Being beautiful and ageing

[OldieMama]

Interested to know your opinions on being considered beautiful in your youth and the ageing process. As a woman now in her late forties who has spent her whole life being celebrated for her beauty, and the pressures that brings, I feel a terrible burden to be perfect. Yes, I look a good decade younger than my years, but feel that the power of beauty is nearly at an end. I didn't think that I would feel the dwindling power of my youth so acutely. Indeed, I have worked so hard at forging a career despite my looks. This in itself, has been a challenge, as I know I have had advantages in my career because of my looks (superiors have told me so). Would love to know others experiences. How do you move into a life free from how you look? I still feel like a fraud despite being a seasoned academic with a PhD and number of writings to my name 🤦

There are loads of beautiful women over 40/50/60 and beyond.
Some natural and some have to try a bit harder.
Honestly it's just conditioning bollocks.
Gone are the days when you gave up at 39 had your hair cut in a basin perm, no makeup and wore elasticated flowery skirts with sensible shoes and grew your moustache and beard.
Beauty and age have no correlation anymore.

I agree with that @Zenithbear. And actually, short hair, shaved heads and giving up make up are really 'in' among younger women atm! Big hair extensions and a tonne of makeup are considered 'for older women' in some circles, so it's come full circle I think.

As a woman now in her late forties who has spent her whole life being celebrated for her beauty

Hilarious 😂

I'm still a bit with this assumption that it's somehow unseemly to care about how you look as you get older, as if we're expected to reach this higher plane of existence. Maybe some of you do but, speaking just for me, I still have 'a look'. It's no longer a youthful look but there are actually other ways to present yourself. I'm not delusional and I know people (and that's young women just as much as men) don't notice me any more but I still enjoy thinking about how I take up space in the world, and how I dress my ageing body.

I'm 52 and look the best I have ever done, and I've had some pretty attractive phases over the years.
I'm one of those people who can look anything from invisible to very attractive dependent on what I do to myself.
My age has had zero bearing on this over the years, it's all been about body shape, hair and clothes.
My face is reasonably pretty, but nothing spectacular so I suppose I never had actual real beauty to celebrate or lose. Though I am conscious of aspects of my face that start to deteriorate, and I do take action to address them. I thought jowls made me less attractive for example, so have fixed them!
My current attractive phase is due to lots of time on my hands this past year to diet, exercise and faff about 'improving' myself and I have been pleasantly surprised by the results and do feel pretty good.
Though if I had been stunningly beautiful when younger, obviously nothing I do now would take me back to that level, and I can see that would be difficult to accept.

I never had your problem OP! However, I've always been the person that people talked to at bus stops, or that drivers stopped to ask directions from. So, presumably I look friendly enough that I won't bite. Suits me

I'm just placemaking for when the 'Magic Powder" brand is revealed!

I only know one beautiful woman. Loads of attractive ones, but she is radiant...turns heads in every room she goes in. She's a really lovely person too but it fascinates me what it must be to go through life being told constantly how stunning you are. However, she does work hard to maintain it...her mom recently told me she babysits her daughter every afternoon so she can keep herself beautiful. Her mom's nicer than mine I think! So it's obviously a pressure. Thing is, as she ages she'll turn less heads but no doubt still be significantly more attractive than most people the same age. Beauty is a wonderful gift...enjoy it but don't let it be all you think about. And I can't feel too much sympathy...having never achieved much more than ever age, I've had to spend my whole life working on my sense of humour!

I don't think I was ever stunningly beautiful but I used to get told I was attractive and pretty in my youth. As a result I was concerned about my looks and keeping slim.

I'm in my 50s now and it's liberating to think other qualities I have are far more important.

I think I look OK for my age and enjoy making an effort to look nice but being considered attractive isn't important to me. It's also nice not to be self conscious about my looks.

@FlatEarthling

Post a pic OP, we can help.

Was your PHD in creative writing by any chance?

