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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?

158 replies

TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 12:59

I posted yesterday for advice on which outfit to wear on a lunch date
next week, and along with some useful feedback on the actual exam
question, the thread took an interesting turn into a debate about
whether I was actually a man! In all honesty, DH and I were slightly
disappointed it wasn’t Friday night so we could watch it unfold with
wine and popcorn. I was slightly baffled this morning when I saw that
it has been zapped while I was on the school run!

It’s a little bit ironic, to say the least, that while I was juggling
the two children who I gave birth to, my thread was zapped because I
must be a man pretending. I am the first to admit that I have broad
shoulders and can look a bit boxy in some clothes. It was kind of why
I posted for advice! Due to lockdown and buying online, I probably
haven’t got the sizing correct and haven’t had the benefit of trying
clothes on before buying. There was some useful feedback which I
appreciated and thanks to all of you who complimented my (manly and
muscular!) legs. I am happy with how I look and more importantly my
daughter thinks her mummy is super strong and good at sports. That’s
important to us, and I hope she aspires to look more like me than be
warped by some online influencer who injects stuff into their rear
end.

In regards to the debate about whether I am a man or not… I truly
think the sleuths, who are so confident that I must be a man because
no woman could possibly have such veiny arms or be built like that,
should get out more! Maybe spend more time in places where women care more about strength and endurance than how delicate they can get
themselves looking with a coat of paint and a filter or two.

MNHQ – shame on you for silencing a mother of 2 who came on S&B
seeking advice because she was just a bit excited about having a
proper date for the first time in about 6 months after being locked
down with two young children.

And shame on you more so, because women come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is proud to look like I do, and shouldn’t be the one
being deleted.

OP posts:
TopBlogger · 13/05/2021 21:19

@Orcadianrythyms

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
I wonder why @MNHQ bothers to delete posts when the next one down from this one requotes it for all to see?!
baldafrique · 13/05/2021 21:19

She didnt even look unfeminine! Just looked like any other Size 8 woman.

catsareme14 · 13/05/2021 21:23

The thread did disintegrate rather bizarrely & it was horrible . I really felt for you . It turned into an exercise in body shaming . I thought you looked slim , healthy & fab in the first outfit . I can't understand why you were deleted .

HeadNorth · 13/05/2021 21:28

@crapbuttrue

Personally I did think you looked a bit masculine but I wasn't on the thread when others were questioning this.

I wasn't keen on your fashion sense. Maybe MN thought so too which is why they zapped it...? Wink

Do you feel better in yourself for that unpleasant wee post?
Blowingagale · 13/05/2021 21:30

I didn’t see the thread. MNHQ should have checked with OP first. Presumably if there were a lot of deletions it would have just left the actual posts about dresses - stopping and maybe suspending or banning the bullies. Different if OP wanted the thread to be deleted.

I will also consider thread deletion message differently now. I always though taken down while we investigate was looking at problem with the OP but seems not.

Wearywithteens · 13/05/2021 21:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

excelledyourself · 13/05/2021 21:43

@Blowingagale

I didn’t see the thread. MNHQ should have checked with OP first. Presumably if there were a lot of deletions it would have just left the actual posts about dresses - stopping and maybe suspending or banning the bullies. Different if OP wanted the thread to be deleted.

I will also consider thread deletion message differently now. I always though taken down while we investigate was looking at problem with the OP but seems not.

Agreed.

I noticed the the thread was deleted, but with no explanation I thought perhaps it was a troll post. Possibly others thought the same. And certainly the posters who had been so nasty would have felt vindicated. But how could it be? All OP asked was which outfit was best. There was no reference whatsoever to being male or female - because it was irrelevant .

Bit still it goes on.

Oh, and @MNHQ - you deleted my post for quoting another, but have leaf others which quoted the same post. Please delete them all or none at all. I don't want possibly lumped in with that mentality.

Miseryisabutterfly · 13/05/2021 21:47

Why is there a mismatch between an athletic body type and ‘feminine’ dresses though? Women come in so many shapes and sizes. I find this whole thing utterly ridiculous. Would a man with moobs be considered feminine? I think he’d likely just be considered overweight. The op has a fantastic, toned figure. Lots of (lucky!) women have a similar shape.

baldafrique · 13/05/2021 21:51

OP is hardly 'very muscular'. Please. Shes slim.

goldielockdown2 · 13/05/2021 21:54

Fucking hell! All I can say is it's very fortunate that the OP has taken this in good humour because not many would. I would be broken to be so savagely picked apart like this. I'm shocked, S&B has always been a pretty safe bet for sound yet kind advice.

LarsErickssong · 13/05/2021 21:59

I didn't see the thread but it sounds like S&B is turning into AIBU Sad

alannabanana81 · 13/05/2021 22:07

i saw your original thread and didn't comment - hardly ever do - but thought you looked great and was disturbed by the weird pile on turn it took. that's the internet for you. hope you're ok xxx

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 13/05/2021 22:21

And STILL it goes on...I just can't believe that people are still commenting on the OPs body & trying to defend the indefensible. I'm so disappointed in MN & am v sad that this is what S&B has come to. It's always been a haven but not anymore it seems. Sad times.

