Being beautiful and ageing

[OldieMama]

Interested to know your opinions on being considered beautiful in your youth and the ageing process. As a woman now in her late forties who has spent her whole life being celebrated for her beauty, and the pressures that brings, I feel a terrible burden to be perfect. Yes, I look a good decade younger than my years, but feel that the power of beauty is nearly at an end. I didn't think that I would feel the dwindling power of my youth so acutely. Indeed, I have worked so hard at forging a career despite my looks. This in itself, has been a challenge, as I know I have had advantages in my career because of my looks (superiors have told me so). Would love to know others experiences. How do you move into a life free from how you look? I still feel like a fraud despite being a seasoned academic with a PhD and number of writings to my name 🤦

Blossominspring2021 oh yes I think you have hit the nail on it's head. Yes, perhaps it's more about what you are yet to achieve in your life, rather than what you have so far not achieved. Ah I hope you find someone who appreciates your true "ageless" beauty ❤️

If you genuinely look in your late 30s then I wouldn't be worrying just yet.

Oh poor me, I'm just too beautiful

But seriously, how do you move beyond being known as beautiful?

You have to work on not needing any form of external validation. I know a few stand up comedians and lockdown has been hard for them because they depend on strangers laughing and watching them. One of them told me he had gone to work recently on a film set and started doing a bit of a routine for the crew because it felt so good to have a crowd laughing. That's the opposite of what you want and need. That 'I don't quite exist unless I have external validation' feeling.

Focus on interior life. Focus on connecting with people who have less interest in your looks, who value your opinion, your knowledge, your energy and commitment.

I can't help thinking this debate is for an article 🤭

Genuinely don't understand how someone who is beautiful in the way you describe OP, rather than just attractive, could have 'lost' this. What has happened to change you so much? At your age genuine beauty should not have faded so much surely? In what way has your face changed so much?

I was reasonable to look at in my heyday and I still look a lot younger but I believe that's due to my height (5ft) & oily skin which has aged well especially due to use of SPF50.

Unfortunately my hair has thinned appallingly which I find embarrassing. It started in my early forties whilst perimenopausal.
HRT hasn't made much difference as I've also developed chronic telogen effluvium due to health issues. Psoriasis on my scalp doesn't help either!

My bountiful hair was my thing. I'm fortunate that 10 years ago I had very thick hair so there was at least a lot to lose. I no longer look in mirrors if I can help it. I have a style that in theory hides it but I feel lacking & much less desirable. I find myself constantly looking at other women's hair.

It doesn't help that friends & family members haven't even started being perimenopausal so have no idea what it's like. They have noticed & commented on my hair especially after not seeing them for a while over lockdown as I no longer look like me.

So some of me still looks ok but at 49 yrs of age, I have old lady hair which is gross.

Thanks @OldieMama that is really kind of you to say. I do hope I find someone to love and who loves me. I hope that might help with the fading looks, as if you’re with the person you want to be with, the pressure of being attractive is less? Hoping.

Glad you have a great marriage and family. And job. Shows there is more to you than your beauty.

Frankly I've found it quite liberating - but maybe I am/was not beautiful enough...

I spent my 20's proving that I should be taken seriously enough to forge a career in a male dominated industry. My looks were not a bonus.

Perhaps there's a difference between being beautiful and attractive. I was the latter.

I've quite enjoyed growing older in the sense my "face" has less impact and the balance of what I do/say has been amplified.

I find that far more gratifying than any "adoration" of my former youthful looks and wouldn't swap it.

I think my sister would feel your pain. Late forties but in most people's eyes still an absolute stunner. Alas I think she received the best of our family's genetic heritage. But always so insecure despite having so much more to offer. I completely understand where the op is coming from though. There were so many expectations of my sister because she was (is) so beautiful. When I say beautiful, people would stop her in the street to tell her how gorgeous she was. I was never jealous of her as she is such a lovely person. Vivacious and very kind to everyone she meets. But she has found aging hard as her beauty really defined who she was. Good luck op. Honestly, I don't think it's going to be easy.