Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

[TheFaceProject]

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

@TiltTopTable I get what you mean (and DH just read out your post and politely tried to tell me he also isn’t a fan of the frilly).

I just feel a bit uneasy agreeing that certain styles can only be worn on certain types of bodies. That’s the slippery slope right there.

I wonder if it was deleted because of the horrible comments you received?

robust
/rə(ʊ)ˈbʌst/
adjective
adjective: robust; comparative adjective: robuster; superlative adjective: robustest
1.
strong and healthy; vigorous.
"the Caplan family are a robust lot"
Similar:
strong
vigorous
sturdy
tough
powerful
powerfully built
solidly built
as strong as a horse/ox
muscular
sinewy
rugged
hardy
strapping
brawny
burly
husky
healthy
fit
fighting fit
as fit as a fiddle/flea
bursting with health
hale and hearty
hale
hearty
lusty
in fine fettle
in good health
in good shape
in trim
in good trim
aerobicized
able-bodied
in rude health
beefy
hunky
buff
jacked
stalwart
thewy
stark
Opposite:
weak
frail
(of an object) sturdy in construction.
"a robust metal cabinet"
Similar:
durable
resilient
tough
hard-wearing
long-lasting
well made
sturdy
strong
strongly made
Opposite:
fragile
(of a system, organization, etc.) able to withstand or overcome adverse conditions.
"the country's political system has continued to be robust in spite of its economic problems"
uncompromising and forceful.
"he took quite a robust view of my case"
2.
(of wine or food) strong and rich in flavour or smell.
"a robust mixture of fish, onions, capers and tomatoes"

Sorry for the derail op.

@lulujuju maybe that is why, but if that’s the case, then I should have at least been asked about it so I could respond.

That’s what I am annoyed about as it was a thread with innocent intentions and I was happy to bat away the man comments as the joke that they are to me. I like to think dealing with such comments head on may help others who would be more upset by them. Deleting the thread doesn’t help one bit.

[quote TheFaceProject]@lulujuju maybe that is why, but if that’s the case, then I should have at least been asked about it so I could respond.

That’s what I am annoyed about as it was a thread with innocent intentions and I was happy to bat away the man comments as the joke that they are to me. I like to think dealing with such comments head on may help others who would be more upset by them. Deleting the thread doesn’t help one bit.[/quote]
I agree op. I feel that deleting the thread makes it look like you did something wrong

I'll tag in @MNHQ otherwise they prob won't see it and you won't get an explanation.

Hmm, I clearly don't know my tags!

I saw the thread, and all the outfits on there were very frilly for someone who doesn’t like frills. But to answer your original question on the last thread, the first outfit, but without the hideous (sorry, but they were) boots, or 2b with the longer boots looked really nice on you. The rest, well, tbh, they did make you look like a bloke, I won’t lie.

@Everyoneknows yes and that is the wrong outcome. These posters no doubt spend a long time talking about what makes a woman and how gender stereotypes are damaging, yet when presented with some veiny arms are first to shout “you can’t be a woman”!

@TheFaceProject I read your thread yesterday and I have to say I was shocked at how nasty some of the comments were. I'm sorry you had to put up with that, it's not right.

I couldn't care less what gender you, or anyone else is, you were asking about clothing and that's all that should have been addressed.

There are some really not very open minded people on this site and at times a sort of mob mentality prevails which is really disappointing to see. I am noticing it more and more across all the threads.

I'm not in the UK but I think there is huge intolerance around perceived difference and particularly the trans area (not suggesting this relates to you but it definitely influenced how people responded to you, and more importantly what they felt was ok to say). That intolerance has been really shocking to me over the past while on here.

Hope you're ok OP and I think MN took down your post to protect you (I would hope that was the reason) but I understand your reservations about that action too.

You looked amazing in the first black dress and I think some of the other dresses need to be taken in / tailored to you to show off your amazing physique. Hope you enjoy your fancy lunch!

