Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

[TheFaceProject]

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

@Everyoneknows NoI didn't call her a man- I just noted she had muscular legs and broad shoulders after someone else had pointed it out!

As a woman who is trying desperately to build myself some strong muscular legs I wish I had seen your thread so I could have asked some tips.

Strong is a great look on a woman and it is what I aspire to.

Have a great lunch!

@Janegrey333 what do you mean about the OP's typing being weird so that's why it might have been taken down?

[quote FreekStar]@Everyoneknows NoI didn't call her a man- I just noted she had muscular legs and broad shoulders after someone else had pointed it out![/quote]
In agreement that she therefore looked like a man if I recall. But anyway.
Like a pp I wonder where those posters are with their apologies for being so rude.

@Orcadianrythyms

Honestly - I saw it and thought you were a man getting his jollys. I didn't think it appropriate to comment because if you were I didn't want to give you the attention and if you weren't a man I would just be rude. It's fab to be body confident so not sure why you posted if that's the case but truthfully without your head you looked a man in woman's clothing in all of them.

Do you think op wants to be told over and over again that she looks like a man? It’s been said, no need to keep repeating it

This is just unbelievable now! I can't believe people are still persisting. Why does it matter to anyone anyway?

@Orcadianrythyms you ‘would just be rude’?! You are bloody rude.

[quote Miseryisabutterfly]@Orcadianrythyms you ‘would just be rude’?! You are bloody rude.[/quote]
Ha yes! This poster actually says that they didn’t say op looked like a man because it would be rude if she wasn’t a man, then goes on to say that op looks like a man. Unbelievable

This thread will probably be gone before this posts but...

Firstly @TheFaceProject I think you sound amazing, I agree with every word you said.

Secondly, I saw the thread, liked dress 1, didn't think any of the others did you any favours, didn't see the 'you're a man' comments. That's a disgrace. What in God's name is wrong with people?

Finally, MNHQ need to step up to the plate more. There's a time for thread deletions with straight-forward deletion messages. But at times, more nuance is needed.

The posters attacking OP in that way need to be challenged & temporarily blocked, if they are repeatedly breaking Talk Guidelines. OP needs to be consulted before deletion. And more effort needs to be put in to letting a thread stand, in the circumstances described here. I always assume the 'looking behind the scenes' makes the OP in question a troll, and if I'd read the full thread, would have assumed it was taken down due to some infringement by OP & that's not fair.

Nicely said @EarringsandLipstick. I’m off to do my sport which makes me look so manly with a whole bunch of women who look a lot like me but I guess we won’t be wearing anything frilly so that is ok. I wonder if the thread will still be standing when I get back!

@EarringsandLipstick

This thread will probably be gone before this posts but...

Firstly @TheFaceProject I think you sound amazing, I agree with every word you said.

Secondly, I saw the thread, liked dress 1, didn't think any of the others did you any favours, didn't see the 'you're a man' comments. That's a disgrace. What in God's name is wrong with people?

Finally, MNHQ need to step up to the plate more. There's a time for thread deletions with straight-forward deletion messages. But at times, more nuance is needed.

The posters attacking OP in that way need to be challenged & temporarily blocked, if they are repeatedly breaking Talk Guidelines. OP needs to be consulted before deletion. And more effort needs to be put in to letting a thread stand, in the circumstances described here. I always assume the 'looking behind the scenes' makes the OP in question a troll, and if I'd read the full thread, would have assumed it was taken down due to some infringement by OP & that's not fair.

This

This instance that you were a man is one of the vilest things I've seen on MN. So nasty. How utterly offensive. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

Never seen such bullying on here tbh.

@MNHQ you handled this terribly

Imagine being told you look like a man. Who even says this.

Shame on all the posters who made derogatory comments.

@TiltTopTable

I think a few posters' AGP senses were tingling for several reasons: you were asking for advice on multiple outfits to wear for lunch (grown women don't generally seek that kind of reassurance), the outfits were generally OTT frilly, lacy and poorly fitting (the kind of girly feminine AGPs like - like playing dress up) and to be honest you have broad shoulders, narrow hips and muscular arms and legs (which is great) that really don't suit the girly girl look, so it seemed odd a grown woman wouldn't have developed a style to suit her look and body shape over the years.

For what it's worth I quite liked the first dress with the bold pattern. I thought the others did you no favours, and I didn't get the pixie boot thing with every outfit at all.

I'm no model and my style stalled somewhere in about the year 2000, so what do I know? Pixie boots and frilly dresses may be 'in' for all I know! But you put yourself out there (which I would never do) and people responded.

Is there a celebrity/sports person etc, whose look you like? Who maybe has a similar physique? Perhaps take inspiration from them? I often think "would Courtney Cox wear that?" when I shop for clothes (rummage in charity shops!) as I like her style and tend to go for a similar look.

I didn’t see the other thread but it sounds like the OP was trying to choose an outfit. Did she ask for feedback about her body, the fit of the clothes, or her personal style? The things you have said are very direct and quite cutting and I would never say them but if she asked for opinions about her body I would have found a nicer way to give constructive feedback. I find it odd that a grown woman would not have developed a sense of what is appropriate to say to another woman and what is downright mean.

How do we know how OP is typing? Did she post a pic of her standing on her head while typing with her toes because that is impressive?

I have no style, OP. My only advice is try Asos. It's the only place I shop and they do NDD for a year if you pay a tenner.

Did any of the posters picking apart OP's body think 'but what if I'm wrong'?!

@baldafrique

Did any of the posters picking apart OP's body think 'but what if I'm wrong'?!

I read the thread and all the comments and I’m going to hazard a guess at ‘no’. It was mean, and as soon as one person said it, others piled in to agree.

We even had comments like “I showed it to my dh who said it’s definitely a dude”

Oh, and op was told not to go in any women’s only spaces

@Everyoneknows
Exactly, it was like as soon as one person said it, so many others jumped in. Literally criticising the whole body. Fucking hell I would be devastated.