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Original poster

Being beautiful and ageing

185 replies

OldieMama · 29/04/2021 01:21

Interested to know your opinions on being considered beautiful in your youth and the ageing process. As a woman now in her late forties who has spent her whole life being celebrated for her beauty, and the pressures that brings, I feel a terrible burden to be perfect. Yes, I look a good decade younger than my years, but feel that the power of beauty is nearly at an end. I didn't think that I would feel the dwindling power of my youth so acutely. Indeed, I have worked so hard at forging a career despite my looks. This in itself, has been a challenge, as I know I have had advantages in my career because of my looks (superiors have told me so). Would love to know others experiences. How do you move into a life free from how you look? I still feel like a fraud despite being a seasoned academic with a PhD and number of writings to my name 🤦

OP posts:
RuggeryBuggery · 30/04/2021 11:28

My initial reaction is ‘poor you’ 🙄

But in all seriousness, I have always thought that the fact I have always struggled with weight and not looking nice means at least I would not have to adjust to that as I got older 😁😂 so I do see where you’re coming from

MarshaBradyo · 30/04/2021 11:31

@OldieMama

Thank you so much for all your posts, especially to those who offered some constructive advice or criticism.

Just to clarify, I have a very happy life with my husband and children. They are the centre of my universe. My extended family and friends are also greatly cherished.

I do feel incredibly fortunate to also have a career that I love. Of course, in my logical moments I know full well that beauty didn't write my PhD thesis, or my publications that are blind peer reviewed. BUT it has opened doors. Maybe it gave me the edge over others in being awarded a PhD bursary or got me those first few RA/lecturing roles. But that said, noone is going to keep you on if you can't cut the mustard.

However, I was being honest when I relayed my fears about ageing and the impact this has on your looks. I hate myself for feeling like this. I always thought I would be above such superficial concerns. Indeed, I always bang on about the superficial nature of beauty etc. I also admire the older beauties far more than the younger ones. I still think that Monica Bellucci, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon are amazingly beautiful and far more interesting than their younger counterparts. But, the old insecurities about whether I really deserve to be in the position I'm in occasionally come to the surface. Being beautiful has always been a part of my identity, even though I always tried to prove that I was much more than a pretty face.

I have a stunningly beautiful friend who was a model in her youth, but decided on an alternative career after a few years as the industry made her incredibly insecure. Some of her friends continued with it, many are not coping well with aging at all. She often says that being beautiful is both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps she's right.

It’s not a curse imo but as a model or someone who builds a career on how you look it will be harder to lose that.
HazeyJaneII · 30/04/2021 11:31

She often says that being beautiful is both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps she's right.

Sorry, op, but I'm sort of reminded of Kathy Burke's response to Helena Bonham Carter, after she complained about how hard it is to be beautiful and middle class....

RuggeryBuggery · 30/04/2021 11:33

Ooh @HazeyJaneII what was the response?

MarshaBradyo · 30/04/2021 11:37

Maybe it gave me the edge over others in being awarded a PhD bursary

What did you have to do to get the bursary? What’s the process

ShoppingPrecinctPrincess · 30/04/2021 11:44

@HazeyJaneII

She often says that being beautiful is both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps she's right.

Sorry, op, but I'm sort of reminded of Kathy Burke's response to Helena Bonham Carter, after she complained about how hard it is to be beautiful and middle class....

I could see that for some beautiful they may perceive their looks to have been a curse, but overall being beautiful is a massive bonus in our society. There have been many studies on this. The world smiles on you a bit more when you have a beautiful face.
ShoppingPrecinctPrincess · 30/04/2021 11:46

Poor Helena B-C lamenting being born posh and pretty. The struggle, Helena, oh the struggle. Grin

Ariannah · 30/04/2021 13:12

I think it’s a little unfair to compare ourselves to women like Jennifer Aniston, Monica Bellucci and Jennifer Lopez - they have a huge amount of resources to help them look the way they do
Indeed. I’d look great if I could afford a private gym, cosmetic dentistry and £5k a year to spend on skincare. You only have to look at programmes like Ten Years Younger to see how much better people can look when they have money to throw at it.

unwuthering · 30/04/2021 14:09

How bizarre to be taken to task and mocked for discussing feelings around one's beauty, and its possible loss or lessening, on the style and beauty forum - where 3,749 pages at last count have been devoted to many threads involving the quest for greater beauty.

Is it compulsory to seek it only, to never have it, and to never mourn it? Or to believe it can only be achieved via acids, and injectables? Or are only women of a particular age - and what is the cut-off point - allowed to be concerned with beauty? All very odd.

5128gap · 30/04/2021 15:04

@unwuthering

How bizarre to be taken to task and mocked for discussing feelings around one's beauty, and its possible loss or lessening, on the style and beauty forum - where 3,749 pages at last count have been devoted to many threads involving the quest for greater beauty.

Is it compulsory to seek it only, to never have it, and to never mourn it? Or to believe it can only be achieved via acids, and injectables? Or are only women of a particular age - and what is the cut-off point - allowed to be concerned with beauty? All very odd.