[quote TheFaceProject]@Everyoneknows yes and that is the wrong outcome. These posters no doubt spend a long time talking about what makes a woman and how gender stereotypes are damaging, yet when presented with some veiny arms are first to shout “you can’t be a woman”![/quote]
🙌

I couldn't care less what gender you, or anyone else is, you were asking about clothing and that's all that should have been addressed. also a good point

[quote TheFaceProject]@Everyoneknows yes and that is the wrong outcome. These posters no doubt spend a long time talking about what makes a woman and how gender stereotypes are damaging, yet when presented with some veiny arms are first to shout “you can’t be a woman”![/quote]
Just to add, not that we should need evidence or examples, but I have 3 female friends who have similar physique to the op. 2 of them exercise a lot but one doesn’t and I couldn’t ever work out how she was so toned without exercise until I met her sister who was exactly the same. Just genes!
Women come in different shapes and sizes, it’s not all tits and arse

I saw the thread and commented in support. I thought it was appalling. I’m GC, but horrible and unnecessary comments like that only cause damage. For what it’s worth I also have friends who have very slim, muscular, athletic physiques and I don’t think you looked like a man.

Hi OP, sorry that we didn't get straight in touch when we took your original thread down. We'd received a high number of reports about the thread and could see that there were many posts which were breaking our Talk Guidelines - many were troll hunting posts, others were really personal and just not in the spirit of the site. If we'd have deleted all the reported posts there wouldn't have been much left of the thread, so we took the decision to remove the whole thing.

We're sending you a mail now, so please check your inbox shortly, and if you have any further questions we'll be happy to answer them.

Sorry again for not getting back to you sooner. And just for the record, it looks like it was a resounding vote for the black dress.

Good for you coming back on and setting the record straight OP!

The deletion message says they 'took it down while they are looking behind the scenes!' So if they haven't even emailed you we now know whenever we see that message that it's a lie- and code for 'can't be bothered to deal with it'.

@FreekStar that was why I was miffed. There was no explanation but posters who engaged with the thread in the right spirit may have felt duped which is not ok, and the troll hunters vindicated.

Also I was happy to respond to the comments good and bad as I did post on the internet after all!

I notice there's not a pile-on to apologise to OP.

Yes, @Verite1, I'm GC too and the posters yesterday were not really helping the cause, surely one of the tenets of gender criticism is that it's perfectly possible to be a woman and not conform to the accepted standards of femininity.

@ShrikeAttack and @Verite1 totally agree. The whole argument is about outward appearances not defining sex, yet they focused on my outward appearance to try and tell me my sex! I don’t think I even claimed to be a woman either so completely irrelevant!

I didn’t like the outfits very much I’m afraid. The advantage of going out in London is that you can of course wear whatever you want since no-one cares too much what anyone else is doing.

@FreekStar

Good for you coming back on and setting the record straight OP!

The deletion message says they 'took it down while they are looking behind the scenes!' So if they haven't even emailed you we now know whenever we see that message that it's a lie- and code for 'can't be bothered to deal with it'.

Weren’t you one of the posters calling the op a man freekstar?

I can’t believe your thread got shut down! Glad you’ve come back.

How bored/deranged are people to have your thread removed?!

@JoMumsnet thanks for finally emailing me about zapping the thread but I don’t agree it is the right outcome.

I think deleting it sends the wrong message. Plenty of guess my age threads with photos have several comments on ages which a bit insulting to the OP but discussion about it and the range of opinions continues. It is useful and helps people sometimes correct their own biases.

Whilst I appreciate the deletion may have been in good faith, I wasn’t hurt or offended by the comments on my appearance and would have liked to engage further with it if only to dismiss the notion that I must be a man! DH was kindly playing me Dude (looks like a lady) in the background and you kind of ruined some of our fun.

More importantly why should my discussion be shut down when I’ve done nothing wrong and didn’t want it to? Kind of says you can only post on S&B if you don’t attract people calling you a man because of your appearance. That is all sorts of wrong.

@Janegrey333 that may have been a valid reason! No idea how it happened but I was irked by it don’t worry.