched theory imo.
And a couple of things - so what is the OP WAS a man, they posted some images in fairly demure, non revealing dresses as asked for opinions which one should be worn for a fancy lunch. I'm really unclear how this could have 'coerced any woman into unknowingly participating to a man's fantasy. Like, really?

Secondly, you say MN is a female space. IS it? I'm pretty sure it's a PARENTING website not a FEMALE ONLY site.

Perhaps @MNHQ would clarify this.

Sure there's a majority of women on here, but there's plenty of men too as well as non parents etc. And there's plenty of room for everyone.

Seriously, there's a lot of hysteria and over reacting on here in general. It's depressing.

It wouldn't matter a jot to anyone IF the OP had been a man, asking about dresses.

Intolerance is very ugly.

OP great new boots! You can get a suede protector spray but just check it doesn't darken the lovely pale colour. Some are better than others. You have been go gracious throughout all of this.

bunglebee · 14/05/2021 13:28

Well. Clearly your sense of humour and self esteem are just as strong as your arms. Good for you, and on the getting paid like a man as well.

It's both tedious and worrying that some people have descended far enough into paranoid obsession that they're seeing trans women everywhere, and bringing them in on every damn thread, to boot.

Nonmaquillee · 14/05/2021 13:31

@TiltTopTable

I think a few posters' AGP senses were tingling for several reasons: you were asking for advice on multiple outfits to wear for lunch (grown women don't generally seek that kind of reassurance), the outfits were generally OTT frilly, lacy and poorly fitting (the kind of girly feminine AGPs like - like playing dress up) and to be honest you have broad shoulders, narrow hips and muscular arms and legs (which is great) that really don't suit the girly girl look, so it seemed odd a grown woman wouldn't have developed a style to suit her look and body shape over the years.

For what it's worth I quite liked the first dress with the bold pattern. I thought the others did you no favours, and I didn't get the pixie boot thing with every outfit at all.

I'm no model and my style stalled somewhere in about the year 2000, so what do I know? Pixie boots and frilly dresses may be 'in' for all I know! But you put yourself out there (which I would never do) and people responded.

Is there a celebrity/sports person etc, whose look you like? Who maybe has a similar physique? Perhaps take inspiration from them? I often think "would Courtney Cox wear that?" when I shop for clothes (rummage in charity shops!) as I like her style and tend to go for a similar look.

What, pray, is the "girly girl look"??

Always find that "girly" is used in a derogatory way.

AlfonsoTheTerrible · 14/05/2021 14:13

That not what.

Peanutbutterandbananatoastie · 14/05/2021 14:15

[quote goldielockdown2 ]Fucking hell! All I can say is it's very fortunate that the OP has taken this in good humour because not many would. I would be broken to be so savagely picked apart like this. I'm shocked, S&B has always been a pretty safe bet for sound yet kind advice. [/quote]
Yes please don’t fill style and beauty with trans stuff too.

Kittykat93 · 14/05/2021 15:42

From your pictures you dont look like a man at all..what the hell is wrong with people. Your figure is great op.