I think there is a way of discussing it that gets people's backs up. If the OP had said 'I'm worried about getting less attractive as I get older. Anyone else feel this way, and how do you cope?' there would have been more positive responses. It's not people saying they are attractive, or even beautiful, that gets the bad reactions It's the overblown terminology some use to describe themselves that irritates people, as it sounds a bit narcissistic. Also the drama around how beauty is a 'curse' (rather than a bit of a nuisance at times) It's great to have self confidence, and to self identify as beautiful, but the flowery descriptions can be a bit annoying/amusing to read.
workshy44 · 30/04/2021 15:38

I know how you feel op
I was a v unattractive child/teenager and somehow transformed into a complete head turner in my 20's , it was utterly bizarre.
I had seen both sides though and absolutely loved it.
I wouldn't say I have lost my looks totally as I am still slim but definitely not a natural beauty anymore but when I get dressed up I would still be considered a head turner, like you 40's but while I don't have great skin or hair I think my v youthful body makes me appear younger somehow.
I don't necessarily love getting older but I am ok with it as if I make an effort I still look good. Ask me again when I don't
However there is not much you can do about aging so I'm in the camp of making the most of things and accepting what you can't change/avoid !

PeacheyPeach · 30/04/2021 16:19

I was considered a beauty when I was younger and yet I never thought I was personally. I hated what I looked like which is a regret now as I wish I'd made the most of that fresh faced and fabulous figure!! I get a bit of a shock when I look in the mirror now and see that I'm ageing but I've actually never felt more comfortable in my own skin and feel much more confident as a person and my abilities, and I think this has come with age. I mean don't get me wrong It would be lovely to have that gorgeous 18year old face looking back at me in the mirror occasionally instead of this more lived in face !!!

mintybobs · 30/04/2021 16:46

Growing old is a privilege many don't get to experience

So what?? my mother died young- does that mean I should walk around never caring how I look, wearing shapeless clothes (preferably sackcloth I presume), never wearing makeup, hair like a birds nest?

By this rationale, none of us can ever care about anything in life at all because someone, somewhere will have it worse. I guess I shouldnt care about wanting to get on the property ladder when there are homeless people shooting up crack on the street right? or, I shouldnt care about how my children do at school because kids in some countries never even get the chance for an education!

gottakeeponmovin · 30/04/2021 17:37

Being beautiful doesn't stop your husband cheating on you sadly

Alsohuman · 30/04/2021 17:55

I’ve never once been to an interview and come out without the job. My husband has never strayed and is generally like a puppy dog with me. People are generally nice to me. But I know that one day all this is going to change

Why on earth would it change? Those things are true for me and I’m 67. My husband thinks I’m beautiful now because he loves me, not just my face. Trust me, nobody other than models gets jobs just because they’re beautiful.

irregularegular · 30/04/2021 18:41

I’ve never once been to an interview and come out without the job. My husband, who I’ve been with since my teen years, has never strayed and is generally like a puppy dog with me. People are generally nice to me.

You ascribe this to your appearance, and specifically youthful prettiness, but it might have nothing to do with that at all!

irregularegular · 30/04/2021 18:43

Growing old is a privilege many don't get to experience

So what?? my mother died young- does that mean I should walk around never caring how I look, wearing shapeless clothes (preferably sackcloth I presume), never wearing makeup, hair like a birds nest?

No, that's not what the poster implied at all!

TeaAddict235 · 30/04/2021 19:24

@HazeyJaneII

She often says that being beautiful is both a blessing and a curse. Perhaps she's right.

Sorry, op, but I'm sort of reminded of Kathy Burke's response to Helena Bonham Carter, after she complained about how hard it is to be beautiful and middle class....

Not sure that Helena Boham Carter knows what it is like to be beautiful at all.
Alternista · 30/04/2021 19:27

@unwuthering

How bizarre to be taken to task and mocked for discussing feelings around one's beauty, and its possible loss or lessening, on the style and beauty forum - where 3,749 pages at last count have been devoted to many threads involving the quest for greater beauty.

Is it compulsory to seek it only, to never have it, and to never mourn it? Or to believe it can only be achieved via acids, and injectables? Or are only women of a particular age - and what is the cut-off point - allowed to be concerned with beauty? All very odd.

This 100%
Itsallhere · 30/04/2021 19:37

@mintybobs

Growing old is a privilege many don't get to experience

So what?? my mother died young- does that mean I should walk around never caring how I look, wearing shapeless clothes (preferably sackcloth I presume), never wearing makeup, hair like a birds nest?

By this rationale, none of us can ever care about anything in life at all because someone, somewhere will have it worse. I guess I shouldnt care about wanting to get on the property ladder when there are homeless people shooting up crack on the street right? or, I shouldnt care about how my children do at school because kids in some countries never even get the chance for an education!

Really don’t think that’s what pp was saying. She didn’t say we shouldn’t care what we look like just because some people die young. Of course not. I assume she was trying to point out that ageing is actually a good thing as it means that we’re still here
FlowersofSpring · 30/04/2021 19:51

Also here for the magic powder tip

2021healthissues · 30/04/2021 19:54

I can relate to you although I’m still young! I have health issues which have stressed me out and accelerated the ageing process so I do feel like I can no longer match up to “old me”. It’s weird becoming invisible in public etc after being know for being attractive for most of my life.

Thank god for fillers !

ShoppingPrecinctPrincess · 30/04/2021 19:57

The powder tip was revealed yesterday

'OK so I currently own the Laura Mercier Secret Brightening Powder, the ELF High Definition Undereye Setting Powder & the Becca Brightening undereye setting powder.

They are all (and I can't stress this enough) all the flipping same. So if you're on a budget, get the ELF one. It comes in the tiniest pot imaginable but it's cheap.

I think I got the other two in Christmas gift sets or something. They last forever as you only use them under your eyes, so a travel size is plenty big enough to be getting on with.

You whack on concealer first by rights but I imagine they would make you look more awake even without anything underneath.'

FlowersofSpring · 30/04/2021 20:01

@ShoppingPrecinctPrincess thank you, I missed it somehow on my read through.