It’s not your beauty that’s fading or changing, it’s how others react to you that is changing. And I suspect that’s something a lot of women have to face as they get older, whether they are beautiful or not. Age is a great leveller, everyone becomes increasingly invisible.

I’m here for @ElspethFlashman ‘s magic eye stuff...

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

It’s not your beauty that’s fading or changing, it’s how others react to you that is changing. And I suspect that’s something a lot of women have to face as they get older, whether they are beautiful or not. Age is a great leveller, everyone becomes increasingly invisible.

If the OP is a celebrated beauty, theres no way this will be happening to her yet. 48 is nowhere near old enough to have lost all vestiges of a previously stunning beauty unless you've (horrible expression) really 'let yourself go'. And if so, you can just make yourself come back! OP if you look bad and don't like it, work on what a poster the other day referred to as the 'software', hair clothes makeup. Your 'hardware' (celebrated beauty!) will still be there. If you are beautiful you will still be high up the attractiveness league, if that's what matters to you, as the vast majority of people, including the young are very ordinary looking.

Oh sorry, I was out all day!

OK so I currently own the Laura Mercier Secret Brightening Powder, the ELF High Definition Undereye Setting Powder & the Becca Brightening undereye setting powder.

They are all (and I can't stress this enough) all the flipping same. So if you're on a budget, get the ELF one. It comes in the tiniest pot imaginable but it's cheap.

I think I got the other two in Christmas gift sets or something. They last forever as you only use them under your eyes, so a travel size is plenty big enough to be getting on with.

You whack on concealer first by rights but I imagine they would make you look more awake even without anything underneath.

I'd also like to see a photo of OP.

Sounds a bit like a novel

If you’re in academia does it really help get you published?

You poor thing OP. However do you sleep at night? Perhaps you can dry your (beautiful) tears with some of your academic (creative) "writings".

It’s easy to take the piss out of op but I don’t think it’s particularly fair or kind. I’d love a slice of the self confidence she has. I’ve never felt beautiful, but any compliment I’ve ever received throughout my lifetime has been about my looks. I’d much rather be told I was clever or funny, or a great mum.

Having said that, to build your self worth on your looks is very sad and I can see how it could be quite crushing to feel as though you’re losing your identity.

I have had whiskey, you might be able to tell.

By the way, I don’t think that beauty is something that only lasts until a certain age. Obviously there are incredibly beautiful women of all ages.

Do you have a real PhD or was it an honorary doctorate to celebrate your beauty?

< how I look in my head.
< my real face.

P.s. I am celebrated for my ability to juggle three balls. Just evolve with your things. I was often without three balls so learned to floss. Again, celebrated.

Have you had whiskey too @SummerHouse? 😂

I’m slightly tempted to invoke Glenda Jackson’s ‘turn’ as Cleo on Morecambe and Wise. ‘All men are fools and having beauty like what I’ve got is what makes them so.’

Anyhow: no one is immune to the judgement that comes with being an older woman (older than 35) in a highly superficial and misogynistic culture. I’ve never ‘turned heads’. I turned into a dumpy pudding in my teens and remained like that until my 40s when I got a lot slimmer. For about five minutes a few men paid attention, but that was a very rare event, and being viewed only as ‘best mate’ material has caused me a lot of unhappiness. However, always having been ‘invisible’ doesn’t make the changes of ageing any easier.

I'm sure it must be hard when being beautiful has been a big feature of your life and therefore I guess becomes part of how you value yourself.

I've read a lot about women being sad about becoming 'invisible' to men as they age, and I've never experienced that because I was never visible to them in the first place,and perfectly happy that was the case because I've never felt my value as a person lies in any way in my looks.

Which is probably harder to do if you're looked at with admiration or people constantly comment on how beautiful you are. I don't know how best to deal with aging the that case - maybe making sure you take pride in achievements? Or finding new achievements if you feel you lack them?

Halle Berry, Jlo, Jennifer Aniston, Salma Hayek etc. Are all over 50 and yes they look older now but still beautiful and attractive. They don't look 20 no but they certainly don't look 'past it' either.