Even if a man or trans woman had posted images of themselves in a a range of dresses & asked which one they ought to wear, what difference in the world would it make to any one of us reading the thread? None at all. The intolerance is astounding

Miseryisabutterfly · 13/05/2021 22:27

@UnreasonablyPissedOff 100% what you just said!

Original poster
TheFaceProject · 13/05/2021 22:34

Wow it is still standing. Thank you everyone for restoring the happy vibes of S&B as it should be. In all honesty I think the majority opinion is kind of what I always knew - the dresses apart from the black one don’t really go with the boots! And DH is secretly happy the hive mind have erred on the side on “no to the frills”.... although I love frilly dresses and will make them work somehow for some occasion.

I was hoping the posters who were so certain that I was a man will return and engage with this a bit more. As many people have pointed out, it was all unnecessary and not really constructive. I just wish they would show up again and own it.

Anyway, I know S&B is really not about this. For the record, I think I owe this section of mumsnet for making my skin and face look about 10 years younger!

OP posts:
girlsallowed21 · 13/05/2021 22:44

Thanks for creating a new thread OP. I saw your post yesterday and loved the first outfit. I also enjoyed how you and your DH were taking sone of the incredible mean man comments in a very lighthearted fashion. Brilliantly handled!

When I realised the thread was gone I thought you'd requested it to be removed as it got out hand.
Shame to find out today Mumsnet deleted the thread without even consulting you. Smh 🤦

Hope you enjoy your brunch though and keep the positive vibes 😊

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 13/05/2021 23:02

Missed all this but fuck 'em OP.You sound absolutely awesome Wine

MiniTheMinx · 13/05/2021 23:16

TheFaceProject before I say anything I shall first say I am sorry if I caused you any offence.

On the thread I described what I saw and said I liked dress 1.

I also said that I didn't care whether you were male or female but my advice was to choose a different style that wouldn't draw attention to broad shoulders and slim hips if you wanted to create a more feminine shape. My advice would be the same irrespective of your sex. I perhaps wrongly assumed that the very feminine frills and choice of very girly dresses implied you wanted to look feminine. If I'm wrong in my assumption, I apologise.

I don't think thin or frail is attractive particularly, or even super curvy. I dont think being fit, healthy, toned or muscular is inherently unattractive either. As someone who until very recently was thin, toned, athletic, and also had prominent viens I chose to play up my feminine attributes and try to minimise looking boyish. I wore padded bras for years! But I accept I might have been harsh, but it wasn't my intention to be hurtful. If a friend asked my opinion, I'd be equally as honest. I wasn't tactful, sorry.

Hope you have a lovely lunch. Dress 1, boots 1 (the ones with the pattern) look fab.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/05/2021 23:30

if you wanted to create a more feminine shape

@MiniTheMinx

Did the OP ask for advice on creating a 'more feminine shape'?

ShrikeAttack · 14/05/2021 02:20

I've got a muscular neck and clavicle. I'm not a bloke though.

Why did mumsnet zap my S&B thread while I was on the school run?
HeadNorth · 14/05/2021 08:27

I think it is terrible that slim, fit women are expected to explain and excuse their bodies. I notice none of the nasty crew that ganged up against the OP have the guts to come back, own their mistake and apologise. I hope they are reflecting on their interalised misogyny and sterotypical view of women. The OP is fit and lean and everybit as feminine as Marilyn Munro or a Kardashian because guess what - women come in all shapes and sizes and all are as entitles to wear dresses and frills and whatever they damn well please.

AOwlAOwlAOwl · 14/05/2021 08:35

I missed the original thread but wanted to say you've taken people's comments and assumptions with really good humour, I'm not sure I would have!

I bet you look fantastic, not that I imagine you care very much what anyone here thinks. But I'm sure you've worked really hard for the body you have and you should be proud. Enjoy your lunch date Wine

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 14/05/2021 08:43

I hadn’t seen the other thread

I notice none of the nasty crew that ganged up against the OP have the guts to come back, own their mistake and apologise

But I would imagine that posters haven’t come back to own their mistake or engage a bit more because they still don’t believe that they have made a mistake.

HeadNorth · 14/05/2021 08:55

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

I hadn’t seen the other thread

I notice none of the nasty crew that ganged up against the OP have the guts to come back, own their mistake and apologise

But I would imagine that posters haven’t come back to own their mistake or engage a bit more because they still don’t believe that they have made a mistake.

That is sad - so you think they still believe anyone lean and muscular must, by definition, be a man? Amazingly, my manly body managed to birth and feed three babies. Perhaps they may want to read this inspiring poem Ain't I a Woman

Women don't have to be curvy or dainty or fit their regressive gender stereotypes.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 14/05/2021 09:00

Well I don’t know exactly why they think the OP is a man

But if they think for whatever reason that the OP is a man they won’t change their mind just because the OP says so

It happens on all sorts of threads for all sorts of reasons

I’m far from dainty 😀