Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

[TheFaceProject]

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

Some of the replies on the original thread were utterly awful, I couldn't believe what I was reading.
What is wrong with some people??
The only thing I could think was jealousy rearing it's ugly head 🙄

Sounds like a Mean Girls pile on situation. You see it so often on MN, once a couple of people have started the bitchy comments it becomes a free for all. People can be utter shits.

Definitely. And this was absolute next level.

Op took it with such good grace
A lot better than I would have

@Orcadianrythyms

Honestly - I saw it and thought you were a man getting his jollys. I didn't think it appropriate to comment because if you were I didn't want to give you the attention and if you weren't a man I would just be rude. It's fab to be body confident so not sure why you posted if that's the case but truthfully without your head you looked a man in woman's clothing in all of them.

With all due respect you’ve massively missed the point. This thread is not an invitation to speculate on the OP’s sex, it’s actually about how ridiculous and offensive to speculate on the OP’s sex.

I know it’s awkward to need explanation of something that is quite obvious to others. I wouldn’t have said anything but it was clear you didn’t understand the irony of your post or how offensive it sounded. I hope I haven’t embarrassed you too badly.

I read your thread and most were saying how lovely your legs were and I have to say picture 1 was the best for the lunch date and you looked great! I read the first few replies and thought most said yes picture 1/2 etc I did not realise people were questioning if you were a man or a woman!!?? Shame on them and clearly have nothing better to do and peob jealous you have a lunch date to go to and have spent money on lovely dresses.hope your lunch date goes well and you wear the dress in the first pic! X

I saw the original thread & commented how shocked I was. I'm just as shocked at this thread & some of the comments.
It's quite scary as it reveals such an ugly side to people.
OP I hope you're ok. You've handled it brilliantly & with grace & style

I'll tell you what though, I dread to think what a trans woman faces on a daily basis if this was any indication. Truly awful behaviour.

i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/02/26/article-2284604-184A9959000005DC-905_306x600.jpg

If you chopped the head off this body she could be mistaken for a man. She is, imo, gorgeous. I've always admired Pink's body. And the bodies you get from Crossfit too. Sadly I like cake too much and detest Crossfit (though I dabble with kettlebells occasionally).

We really need to move away from thin = healthy and muscular = masculine. It's not healthy.

I didn't see the thread, but it's absolutely not on at all, even if OP were a man, it wouldn't matter. The feminists on here concerned with trans rights always maintain that they don't care what clothes people wear or what gender people present themselves as, as long as single sex protected spaces remain single sex. If this is the case, it begs the question- who was responsible for the witch hunt here?

@MNHQ should reinstate the thread so that the posters involved can be held to account.

@Puntastic

I didn't see the thread, but it's absolutely not on at all, even if OP were a man, it wouldn't matter. The feminists on here concerned with trans rights always maintain that they don't care what clothes people wear or what gender people present themselves as, as long as single sex protected spaces remain single sex. If this is the case, it begs the question- who was responsible for the witch hunt here?

@MNHQ should reinstate the thread so that the posters involved can be held to account.

Good point. I was a bit flummoxed at the time because it didn’t really matter in my view what sex the op was. It was about which dress was the nicest. If it was a man in a dress or a transwoman then it really didn’t make any difference. But posters seemed to think that the op has to be honest about who they were and were pointing out a beard, (where there wasn’t one) veiny arms, big hands, it went on. Pushing and prodding for the op to admit who they really were. Really no need.

Some people on mumsnet have the mentality of the school playground bullys

What's your sport of choice , OP?

OMG I saw your original thread and was going to vote for dress 1! As this was the overwhelming response I didn’t look further than page 1! You did not look like a dude to me (and even had I thought otherwise it’s still dress 1)! This is S&B - what is wrong with some people! 😮

Enjoy your trip to London!

@baldafrique

Did any of the posters picking apart OP's body think 'but what if I'm wrong'?!

Exactly. The answer must be 'no', but as we say at work, maybe a 'teachable moment' here might be recognising that we don't have to type the first insane thought that comes to mind, we can exercise a bit of critical thinking & that it isn't #bekind nonsense trotted out that's needed, but be-bloody-respectful-and-courteous-even-in-a-robust-debate.

Oh wow..I saw your thread, felt the first dress- black one was the nicest.

Can't believe people would be so rude. Didn't even cross my mind.

@HandlebarLadyTash

Some people on mumsnet have the mentality of the school playground bullys

Yup, once they start it's a free-for-all.

I didn't see your first thread so don't know your body shape but I do think strong looks so much better than skinny.

The irony is the OP is really slim!

Some of the people on that thread were awful! I got the message to say it was being taken down whilst MN looked into it and just assumed OP asked for it to be taken down as people were getting nasty! But totally get your point OP that it's giving the wrong message! Too many keyboard warriors on here!

Slim and petite!

Slim women are always accused of looking like boys/being too manly and getting all the 'real women have curves crap' thrown at them.

The irony is, the 'gender critical' crowd like to call themselves feminists and then are the worst gatekeepers of women's bodies. Bunch of hypocrites and bullies who should be ashamed.

OP, you have a fab body and looked lovely in all your outfits, but I think the first was the cutest. I am in awe of how you have handled this - a strong woman in every sense.

Personally I did think you looked a bit masculine but I wasn't on the thread when others were questioning this.

I wasn't keen on your fashion sense. Maybe MN thought so too which is why they zapped it...?

I saw your original thread, some really nasty individuals sticking the boot in on there. You took it like a champ, though you shouldn't have to.

Tbh it was the usual anti-trans sentiment from a certain cohort rearing it's head. People saw someone that they perceived to be a man and were only delighted to leap in with accusations of AGP etc etc. Just seeking to confirm their own biases about spotting trans people.

And STILL people are commenting that OP looks masculine. Wtaf. So nasty.

And tbh, the same people would probably turn around and say "a woman can be hairy/have large forearms/have short hair/not shave! Butch lesbians matter! And men can wear all the frills they like".

Quite funny that when they see someone who isn't stereotypically feminine, they jump to "must be a man". Talking the talk, not walking the walk at its finest.

you were asking for advice on multiple outfits to wear for lunch (grown women don't generally seek that kind of reassurance),

That's literally what this entire board is about